Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For letting my son go to his friends house

1000 replies

MummyToMNandR · 16/06/2025 20:31

Hello

I let my son go over to his friends house after school just for an hour and a half, they have become very close in school since him starting in September.

I see mum every single morning, I wouldn’t say class her as a friend yet, we usually have a short conversation then she goes about her day.

This afternoon whilst at pick up, she said “you can ask M if he would like to come over for an hour or so” then she looked at me and said that he has been wanting to ask him for a while now, only if that’s okay with you.

My son was happy and said yes, then asked me if it would be okay.

Bearing in mind, my son suffers from anxiety and has been going through a rough time recently, regarding being outside/new environments/ people etc.

So I obviously didn’t want to say no, because it would be a huge step for him to come out of his comfort zone.

She asked if I wanted to come with him, but I didn’t think it would be appropriate especially when I had my other two children with me, she gave me her mobile number, and I insisted that her and her son got into my car so I could drop them home, just for a peace of mind.

My son enjoyed the short time he spent at his friends house, and asked if he could come over to ours tomorrow and I sort of said yes.

The issue now is my Husband, I didn’t think he’d be home because he went out, when I got home he asked where our son was, I told him that he’d gone round to his friends and I would go and collect him soon.

He wasn’t happy and told me to go and get him, l said I would go and get him in a hour and half and that I don’t understand what the problem is, when actually I do.

He told me that my sons friends are not to come over to the house and he is not going over there, and I always let it go over my head and say to myself “whatever”

When I got back with our son, the first thing my husband said “didn’t I tell you, that you’re not to go over to peoples houses” my son answered “I know Dad, I’m sorry but I did want to go there” he then went on to say “You don’t listen, but you’re going to learn”

Neither my son or I fear him or are scared of him; he went out soon after and will not answer his phone, every time we have a disagreement he leaves the house and it makes me believe that he goes and sleeps with someone else.

Was I being unreasonable for letting my son go to his friends house? Because I don’t want to apologise to him and make things right, our son should be able to go over to his friends houses and they should be able to come here.

I will be inviting him and mum over tomorrow after school, or do you think that is going to make matters worse?

OP posts:
MummyToMNandR · 22/06/2025 22:33

CeffylCoch · 22/06/2025 18:25

You sound as bad as him to be honest. Poor kids

Ok.

OP posts:
Stripeyanddotty · 22/06/2025 22:48

Are you drinking tonight?

awkwardasfuck · 23/06/2025 12:55

OneBrightMorning · 22/06/2025 14:33

It's hard to tell what you are looking for in this thread. Many PPs have said that your family dynamic is potentially very damaging to your children. Instead of becoming defensive and lobbing primary-school insults, why not engage with other MNers? It's certainly not healthy to drink two bottles of wine by yourself. You must have been feeling quite low to do that. It's worthwhile to examine why that might be and how your environment is affecting you as well as your children.

She's not interested in advice, just defending her abusive husband and having a pop at people. Lost cause I think.

MummyToMNandR · 23/06/2025 16:48

No I didn’t drink last night but I will certainly be drinking tonight.

I don’t know what’s wrong with my 9 year old, if it’s not the fact that we’ve spoilt him then I don’t know what it is.

On the way home for school this afternoon he asked if he could have a new game for his console, bearing in mind he just got the console this month because it was his birthday and we bought 4 game along with the accessories for him, and the game he wants is £65, he is not having it!

I told him no, and that he has enough games already, his response was “Please, I don’t have this one and it’s only £65” the end the conversation I said to him “I can’t afford it right now, and £65 is a lot of money” he then went on to say that he really wants it and he won’t ask for anything else for 2 weeks.

I don’t know whether it’s the heat, but I snapped at him a little bit and said “I said no, and if you keep on asking me you will not get it”

He accepted that he wasn’t getting it today and just said “I wish I had nicer parents” I ignored.

I currently have a painter in the house just touching up a few things, he is a family friend of my husband.

As soon as we entered the house and my son spotted him he said “Get that man out of here, I don’t like him or the painting” then went upstairs.

I immediately followed him up the stairs, I raised my voice at him which I’m not proud of and told him he is a rude disrespectful little boy and how dare him speak to people like that, he started crying and I insisted that he went down and apologised right away, because one thing I won’t have is any of our boys being rude or disrespectful.

He refused, so I pulled his hand, and attempted to take him downstairs to apologise whilst being kicked by him the process, which made me let go he then ran into the bathroom and locked the door behind him.

I took myself downstairs to apologise for my son’s rude behaviour, to realise that he had his earphones on full blast and didn’t hear what my son had said.

I literally can’t cope with this anymore 🙁 my husband has not long got home and wants to know why “his son” is his bed crying, I have told him to ask him why. I’ve had enough of the pair of them!

