For letting my son go to his friends house

[MummyToMNandR]

Hello

I let my son go over to his friends house after school just for an hour and a half, they have become very close in school since him starting in September.

I see mum every single morning, I wouldn’t say class her as a friend yet, we usually have a short conversation then she goes about her day.

This afternoon whilst at pick up, she said “you can ask M if he would like to come over for an hour or so” then she looked at me and said that he has been wanting to ask him for a while now, only if that’s okay with you.

My son was happy and said yes, then asked me if it would be okay.

Bearing in mind, my son suffers from anxiety and has been going through a rough time recently, regarding being outside/new environments/ people etc.

So I obviously didn’t want to say no, because it would be a huge step for him to come out of his comfort zone.

She asked if I wanted to come with him, but I didn’t think it would be appropriate especially when I had my other two children with me, she gave me her mobile number, and I insisted that her and her son got into my car so I could drop them home, just for a peace of mind.

My son enjoyed the short time he spent at his friends house, and asked if he could come over to ours tomorrow and I sort of said yes.

The issue now is my Husband, I didn’t think he’d be home because he went out, when I got home he asked where our son was, I told him that he’d gone round to his friends and I would go and collect him soon.

He wasn’t happy and told me to go and get him, l said I would go and get him in a hour and half and that I don’t understand what the problem is, when actually I do.

He told me that my sons friends are not to come over to the house and he is not going over there, and I always let it go over my head and say to myself “whatever”

When I got back with our son, the first thing my husband said “didn’t I tell you, that you’re not to go over to peoples houses” my son answered “I know Dad, I’m sorry but I did want to go there” he then went on to say “You don’t listen, but you’re going to learn”

Neither my son or I fear him or are scared of him; he went out soon after and will not answer his phone, every time we have a disagreement he leaves the house and it makes me believe that he goes and sleeps with someone else.

Was I being unreasonable for letting my son go to his friends house? Because I don’t want to apologise to him and make things right, our son should be able to go over to his friends houses and they should be able to come here.

I will be inviting him and mum over tomorrow after school, or do you think that is going to make matters worse?

You probably aren't going to believe me, but my husbands cheating has now been confirmed, he claims it happened before we got married, we have only been married for 9 months.

He claims it happened when we were going through a rough patch and we were on a break, I was never on a break with him, there was a time when I went away with my best friend for just under a week.

I have told him that I do not want to be with him and this is the last straw, I am absolutely devastated, but to be completely honest I knew that he hadn't been 100% faithful to me.

I believe that he doesn't really love me the way he says he does, I have told him to leave and he is refusing to.

His reasons are

If he wakes up in the middle of the night he won't be able go to and check on the boys to make sure that they are alright, and that he is not leaving them and if I want him to leave give all his three boys.

I have spoken to my mother in law about this, and she we need to work together to overcome this, I do not want to overcome this.

I do not know what I am going to do, my mother in law has suggested that me and the boys go and stay with her, he was also very angry that I contacted her.

Yes of course I am going to contact her to tell her what her son gets up to in his spare time.

Oh goodness. Your mil should be telling her son to go and live with her, not you! I’m sorry you’ve found out he cheated. I hope you can move on and be happy. Is the house in your name only?

No, the house is in both of our names. I can not believe that I have been so stupid, the real that I have stayed with him for so long because I do not want anyone else to have him.

Yes I am pretty annoyed with my mother in law, but I appreciate and love her as she has been a second mum to me.

I really don't know what I am going to do, I just feel disgusting and worthless now.

I think to myself why aren't I good enough for him? am I UGLY? even though I get approached by men/boys or is it because I will do perform certain things for him in the bedroom i.e oral s*x he has never asked for it, but I made it clear to him when we first got together that, that's something I would never feel comfortable doing and I thought he was fine with that, because he said that he would never feel comfortable with me doing something that I myself aren't comfortable with.

And the most horrid thing is the girl that he was cheating on me with also has a boyfriend.

The pair of them were making jokes about me and her partner who is/was currently in prison.

The texts were something along the lines off

GIVE ME TO HER PARTNER AND SHE WILL TAKE MY HUSBAND, SHE EVEN SAID THAT THE BOYS CAN COME AND LIVE WITH THEM. I don't care if they were joking, it's disgusting.

Then she said IT WOULD BE CURTAINS FOR HER IF HER PARTNER EVER FOUND OUT, does anyone here know the meaning of that phrase?

So this girl, was sleeping with my husband whilst her partner is/was currently locked up behind bars.

This is one of the most batshit posts I have ever read on here. I call bullshit on all of the OPs stories

Thought you'd be back... gonna consider leaving him now or is that still "out of the question"

This is the reason that I didn't want to come back here and post, I have been truthful throughout, this has been my safe place where I could open up.

If you think that I am lying could you please not comment.

I spoke to my mother in law again, she convinced him to go and stay with her, he has taken our three year old with him.

