For letting my son go to his friends house

[MummyToMNandR]

Hello

I let my son go over to his friends house after school just for an hour and a half, they have become very close in school since him starting in September.

I see mum every single morning, I wouldn’t say class her as a friend yet, we usually have a short conversation then she goes about her day.

This afternoon whilst at pick up, she said “you can ask M if he would like to come over for an hour or so” then she looked at me and said that he has been wanting to ask him for a while now, only if that’s okay with you.

My son was happy and said yes, then asked me if it would be okay.

Bearing in mind, my son suffers from anxiety and has been going through a rough time recently, regarding being outside/new environments/ people etc.

So I obviously didn’t want to say no, because it would be a huge step for him to come out of his comfort zone.

She asked if I wanted to come with him, but I didn’t think it would be appropriate especially when I had my other two children with me, she gave me her mobile number, and I insisted that her and her son got into my car so I could drop them home, just for a peace of mind.

My son enjoyed the short time he spent at his friends house, and asked if he could come over to ours tomorrow and I sort of said yes.

The issue now is my Husband, I didn’t think he’d be home because he went out, when I got home he asked where our son was, I told him that he’d gone round to his friends and I would go and collect him soon.

He wasn’t happy and told me to go and get him, l said I would go and get him in a hour and half and that I don’t understand what the problem is, when actually I do.

He told me that my sons friends are not to come over to the house and he is not going over there, and I always let it go over my head and say to myself “whatever”

When I got back with our son, the first thing my husband said “didn’t I tell you, that you’re not to go over to peoples houses” my son answered “I know Dad, I’m sorry but I did want to go there” he then went on to say “You don’t listen, but you’re going to learn”

Neither my son or I fear him or are scared of him; he went out soon after and will not answer his phone, every time we have a disagreement he leaves the house and it makes me believe that he goes and sleeps with someone else.

Was I being unreasonable for letting my son go to his friends house? Because I don’t want to apologise to him and make things right, our son should be able to go over to his friends houses and they should be able to come here.

I will be inviting him and mum over tomorrow after school, or do you think that is going to make matters worse?

To be fair, the one man is a friend who she actually knows and who is aware of all the nuances of the situation. And we’re strangers on the internet. I have found OP intensely frustrating, but I can’t fault her for placing the opinion of a real life mate over Mumsnet.

You live near Hyde Park. What motorway were you on within a half hour drive of Hyde Park? What shopping centre were you going to?

Mummy, you said: "my mum will look after the boys."

Earlier you had said, more than once, that you did not like you mum!

Other than that, I am very pleased you have confided these problems to someone in real life and that person says much the same as us.

May have meant the A40, going to Westfield shopping centre.

Westfield

Thank you for clarifying this 🙂

Throughout my time posting here, I’ve been completely honest with everything.

It seems like certain users are trying to catch me out on little things, but they never will be able to.

That’s right, I do not like my mum but I trust her to look after my children.

Of course I can. It takes barely any time at all to drive from Hyde Park to Westfield. 30 mins into the journey and you’d already be there.

You’re doing what you’ve done throughout this thread and thrown in yet another long post about the latest to-do, while still continuing to ignore what people are saying.

How do you know that we didn’t go or stop or somewhere before we headed there?

I am NOT going to do this with you, because you are bored, pathetic and childish.

I am not ignoring what people have said, I’ve already found therapy for me and my son.

I just need to now speak to my husband, listen I would appreciate it if you didn’t comment on my posts anyone, if you do you will be regarded

I can post where I like on MN. You’re not in charge. Don’t forget you’ve already had one post deleted where, if I remember rightly, you told me I couldn’t possibly have a husband or child because I wasn’t a real woman or somesuch.

Careful now.

I actually disagree. Yes this man may be familiar with the family situation, etc., but for so many women to tell her that she needs her husband to get help to sort himself out, or leave him, and her to think that we're ALL wrong, but suddenly she believes us just because this guy agrees that we're right, seems about as weird as everything else going on in this household.

Sorry,

It is not just “some guy” I have knew him since I was 4 years of age, he is my best friend.

Hmm and he's only just been made aware of all the shite going on in your family

Sure. 🍿

That would depend on the traffic, it can be very difficult at times.

That means you like her in some ways, Mummy :-). That's nice. Everyone makes mistakes in life but not many sins are totally unforgivable.

Anyway I hope your talk with husband is productive and that you continue to move forward.

When he tells you he's going out to sleep with someone else - pack all of his stuff up and put it outside and then get the locks changed.

Why are you putting up with this. Honestly. Look at the damage it's doing to your son, surely you care about him even if you don't care about yourself ?

A lot of people do not know what goes on behind closed doors.

Sorry what?

My husband has never ever said that to me, please read before commenting in future!

I’ve spoken to my husband

“Every time we have a disagreement he leaves the house and it makes me believe that he goes and sleeps with someone else.”

that’s in your OP.

People are reading. You are bonkers.

Good, and the result is?

That’s what I believe because I get so stressed out!

I told him that he needs to go and get therapy for his anxiety and I will find him a place, he didn’t deny the fact that he has it, I said that some of his ways are rubbing off on our 9 year old and gave him a few example, but in between I told him how much I love him and that I just want to help him and it will make him feel better and life will be much easier for him.

First of all he said he is not going, then I had to remind him what I’ve done for him, my late granddad left me this house, which is too big for us, I wanted to sell it and get something that would be ideal for us. and if I’m complete my honest I’ve only just got used to living here, it’s been hard. My husband literally kept pestering me for us to move in his house and I eventually gave in to make him happy, him going to therapy and addressing his anxiety is going to make me happy.

He has agreed to go, but said if he feels like it’s pointless then he will not go back again.

Fair enough. Personally, I would always place the opinions of people I know, who care for me have a genuine interest in my wellbeing, above comments from strangers on the internet, however many of these strangers there might be. I expect that this is the case for most people.

Re therapy for your husband.... He has agreed to go, but said if he feels like it’s pointless then he will not go back again.... so he's already setting it up for failure, that's sad 😔