For letting my son go to his friends house

[MummyToMNandR]

Hello

I let my son go over to his friends house after school just for an hour and a half, they have become very close in school since him starting in September.

I see mum every single morning, I wouldn’t say class her as a friend yet, we usually have a short conversation then she goes about her day.

This afternoon whilst at pick up, she said “you can ask M if he would like to come over for an hour or so” then she looked at me and said that he has been wanting to ask him for a while now, only if that’s okay with you.

My son was happy and said yes, then asked me if it would be okay.

Bearing in mind, my son suffers from anxiety and has been going through a rough time recently, regarding being outside/new environments/ people etc.

So I obviously didn’t want to say no, because it would be a huge step for him to come out of his comfort zone.

She asked if I wanted to come with him, but I didn’t think it would be appropriate especially when I had my other two children with me, she gave me her mobile number, and I insisted that her and her son got into my car so I could drop them home, just for a peace of mind.

My son enjoyed the short time he spent at his friends house, and asked if he could come over to ours tomorrow and I sort of said yes.

The issue now is my Husband, I didn’t think he’d be home because he went out, when I got home he asked where our son was, I told him that he’d gone round to his friends and I would go and collect him soon.

He wasn’t happy and told me to go and get him, l said I would go and get him in a hour and half and that I don’t understand what the problem is, when actually I do.

He told me that my sons friends are not to come over to the house and he is not going over there, and I always let it go over my head and say to myself “whatever”

When I got back with our son, the first thing my husband said “didn’t I tell you, that you’re not to go over to peoples houses” my son answered “I know Dad, I’m sorry but I did want to go there” he then went on to say “You don’t listen, but you’re going to learn”

Neither my son or I fear him or are scared of him; he went out soon after and will not answer his phone, every time we have a disagreement he leaves the house and it makes me believe that he goes and sleeps with someone else.

Was I being unreasonable for letting my son go to his friends house? Because I don’t want to apologise to him and make things right, our son should be able to go over to his friends houses and they should be able to come here.

I will be inviting him and mum over tomorrow after school, or do you think that is going to make matters worse?

Tell your DH to get a bloody job and get a life. He needs to set an example for his boys for God's sake...

You saying you're probably going to buy him that £65 game at the end of the week anyway, then wondering why he's acting like a spoiled brat?! Saying "oh id never make him wait so long for a treat" or "he won't be getting a treat this week" - it's obvious to me that you're buying his love constantly.

It sounds as though your husbands family has a lot of money - so that's possibly why you don't see the value of things the same as other people.

What a sad misogynistic little flex. This comment really says more about you than the person you’re attempting to insult.

Just…gross.

Excuse me? Who the hell do you think you are 😳

You asked for opinions, you got them. Simmer down!

I actually really wish people wouldn’t report posts like that one to be deleted - they are extremely instructive to others pitching up on the thread who
might otherwise waste their time on the OP.

@MummyToMNandR
are you drinking tonight? You seem quite volatile in the evenings and I know you’ve been drinking before when posting on here.

Again you deny something you have already said he did

Have you trouble remembering what you have written

My husband pays all the bills, gives money for the weekly shop and pays for the boys nursery and school fees and holidays. I take care of everything else.

Why? because he wants to, there are times when I have just went ahead and paid what has needed to be paid and he has got very offended, because he likes to pay.

This has got nothing to do with money and me seeing the value of things. £65 is very little to me, but I am trying to teach my 9 year old the value of money because he doesn’t seem to understand, he always asks for high value presents/gadgets and even when it’s time to go on holiday he always wants to go “somewhere far away” when other kids would be happy with going to Spain etc.

He has never once called me a name or belittled the boys, please quote where I said that.

Do people really act and live like this? Husband not allowing the children to have friends, wandering the streets when visitors are 'allowed' to show, more money than empathy, a mother being clearly far too good and special to take sensible advice and a kid allowed to tell a decorator to get out of his house?
There are some seriously horrendous problems in this family and despite your snide 'we dont need social services, we're rich and superior' comments, you bloody do my love.
Yuk

😛 😛

You’re a real life witch!