Both boys broke up from school/nursery yesterday, so for now it's going to be just me, my eldest and the baby.

My eldest has already sensed something is wrong, but I do not want to tell him as I do not want to tarnish his father. I never even thought that why family would be torn apart like this.

Are you 2 bottles in OP?

Could you let us know if you’re now open to ending the relationship or if you’re still not? This will affect the advice you get.

I have told him that there is no coming back from this, because I do not believe that it is the first time it has happened (which I don't) I can't be with him after this, things could never ever be the same again.

And no I haven't had my bottles of wine, I will not give him the satisfaction. I will also be attending AA meetings hopefully as soon as possible. I have to do this for the boys, I do not know how I am possibly going to manage with the three of them.

We should be planning our summer holiday abroad, I will be taking my eldest and the baby somewhere regardless of this situation.

Please

If you do not have anything nice or supportive to add, please can you stay away!

You've spent a lot of time attacking other people on here for suggesting your husband is a useless piece of shit.

Please expect people to not have much sympathy. Everyone has been urging you to protect yourself and your kids before it's too late.

Now the shits hit the fan (if this is even real)

You still dont want to tarnish him even though he's taken a large shit all over you.

So what are you going to do about it. Where's your mate? Maybe he can help you.

Well I’m glad that you’re now willing to leave him, even if it’s a bit sad that it took him cheating as him emotionally damaging your sons wasn’t enough.

It’s great you’re not drinking and that you recognise you mustnt do that. Find some AA meetings tonight for the next few weeks so they are in your diary.

You say you don’t know how you’ll manage but financially whatever he has, half is yours, and he clearly has a lot.

And you do everything for the kids already so you’ve been solo parenting for a while, just with a man in the house emotionally damaging them and controlling you.

Time for a change. I think a meeting with a solicitor to discuss your options in the first instance would be sensible.

Do you have access to money of your own easily?

I have spoken to my friends, now my husband is gone I will ask him to come and stay with us.

No one can really help me in this situation other than be there for me when I need help with the boys, I am dreading taking care of all 3 off them alone, I honestly don't think I'll be able to do it.

I hope my husband is please with himself, now he has gone he will take the opportunity to go and do what he wants, I am just so upset.

I put my hands on him, which a regret but I was so so angry, I'll be okay I am going to have to be for the boys sake.

Yes I have access to my money, I am not taking him back he is the one who has caused this.

You've said many times you dont put responsibility on him for looking after the kids. You enjoy doing it all yourself

So he's taken that as granted and gone off with no care.

Are you saying you hit him? Have you hit him before?

I know, but he has always been there.

Yes I did hit him, and I have done it before.

Time to end this absolute madness then OP.

There’s physical assaults happening now on top of everything else.

Your children deserve a calm, stable, loving household. That doesn’t have to include two parents both living under the same roof and it cannot include their two parents under the same roof because your relationship is so unhealthy, unhappy and toxic.

You have money available. You need to focus on counselling (solo) and seeing a solicitor so you can get a plan together.

Focus on logistics and facts now, don’t get caught up in punishment / revenge etc. What’s done is done. The relationship must end.

Time to put your children first and create a happier, healthier life for them and for you.

Yes, I feel awful afterwards.

I'll be okay, I am going to have to sort out a lot of things.

How do I tell my 9 year old? my husband wanted to go and speak to him before he left, I told him to leave him alone because he has caused enough damage, and I am the one who is going to have to pick up the pieces.

I am glad you have put an end to this relationship, Mummy. I don't quite understand why your husband has taken your three year old with him but that's for you to sort out.

Being unfaithful is the last straw.

You will manage without him. You are going to have a friend staying with you for a while and you can, in time, get an au pair.

Once you're used to being single, you'll be stronger. Thank goodness finances aren't a problem.

You were a couple of kids when you got together and had your first child and it's not unusual for such relationships to break up but you are young enough to rebuild your life, and be successful.

Good for you not having your wine this evening. Cut down your intake, you can do it.

Contact a solicitor about divorce and all it entails - ans don't look bac!.The hurt will pass.

Good luck.

I just let him take him, plus I know he will be taken good care of by his nan so that puts my mind at rest. There is going to be a lot of tears and tantrums when it's time to come home as always.

Yes being unfaithful is the last straw, I keep experiencing negative intrusive thoughts which I can't get rid of at the the moment.

Your life will be so much better OP once you end your relationship with him. He’s a prick

Thank you for the support, I will not be going back to him.

This morning my one year old went from room to room, I think he is looking for him

I agree

No one can really help me in this situation other than be there for me when I need help with the boys, I am dreading taking care of all 3 off them alone, I honestly don't think I'll be able to do it.

I'm afraid you'll have to sort yourself out. You clearly have money to employ help. My dd is a single parent of 3 under 10 with a useless ex who is managing a full time medical degree and coping on a tiny amount of money.
You have financial choices most single mothers don't