For letting my son go to his friends house

[MummyToMNandR]

Hello

I let my son go over to his friends house after school just for an hour and a half, they have become very close in school since him starting in September.

I see mum every single morning, I wouldn’t say class her as a friend yet, we usually have a short conversation then she goes about her day.

This afternoon whilst at pick up, she said “you can ask M if he would like to come over for an hour or so” then she looked at me and said that he has been wanting to ask him for a while now, only if that’s okay with you.

My son was happy and said yes, then asked me if it would be okay.

Bearing in mind, my son suffers from anxiety and has been going through a rough time recently, regarding being outside/new environments/ people etc.

So I obviously didn’t want to say no, because it would be a huge step for him to come out of his comfort zone.

She asked if I wanted to come with him, but I didn’t think it would be appropriate especially when I had my other two children with me, she gave me her mobile number, and I insisted that her and her son got into my car so I could drop them home, just for a peace of mind.

My son enjoyed the short time he spent at his friends house, and asked if he could come over to ours tomorrow and I sort of said yes.

The issue now is my Husband, I didn’t think he’d be home because he went out, when I got home he asked where our son was, I told him that he’d gone round to his friends and I would go and collect him soon.

He wasn’t happy and told me to go and get him, l said I would go and get him in a hour and half and that I don’t understand what the problem is, when actually I do.

He told me that my sons friends are not to come over to the house and he is not going over there, and I always let it go over my head and say to myself “whatever”

When I got back with our son, the first thing my husband said “didn’t I tell you, that you’re not to go over to peoples houses” my son answered “I know Dad, I’m sorry but I did want to go there” he then went on to say “You don’t listen, but you’re going to learn”

Neither my son or I fear him or are scared of him; he went out soon after and will not answer his phone, every time we have a disagreement he leaves the house and it makes me believe that he goes and sleeps with someone else.

Was I being unreasonable for letting my son go to his friends house? Because I don’t want to apologise to him and make things right, our son should be able to go over to his friends houses and they should be able to come here.

I will be inviting him and mum over tomorrow after school, or do you think that is going to make matters worse?

You're all over the place @MummyToMNandR . One minute extolling the virtues of your husband (which some of us are simply not able to see , given your description) and then talking about needing a break from him and the reason that you don't leave him being due to not coping with your own children.

You say you've got money. That buys you a lot of options many people don't have. Orginally, way back, you said that you were concerned that your husband was seeing someone else. This seems to be exercising you more than the stress your kids are being put through by this relationship. Try to think about that because your son isn't fine and before long, none of them will be.

So you don’t trust your husband to competently look after your children alone? Why?

So you don’t trust your husband to look after your children but you’re adamant that you won’t leave him.

For the love of God, would you please answer the question that COUNTLESS posters have asked …… WHY???? Why won’t you leave him????

When did I say I didn’t trust my husband to look after our children? please don’t put words into my mouth, if I didn’t trust him to look after our boys, I wouldn’t have went and had three children with him.

There has been many times when I have gone on short breaks/holidays which have been planned.

Right now my husband knows I’m annoyed with him, I don’t and won’t hide it.

I said I would leave my mum to look after the boys, so my husband can also have time to himself.

@MummyToMNandR

lovely OP 👍

Well I do think going away for a few days might be a good idea, to give you time to think.

You’ve said it plenty of times in this thread. That your husband can’t be expected to look after his own children.

One is in school, one is in full time
nursery (despite having 2 non-working parents) and you look after one. You’re planning to go away with the youngest but your husband can’t look after the other two despite the fact that they’re out of the house all day, and he “needs time to himself”.

With every post you make this man less and less attractive as a husband, parent and general human being.

Here for a start

Here, for a start

Where did I say I can’t trust him?

What else does “I can’t give my husband the responsibility of looking after his own children” mean?

Well why else wouldn't you put that responsibility on him? Or is it because he is a man and therefore doesn't need to parent and you are a woman so all the responsibility automatically falls to you, regardless of the fact neither of you work. Which is it? Because either way, it's pathetic.

I didn’t say that either.

I said I wouldn’t put that responsibility on him, it’s nothing to do with trust, of course I trust him with the boys.

I want to take a break, and I think it would be good if he had sometime to himself.

Nothing about me NOT trusting him.

So what does it mean? Why can a father not have the responsibility of looking after his own children?

And it sounds like he has plenty of time to himself - all day every day pretty much.

No you’re pathetic.

I like to look after my children, I get joy doing everything.

So you don’t actually allow the father of your children to spend any quality time with his children, doing stuff just with him?

Why not?

@MummyToMNandR your DH already seems to have a lot of time to himself

@MummyToMNandR

ok, well, crack on then!

You get joy doing everything, yet won't cope on your own with them? Really.

I'm not the one on here with a shit husband and anxious kids :) I'm very not pathetic, my marriage is a happy and equal one, my husband doesn't fuck off for hours and sleep with his back to me, and he welcomes visitors into our home like a normal human being 😁

Also you can't answer the question which tells us everything we need to know.

🙏🏼RIP

Sorry, are you okay?

Of course he does things and spends time with our boys.

I’m done here, I’m deleting my account.

Good luck getting all the sand out your ears!

But OP you’re posting about your issues with your controlling, selfish husband frequently as well as concerns about your son whose behaviour you are struggling with (while contributing to it along with your husband), drinking two bottles of wine alone some nights… you aren’t getting enough joy out of life really. And you know that, which is why you keep posting. But it’s pointless if you are unwilling to take on any advice.

Your husband robbed your son of a fun, empowering and important shared experience with his friends this week. You knew it was wrong for him to do this as you told him so once your son left the room, and also posted about it on here saying how angry it made you.

But you didn’t speak up in front of your son and / or make sure he did go on the school trip with his friends.

You again prioritised your husband over your son. And for as long as you do that, your joy will be very limited. As will your son’s development and happiness.

Bye them. You’ve probably got time for another bottle of wine.