OP posts:
Change9944 · 23/06/2025 16:54

You won't listen to anything anyone says anyway so I'm not sure why you keep posting.

crumblingschools · 23/06/2025 16:54

Where were your other DC whilst this was happening?

Jinglejanglenamechanged25 · 23/06/2025 16:56

Not sure why a child asking for something creates such a reaction - I just tell them to put it on their list for Santa end of conversation.

MummyToMNandR · 23/06/2025 16:58

I took our one year old upstairs with me, whilst my three year old had wandered into the kitchen, I don’t understand why it matters?

OP posts:
MummyToMNandR · 23/06/2025 16:59

Jinglejanglenamechanged25 · 23/06/2025 16:56

Not sure why a child asking for something creates such a reaction - I just tell them to put it on their list for Santa end of conversation.

We are in June, I would never make any of our boys wait that long for a treat.

OP posts:
Jinglejanglenamechanged25 · 23/06/2025 17:04

MummyToMNandR · 23/06/2025 16:59

We are in June, I would never make any of our boys wait that long for a treat.

Completely missed the point there.

LookingAtMyBhunas · 23/06/2025 17:04

"As soon as we entered the house and my son spotted him he said “Get that man out of here, I don’t like him or the painting” then went upstairs"

Wonder where he gets that from 😂

LookingAtMyBhunas · 23/06/2025 17:05

MummyToMNandR · 23/06/2025 16:59

We are in June, I would never make any of our boys wait that long for a treat.

You and DH need to get jobs then don't you.

MummyToMNandR · 23/06/2025 17:05

I don’t know whether it’s the weather, but I was already feeling stressed out.

OP posts:
crumblingschools · 23/06/2025 17:07

How does your DH cope with the decorator being in the house?

AccidentalPrawnYouFool · 23/06/2025 17:08

MummyToMNandR · 23/06/2025 16:59

We are in June, I would never make any of our boys wait that long for a treat.

Well there’s your problem right there then. Like a PP said - why are you even posting? What do you want from this thread?

MummyToMNandR · 23/06/2025 17:10

He is a friend of my husbands family, I’m assuming they are pretty close.

OP posts:
Change9944 · 23/06/2025 17:11

crumblingschools · 23/06/2025 17:07

How does your DH cope with the decorator being in the house?

Sounds like that's why he has been out all day. He's worried about smelling him.

millymoo1202 · 23/06/2025 17:12

And you wonder why your son has anxiety, it’s right there staring you in the face.

Ddakji · 23/06/2025 17:16

MummyToMNandR · 23/06/2025 16:59

We are in June, I would never make any of our boys wait that long for a treat.

You have an utterly skewed view of what a treat is, presumably because neither of you earn a living. He’s just got the console and FOUR GAMES. Of course he can wait till Christmas.

If he’s a brat it’s because he has crap parents, poor little soul.

DaisyChain505 · 23/06/2025 17:20

Becoming more and more suspicious of if this is a genuine poster. The updates are all just rage baiting and there’s no actual interaction with people offering genuine advice.

ninjahamster · 23/06/2025 17:23

Kids ask for things, parents say no. Of course he can wait til Xmas, that’s an expensive item not a treat.
He wants the man out of his house because he’s picked up that his dad doesn’t like people at home. He thinks it is something to fear.

Uricon2 · 23/06/2025 17:24

I've read your posts on this and your other thread and I think you and your husband are swinging between indulgence and unnecessary restrictiveness, especially around visitors and visiting. You're also not pulling together and being consistent. If you're struggling this much without the burden of work on either of you and with seemingly no financial issues, it will not improve as your younger 2 grow up and when the current 9 year old becomes a teenager.

TBH I think the adults need rather more going on in your lives than you have which might give a sense of perspective and structure.

MummyToMNandR · 23/06/2025 17:27

ninjahamster · 23/06/2025 17:23

Kids ask for things, parents say no. Of course he can wait til Xmas, that’s an expensive item not a treat.
He wants the man out of his house because he’s picked up that his dad doesn’t like people at home. He thinks it is something to fear.

Yes, I agree with this. He has a lot of his Dads habits!

I genuinely do want help, it’s just that some of the posters on here have been very rude to me, and it makes me think they are just here for entertainment, this is my life!

OP posts:
MummyToMNandR · 23/06/2025 17:28

DaisyChain505 · 23/06/2025 17:20

Becoming more and more suspicious of if this is a genuine poster. The updates are all just rage baiting and there’s no actual interaction with people offering genuine advice.

I too wish that I wasn’t experiencing these issues and it was all a big joke.

That’s why I have been very reserved.

OP posts:
Change9944 · 23/06/2025 17:31

MummyToMNandR · 23/06/2025 17:28

I too wish that I wasn’t experiencing these issues and it was all a big joke.

That’s why I have been very reserved.

Can you actually acknowledge that your husband’s weird behaviour could be contributing to your sons behaviour?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.