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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For letting my son go to his friends house

1000 replies

MummyToMNandR · 16/06/2025 20:31

Hello

I let my son go over to his friends house after school just for an hour and a half, they have become very close in school since him starting in September.

I see mum every single morning, I wouldn’t say class her as a friend yet, we usually have a short conversation then she goes about her day.

This afternoon whilst at pick up, she said “you can ask M if he would like to come over for an hour or so” then she looked at me and said that he has been wanting to ask him for a while now, only if that’s okay with you.

My son was happy and said yes, then asked me if it would be okay.

Bearing in mind, my son suffers from anxiety and has been going through a rough time recently, regarding being outside/new environments/ people etc.

So I obviously didn’t want to say no, because it would be a huge step for him to come out of his comfort zone.

She asked if I wanted to come with him, but I didn’t think it would be appropriate especially when I had my other two children with me, she gave me her mobile number, and I insisted that her and her son got into my car so I could drop them home, just for a peace of mind.

My son enjoyed the short time he spent at his friends house, and asked if he could come over to ours tomorrow and I sort of said yes.

The issue now is my Husband, I didn’t think he’d be home because he went out, when I got home he asked where our son was, I told him that he’d gone round to his friends and I would go and collect him soon.

He wasn’t happy and told me to go and get him, l said I would go and get him in a hour and half and that I don’t understand what the problem is, when actually I do.

He told me that my sons friends are not to come over to the house and he is not going over there, and I always let it go over my head and say to myself “whatever”

When I got back with our son, the first thing my husband said “didn’t I tell you, that you’re not to go over to peoples houses” my son answered “I know Dad, I’m sorry but I did want to go there” he then went on to say “You don’t listen, but you’re going to learn”

Neither my son or I fear him or are scared of him; he went out soon after and will not answer his phone, every time we have a disagreement he leaves the house and it makes me believe that he goes and sleeps with someone else.

Was I being unreasonable for letting my son go to his friends house? Because I don’t want to apologise to him and make things right, our son should be able to go over to his friends houses and they should be able to come here.

I will be inviting him and mum over tomorrow after school, or do you think that is going to make matters worse?

OP posts:
waxymoron · 27/06/2025 18:12

I've decided you are as nasty and ridiculous as the husband. Won't leave this awful man (no reason given) insults people trying to help ('you're a witch' etc) think your clearly vastly superior to 'normal' child abusers and yet are giving your kids the shittiest life money can buy.
Well Done.
Go away and carry on with your horrendous life

anytipswelcome · 27/06/2025 18:13

Your son is being so badly let down at home it’s depressing. Poor boy 😞

awkwardasfuck · 27/06/2025 18:15

MummyToMNandR · 27/06/2025 17:17

No, he was fine today after school.

Nobody here believes that one bit

Cherrytree86 · 27/06/2025 18:15

MummyToMNandR · 27/06/2025 17:17

No, he was fine today after school.

@MummyToMNandR

well, that’s ok then 🙄

anytipswelcome · 27/06/2025 18:23

awkwardasfuck · 27/06/2025 18:15

Nobody here believes that one bit

As if he’d confide in either of them the way they’re behaving. Poor thing.

MummyToMNandR · 27/06/2025 18:23

awkwardasfuck · 27/06/2025 18:15

Nobody here believes that one bit

I don’t care if anyone here doesn’t believe me, my child was fine. We have plenty of long distance holidays each year and he knows if he ever wants to go somewhere I’ll take him.

OP posts:
ninjahamster · 27/06/2025 18:26

MummyToMNandR · 27/06/2025 18:23

I don’t care if anyone here doesn’t believe me, my child was fine. We have plenty of long distance holidays each year and he knows if he ever wants to go somewhere I’ll take him.

But that’s not the point! The point is, he needs to experience things WITHOUT you and/or your husband. He needs to learn some independent skills, be put in situations where he has to analyse risk himself.

Cherrytree86 · 27/06/2025 18:26

MummyToMNandR · 27/06/2025 18:23

I don’t care if anyone here doesn’t believe me, my child was fine. We have plenty of long distance holidays each year and he knows if he ever wants to go somewhere I’ll take him.

@MummyToMNandR

Nope. You are wrong. That’s not the same as going with his friends . He IS missing out.

Why couldn’t he had gone on that school trip with his little pals?? 😢

MummyToMNandR · 27/06/2025 18:30

I am very stressed out at the moment.

My husband has gone out, I called him to ask him something and he won’t answer his phone or reply to my texts.

Now, he knows I get stressed out and anxious over this but still continues to do it, he’ll call me soon.

This is one thing I can’t deal with, with him.

I think I need a short break away just me and my one year old, to figure out what I am going to do because I can’t live like this.

I love my husband so much, but I am getting very tired now, so tired.

I know it may seem like I’m not listening, I am but I am not willing to break up my family unit I wouldn’t be able to cope alone with the boys.

OP posts:
ninjahamster · 27/06/2025 18:34

He’s emotionally abusing you (as well as your son).
You CAN cope alone, you have one thing that many don’t - money.
You’ll be able to utilise childcare.

crumblingschools · 27/06/2025 18:36

Why wouldn’t you be able to cope? How much does your DH actually do? Does he actually cause more problems?

I assume as you seem to be wealthy you could buy in help?

