For letting my son go to his friends house

[MummyToMNandR]

Hello

I let my son go over to his friends house after school just for an hour and a half, they have become very close in school since him starting in September.

I see mum every single morning, I wouldn’t say class her as a friend yet, we usually have a short conversation then she goes about her day.

This afternoon whilst at pick up, she said “you can ask M if he would like to come over for an hour or so” then she looked at me and said that he has been wanting to ask him for a while now, only if that’s okay with you.

My son was happy and said yes, then asked me if it would be okay.

Bearing in mind, my son suffers from anxiety and has been going through a rough time recently, regarding being outside/new environments/ people etc.

So I obviously didn’t want to say no, because it would be a huge step for him to come out of his comfort zone.

She asked if I wanted to come with him, but I didn’t think it would be appropriate especially when I had my other two children with me, she gave me her mobile number, and I insisted that her and her son got into my car so I could drop them home, just for a peace of mind.

My son enjoyed the short time he spent at his friends house, and asked if he could come over to ours tomorrow and I sort of said yes.

The issue now is my Husband, I didn’t think he’d be home because he went out, when I got home he asked where our son was, I told him that he’d gone round to his friends and I would go and collect him soon.

He wasn’t happy and told me to go and get him, l said I would go and get him in a hour and half and that I don’t understand what the problem is, when actually I do.

He told me that my sons friends are not to come over to the house and he is not going over there, and I always let it go over my head and say to myself “whatever”

When I got back with our son, the first thing my husband said “didn’t I tell you, that you’re not to go over to peoples houses” my son answered “I know Dad, I’m sorry but I did want to go there” he then went on to say “You don’t listen, but you’re going to learn”

Neither my son or I fear him or are scared of him; he went out soon after and will not answer his phone, every time we have a disagreement he leaves the house and it makes me believe that he goes and sleeps with someone else.

Was I being unreasonable for letting my son go to his friends house? Because I don’t want to apologise to him and make things right, our son should be able to go over to his friends houses and they should be able to come here.

I will be inviting him and mum over tomorrow after school, or do you think that is going to make matters worse?

@Ddakji

did she really?? Wow! What did she say to you?

He's not going to go more than once.

Therapy is a commitment and can last for years. It's tough, it's hard going, it can be painful.

3 paragraphs ranting along the lines of what I just posted. Personally I would have left it there but it got deleted (I didn’t report it).

When someone shows you who you are, believe them. The OP is a drunk who puts her husband above her children, thinks she’s god’s gift to motherhood while showing us all that she isn’t, and is probably a liar too.

Ah ok. OP - Does being a “real woman” in your book mean being a complete simp to your husband?? @MummyToMNandR Cos if so I’m happy not being a real woman. Lol

You literally say this in your post.

“Neither my son or I fear him or are scared of him; he went out soon after and will not answer his phone, every time we have a disagreement he leaves the house and it makes me believe that he goes and sleeps with someone else.”

MummyToMNandR, i am sorry for you all but the answer is in your hands, you know that.

You need some professional advice, I am not talking about psychotherapy/counselling here though that might be helpful if your husband co-operates, but your marriage is in a bad way. You and your children have a difficult life and there really is no need for it, you must see that. You are too young to be settling.

No I didn’t say that to her, I never said anything about her NOT being a real woman.

This is irrelevant because I never said she wasn’t a “Real Woman” so I don’t know why you decide to attack me.

And nobody is a simp to their husband, I never knew loving someone made you a simp.

@MummyToMNandR

you are cos you don’t assert yourself with him and go along with his shitty behaviour and bad parenting decisions. You rightly wanted your son to go on that school trip with his mates, you should have made that happen regardless of your husbands weird views on it.

You attacked her in many ways and certainly implied that

You also accused her of making up that she has a husband and kids. It was vile, aggressive, nasty, ill bred behaviour.

I'm starting to wonder if actually your husband is being driven away by your mean streak, and your family is getting anxiety from your abusive outbursts. Maybe that's why he doesn't want people round, to see you drunk, lashing out, lying, badmouthing your mother, making shit up and dragging your kids around by their wrists.

You said some nonsense about her being bitter and not being a wife and mother because nobody would choose her. It was horrible misogynistic grossness and lots of us reported it. That’s why it was deleted.

Own it.

Omg, you ought to be ashamed of yourself Op! Why do you have so much internalised misogyny?? @MummyToMNandR

The OP is saying it’s what she believes. It’s not that he has actually said it to her.

@MummyToMNandR
I think if you need support on MN, you might be better posting on the support based boards. AIBU is more for robust discussion where people will challenge you, and maybe that’s not what you need right now.

I do not get drunk; two bottles of wine doesn’t even make me tipsy.

If two bottles of wine doesn’t make you tipsy you have a real problem.
That is far more concerning than any other issue you have.

I know, I’ve went to meetings about my drink probably before.

You DO get drunk. You just dont feel drunk.

If you're necking 2 bottles of wine a night and not feeling it, you're in deep deep shit, kid.

You dont have long before the whole lot of this goes to shit - I expect your husband is going out for hours to avoid this.

You all need severe help - these poor kids. I hope social services do intervene it gets worse every time you post.

You can cut down your drink, Mummy. Two bottles of wine is a lot. Aim on only having one, space your drinks out over the evening. It can be done, honestly. Then aim for half a bottle. You are drinking to escape but ruining your health. Fortunately you have youth on your side and probably don't feel too bad at the moment but I can assure you that will not lost, you will eventually feel, and be, very ill. Alcohol in excess is poison. Your children don't want a drunk mother.

Drip
drip
drip

If you have been to meetings I assume you mean AA.
There is no shame in admitting that. Getting sober needs to be your primary focus now, because anything else is going to ruin your own life. And it will do the same to children.
Alcoholics live in chaos and are often deeply damaged. Whatever it was that has brought it on, only you can deal with it.
There is an alcohol support section on here which can help if you are willing to go over there.
Looking back, a lot of your signposts reflect this struggle you are in. It can be overcome but only if you are willing to at least try.
Having money, status, not having to work, all of these things are of no value if you are actively in an addiction.
You deserve better and so do your children. Give yourself the gift of trying. Go to a meeting, find a sponsor, and you will be able to start a better future.

Sounds like his dad had already got to him to manipulate him into “not wanting to go” aka being too scared of Dad.

he is abusive & controlling.

do you have any other nagging feelings that something might not be quite right?

No, I don’t please stop reaching for more. He is not afraid of his Dad.

If our son wants to go to a friends house or he wants friends over he can.

I wouldn’t allow my child into the house of an alcoholic. Which is what you are, OP. You shouldn’t be driving either.

It's such a shame that Mumsnet can't intervene trace the IP number and report to social services it's very much needed.