For letting my son go to his friends house

[MummyToMNandR]

Hello

I let my son go over to his friends house after school just for an hour and a half, they have become very close in school since him starting in September.

I see mum every single morning, I wouldn’t say class her as a friend yet, we usually have a short conversation then she goes about her day.

This afternoon whilst at pick up, she said “you can ask M if he would like to come over for an hour or so” then she looked at me and said that he has been wanting to ask him for a while now, only if that’s okay with you.

My son was happy and said yes, then asked me if it would be okay.

Bearing in mind, my son suffers from anxiety and has been going through a rough time recently, regarding being outside/new environments/ people etc.

So I obviously didn’t want to say no, because it would be a huge step for him to come out of his comfort zone.

She asked if I wanted to come with him, but I didn’t think it would be appropriate especially when I had my other two children with me, she gave me her mobile number, and I insisted that her and her son got into my car so I could drop them home, just for a peace of mind.

My son enjoyed the short time he spent at his friends house, and asked if he could come over to ours tomorrow and I sort of said yes.

The issue now is my Husband, I didn’t think he’d be home because he went out, when I got home he asked where our son was, I told him that he’d gone round to his friends and I would go and collect him soon.

He wasn’t happy and told me to go and get him, l said I would go and get him in a hour and half and that I don’t understand what the problem is, when actually I do.

He told me that my sons friends are not to come over to the house and he is not going over there, and I always let it go over my head and say to myself “whatever”

When I got back with our son, the first thing my husband said “didn’t I tell you, that you’re not to go over to peoples houses” my son answered “I know Dad, I’m sorry but I did want to go there” he then went on to say “You don’t listen, but you’re going to learn”

Neither my son or I fear him or are scared of him; he went out soon after and will not answer his phone, every time we have a disagreement he leaves the house and it makes me believe that he goes and sleeps with someone else.

Was I being unreasonable for letting my son go to his friends house? Because I don’t want to apologise to him and make things right, our son should be able to go over to his friends houses and they should be able to come here.

I will be inviting him and mum over tomorrow after school, or do you think that is going to make matters worse?

I didn't realise a 1 year old needed a stay at home mum and dad. I take it you both scrounge off the state. Have you ever worked?

Yes, he does need to stay at home with mum and dad. Neither of us have ever claimed financial assistance from the government, even though I’m entitled to something for our three children, I just wouldn’t lower myself.

Yes I am happy to discuss my marriage, this is a safe place.. well I thought it was.

They have a child at private school, I don’t think they are living off benefits!

It’s a safe place - but you do need to engage and listen. People can see what you can’t - that your husband’s behaviour is not good, for you or your children. Trying to help you, though, requires you to listen, not be defensive, and explain things that needs clarifying.

Can't find anything saying children are in private school, just one in nursery.

Lower yourself?!?!

Yes this struck a cord with me too....

@Rainbows41 in OP’s other thread she talks about 9yo going to private school

Why would you think it was lowering yourself to get your child allowance (or what ever it is called nowadays)

You don’t seem to realise the long term connotations of this.

Getting child allowance means your “stamp” /NI is paid and that means your state pension will be paid in full.

Even the richest people I know (Those with 10’s of millions) claim child allowance and the spouse/partner pays the tax on it. To not do this is just financially incomprehensible.

I think if you told anyone about this at your DS’s private school you will get people agreeing with you to your face but thinking WTF
Or other mother actually saying WTF to your face
Growing up the only people I knew who had parents like you were people who had income from dodgy deals. They wouldn’t claim benefits just incase authorities looked too close at how they survived.

This whole thread is batshit!

If this thread is real I doubt it, those poor kids are going to be fucked up for life.

God the more you post OP the more it sounds like my childhood, there were 3 of us too. Mum didn’t work (wasn’t allowed) dad took ‘early retirement’ for some illness or something. He was 19 years older than mum. He was so very very controlling, mum wasn’t allowed to go food shopping without him. Not allowed her own bank account. He never wanted kids but wouldn’t let her go to the gp for contraception etc. we never had anyone to the house, and she couldn’t go to anyone else’s homes without him. she stayed with him for years ‘for the family’ but once we were all grown he left, just absconded one day.

It’s been 10 years now, she’s never been happier - but as a result has had to start with new friends all over again. And has no real relationship with her 3 children.

you need to put them first too.

Oh ok, thank you

This thread can’t be real. You can’t be that daft to realise that ‘lower myself’ would be taken wrong.

That would also explain why you’ve ignored everyone telling you that your kids are being emotionally abused.

You do realise that being a Stay-at-home parent is not the same as staying at home with your parents, right?
The PP asked why does a 1yr old need two stay-at-home parents (as neither of you work) ..... not the question you answered!
I'm intrigued about where all this money comes from 🤔

As for "lowering" yourself to claim CB.... Batshit is as batshit does it seems 😵‍💫

You need to get your son away from him. Poor child literally lying so as not to rock the boat. Your dh is a cunt.

Wouldn't lower yourself!!?? What te actual fuck is that supposed to mean? So people who are on working tax credits and claim family allowance (99% of parents claim family allowance) you see these as 'low' forms of society?
I think you and your mentally deranged husband deserve each other, its your poor kids I feel.sorry for

My 9 year old refused to come in the house this afternoon from school, I don’t know whether he was in the “misbehave for mummy” mood today, but it’s strange how he has gone from not wanting to be outside to refusing to come in the house, this is stemmed from him asking if we could go to Hyde Park after school, I explained to him it’s a school night and we need to get home.

It took for me to ask a stranger who was walking pass to tell my son to come in the house.

I am very stressed out!!

You need to get rid of your husband and get some therapy for your son. Sooner rather than later.
The strange environment you are subjecting him to is causing this behaviour.

Your sons anxiety stems from his dads “parenting”. Dad sounds very controlling, angry and mardy. Get rid, the atmosphere in the house will be lovely and peaceful when hes fucked off

It took for me to ask a stranger who was walking pass to tell my son to come in the house.

Please, please don't do this. It is totally unfair on your son and the stranger. It is not a normal thing to do, at all.

Your whole family needs some help- counselling, parenting courses, anything you can do. But I sense this is going to fall on deaf ears.

And get your child an ASD assessment.

your poor son is clearly terrified of your husband. this is not healthy for him :( i feel so bad for all your kids

If you have as much money as you say you do. Get your children some therapy and probably some for you and your husband.

Your dynamics and situation sounds toxic and unhealthy.

Why do you keep relying on other people to do your parenting for you? Seriously, your children need to listen to you because you’re their mother, not because Dad or Grandma or some random on the street tells them to.

Even more importantly, your eldest child is communicating with you through his behaviour. He’s crying out in the only way he can, and he needs you to access help for him. Counselling for you would not go amiss either.

So the OP’s latest has confirmed to me that she and her husband are wealthy expats living off trust funds or similar.