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 27/06/2025 18:42

Poor kids. All that money and living in this shitshow.
Absolutely no blueprint being modelled of contributing to society, being part of meaningful groups.
Not allowing the 9 year old to go
on a trip….
I know there are children living in poverty and also ones who are physically abused. But this child is living in poverty of spirit.
As for the husband going missing…
I would be out of there and get some help with childcare. There are mums with three kids on their own with little resources who have to get on with it, working two or three jobs at the same time.
These children are being damaged in a way far worse than OP’s mother leaving as a teen, which I’m sure wasn’t nice.
Leave, stop drinking, and find a purpose. Give these children some structure, a proper family and social life so they don’t live in fear.

awkwardasfuck · 27/06/2025 18:57

MummyToMNandR · 27/06/2025 18:23

I don’t care if anyone here doesn’t believe me, my child was fine. We have plenty of long distance holidays each year and he knows if he ever wants to go somewhere I’ll take him.

Then why keep posting? You either want opinions because your life is pretty fucked up, or everything's hunky dory.

I'd guess you're telling yourself he's fine so yet again you don't have to consider taking any actual action to improve your kids wellbeing.

waxymoron · 27/06/2025 19:07

Sounds like you could hire a nanny if you're worried about 'coping alone'.
You have a million options if you're as wealthy as you say. It's getting very tiresome now.

BakelikeBertha · 27/06/2025 19:15

I'm beginning to think the money is actually a load of bullshit, and the OP is at home on benefits, bored out of her skull, and entertaining herself by telling us all these ridiculous stories.

Iloveeverycat · 27/06/2025 19:24

MummyToMNandR · 27/06/2025 18:23

I don’t care if anyone here doesn’t believe me, my child was fine. We have plenty of long distance holidays each year and he knows if he ever wants to go somewhere I’ll take him.

Sounds like your son would be on a we took you to stately homes thread in the future.

OwlOwlOwlCat · 27/06/2025 19:30

If he ever wants to go somewhere, I'll take him.

OP, this is exactly what your husband thought - and did - which is what you were so unhappy about. Don't lose sight of what you were angry about in order to justify your husband's actions to yourself.

I think the scales are falling from your eyes a bit re your marriage. Maybe this and your other threads in combination with what's going on in your life are making you realise things aren't as good or normal as you thought. You've also said you've been with your husband since you were young. In those circumstances, it can be really scary to realise things aren't right, and maybe haven't been for a long time. And it can be scary when people tell you to leave your husband when you experienced your own parents splitting up. But you can't keep trying to justify what you know is wrong. Have you got any friends or family you could confide in? Would you consider talking to a counselor?

MummyToMNandR · 27/06/2025 19:54

To be honest I wouldn’t want to confide in my family members or friends, they all like him. My Husband is a very likeable person, he isn’t a nasty person.

I just need a break, and could people stop accusing me of trolling, I wish I was a troll and this was all a fantasy but it’s my real life.

OP posts:
IchiNiSanShiGo · 27/06/2025 20:02

MummyToMNandR · 27/06/2025 19:54

To be honest I wouldn’t want to confide in my family members or friends, they all like him. My Husband is a very likeable person, he isn’t a nasty person.

I just need a break, and could people stop accusing me of trolling, I wish I was a troll and this was all a fantasy but it’s my real life.

Op, how are you going to go away for a break with your 1 yr old if you won’t put the responsibility of parenting the other 2 on your husband? What’s your plan?

Uricon2 · 27/06/2025 20:09

MummyToMNandR · 27/06/2025 18:30

I am very stressed out at the moment.

My husband has gone out, I called him to ask him something and he won’t answer his phone or reply to my texts.

Now, he knows I get stressed out and anxious over this but still continues to do it, he’ll call me soon.

This is one thing I can’t deal with, with him.

I think I need a short break away just me and my one year old, to figure out what I am going to do because I can’t live like this.

I love my husband so much, but I am getting very tired now, so tired.

I know it may seem like I’m not listening, I am but I am not willing to break up my family unit I wouldn’t be able to cope alone with the boys.

Only 7 minutes earlier you were posting about your son being "fine".

I'm not sure if this is just attention seeking but I see a shark.

ETA no number of foreign holdays will ever compensate for decent, consistent parenting, BTW

awkwardasfuck · 27/06/2025 20:14

Uricon2 · 27/06/2025 20:09

Only 7 minutes earlier you were posting about your son being "fine".

I'm not sure if this is just attention seeking but I see a shark.

ETA no number of foreign holdays will ever compensate for decent, consistent parenting, BTW

Edited

Op's idea of "fine" is warped

MummyToMNandR · 27/06/2025 20:16

Uricon2 · 27/06/2025 20:09

Only 7 minutes earlier you were posting about your son being "fine".

I'm not sure if this is just attention seeking but I see a shark.

ETA no number of foreign holdays will ever compensate for decent, consistent parenting, BTW

Edited

Is there a typo?

My child was and is fine, it is Friday so he is free to do whatever he likes tonight.

OP posts:
Cherrytree86 · 27/06/2025 20:17

MummyToMNandR · 27/06/2025 20:16

Is there a typo?

My child was and is fine, it is Friday so he is free to do whatever he likes tonight.

@MummyToMNandR

ok… so what’s the problem then?

MummyToMNandR · 27/06/2025 20:17

IchiNiSanShiGo · 27/06/2025 20:02

Op, how are you going to go away for a break with your 1 yr old if you won’t put the responsibility of parenting the other 2 on your husband? What’s your plan?

I would leave them with my mum, I don’t like my mum but I trust her with my children.

OP posts:
awkwardasfuck · 27/06/2025 20:22

MummyToMNandR · 27/06/2025 20:17

I would leave them with my mum, I don’t like my mum but I trust her with my children.

So you don't trust your husband with your two other children?

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