You’re drunk 🙄

I wonder what would happen if an ambulance was ever needed to go to the house? The husband would have 40 fits with the people and the smell

I actually haven’t had wine today, there was no need for me to.

To be honest with you, I don’t not allow anyone to bully or belittle in real life, so I’m not going to allow people to do it on here.

And the people who are doing it wouldn’t have the nerve or courage to say these things to me in real life, no one likes a coward.

You make out like he’s sacrificing hugely to fund this lifestyle financially so you “take care of everything else”. But he doesn’t work, you said? So why on earth are you taking care of “everything else”?!

Doesn’t sound like a very nice partner or dad to me!

If my partner had a windfall / inheritance etc that made him independently wealthy, he would also be happy to fund our family. He wouldn’t, however, expect or allow me to take care of “everything else” if he didn’t need to work. Because he’s not a dick.

I think you’ve had a hard time. It’s very difficult when you’re in an unhealthy relationship to recognise that. It must be very strange both being at home all the time with each other, no incentive to go out to work as you have all the money you need. I’m assuming you don’t have friends you both meet up with due to your husband’s issues.
One child in private school, one in full time nursery so just you and your husband and youngest, rattling around in the house.
Could you do something meaningful with some of your money? Maybe set up a charity or something?

If you were a friend of mine then I would absolutely be telling you to your face, if you asked me for advice like you asked people on here, that your relationship is unhealthy, your husband is controlling and your home environment is damaging to your children.

And that your son’s current behaviour makes complete sense when you step back and look at the home environment he is currently living in.

Do you have close friends you can confide in? Maybe you’d listen more to them than strangers.

I would, I answer the phone for AA and I'd tell you that you have a drink problem.

And I'm not being a troll or bitchy with that comment.

You wanted a quote

When I got back with our son, the first thing my husband said “didn’t I tell you, that you’re not to go over to peoples houses” my son answered “I know Dad, I’m sorry but I did want to go there” he then went on to say “You don’t listen, but you’re going to learn

If that isn’t belittling your DS I don’t know what is.

That threat of You don’t listen, but you’re going to learn is horrible and if you can’t understand how that sort of shit is causing your DS’s anxiety then you need to look around for your own therapist

I am taking care of everything else, because I am not a freeloader and I have my own money.

Nothing is going in is it? Money, a nice house and private education doesn't make you or your husband better than anyone else.
Carry on then. You dont want advice so I'm not sure why you came on here

Be honest, you stay because of the money not because you love your dh
Your dh knows this and he has no reason to get help

I would be looking at what I could get in a divorce. Even if it was a lottery win that paid for the marital home and it is in your dh’s sole name then being married with dc means it would be marital property and not his sole property and would have to be put on the table to be divided up.

Still can’t get over that you don’t work and don’t claim child allowance. That’s not lowering yourself to claim a benefit. Thats financial incompetence given the connotations of not claiming it

Can you explain how that is belittling please.

Our son is not afraid of him, if he was afraid he wouldn’t have been keen to go over to his friends house, if he was afraid he would have said something on the way home.

Yes, I do sometimes say to him “I will tell daddy or I’m calling him” when he is misbehaving but that’s only because whenever our son asks him for something he usually gives in, so if he knows if he has done something wrong he will not get whatever it is he wants.

Because of money? you don’t know anything about my background.

My family have a lot more money than his (not that it matters)

That’s why my husband likes to pay all the bills and for the boys nursery and school fees.

And no his money didn’t pay for the marital home, it was actually left to me along with a lot of other things, but I’m not going to go into that.

My husband has also said, that he would never settle down with someone who basically is from a poor background, because he needs to be sure that she loves him for him and not what he can provide.

Money could never ever make me stay with a person.

I don’t claim any benefits because I simply don’t need it, I’d rather it go to those who actually need it.