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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at what DH wrote in my birthday card?

171 replies

PrincessOfPreschool · 16/06/2025 18:29

"I'm very fond of you." 22 years married! No 'I love you'.

As this is AIBU, I fully expect half of you to say I should be grateful to have a DH who even gives me a birthday card and who is fond of me. Whilst the other half will say he's checked out of the marriage and I should LTB.

But honestly, how would you feel?

OP posts:
Ilovepastafortea · 16/06/2025 20:39

Eyesopenwideawake · 16/06/2025 18:42

This reminds of the card Alan Sugar once sent his wife for her birthday "Best wishes, Alan". She very nearly divorced him!

So want the laughing emoji back for this one. 😂😂

Walker1178 · 16/06/2025 20:40

Er yeah, I’m not sure how I’d take that OP. Did he think it was a nice thing to say?

Just in case it helps for comparison - I’m very fond of strawberries. Most of the time I’d put DP above them

hedgingmybets25 · 16/06/2025 20:42

There’s that film isn’t there with Helen Mirren on Netflix/prime at the moment where “I’m terribly fond of you” is kind of a “thing”. My parents say it to each other for a laugh

IButtleSir · 16/06/2025 20:42

MauveLeader · 16/06/2025 18:36

I think that is dreadful. It’s possibly Maya Angelou who writes a poem about being told someone was fond of her. She comments that is something you would say to a dog. I’ll look for it.

It was Alice Walker.

feelingbleh · 16/06/2025 20:44

🤣🤣 this cracked me up does he also shake your hand when you come home. I honestly wouldn't take it seriously its either a joke or he's just being a man and not thinking.

beetr00 · 16/06/2025 20:45

@PrincessOfPreschool

"I think it was a bit of a subconscious, don't-feel-close to you, just-writing-how-I-feel rather than deliberately designed to hurt"

Are you projecting, a little?

How do you feel about your husband?

faintingfancy · 16/06/2025 20:57

I would laugh, personally!

TwigletsAndRadishes · 16/06/2025 21:03

It's a very odd, old fashioned and rather formal thing for a husband to say to his wife. If you've only been married 22 years then I'm guessing you are not exactly geriatric? It's more what I'd expect an elderly uncle to say to his niece, or what an elderly person might say to their carer, with a tenner in a card at Christmas.

Hedjwitch · 16/06/2025 21:05

Our cards just say " love,[name].
After 40 years together,there isn't much else to say.

ChampagneLassie · 16/06/2025 21:06

Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 16/06/2025 18:42

Fond”

You said you were fond of me.
Like I was a footstool.
Or a well-behaved spaniel
that doesn’t jump on guests.

Fond.
Not passionate.
Not taken, nor smitten,
not even mildly captivated.
Just —
fond.

Like I’m a flavour you don’t mind,
a song you hum but never learn the words to,
a cushion that’s always there,
but never quite your favourite.

You said it like a kindness
but it landed like a shrug.
Like you were offering a biscuit
to a dog who’d begged too long.

I wanted wild.
I wanted trembling hands
and a voice that caught on my name.
I wanted
you.

But you said you were fond of me.
Like you’d say to a garden gnome
you never asked for,
but now can’t be bothered to move.

Love this. Poetry is amazing isn’t it? @PrincessOfPreschool the poem
really pricked me just chat to your DH ❤️

Bepo77 · 16/06/2025 21:06

This is exactly what I'd write in my DHs card as a joke!

Papyrophile · 16/06/2025 21:07

Actually, I'd just think he was male.

Original poster
PrincessOfPreschool · 16/06/2025 21:10

beetr00 · 16/06/2025 20:45

@PrincessOfPreschool

"I think it was a bit of a subconscious, don't-feel-close to you, just-writing-how-I-feel rather than deliberately designed to hurt"

Are you projecting, a little?

How do you feel about your husband?

I think I'm probably more fond of the dog (especially right now).

OP posts:
Papyrophile · 16/06/2025 21:14

DH is solidly sound and a good egg, but he's a bit dyslexic too. I tend to wait to respond for a few minutes longer because the response is usually spot on when it arrives...

Original poster
PrincessOfPreschool · 16/06/2025 21:14

Alice Walker's poem (for those enjoying the poetry):

I’m Really Very Fond

I’m really very fond of you,
he said.

I don’t like fond.
It sounds like something
you would tell a dog.

Give me love,
or nothing.

Throw your fond in a pond,
I said.

But what I felt for him
was also warm, frisky,
moist-mouthed,
eager,
and could swim away

if forced to do so.

— Alice Walker

OP posts:
ThisChic · 16/06/2025 21:17

Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 16/06/2025 18:42

Fond”

You said you were fond of me.
Like I was a footstool.
Or a well-behaved spaniel
that doesn’t jump on guests.

Fond.
Not passionate.
Not taken, nor smitten,
not even mildly captivated.
Just —
fond.

Like I’m a flavour you don’t mind,
a song you hum but never learn the words to,
a cushion that’s always there,
but never quite your favourite.

You said it like a kindness
but it landed like a shrug.
Like you were offering a biscuit
to a dog who’d begged too long.

I wanted wild.
I wanted trembling hands
and a voice that caught on my name.
I wanted
you.

But you said you were fond of me.
Like you’d say to a garden gnome
you never asked for,
but now can’t be bothered to move.

😂

ThisChic · 16/06/2025 21:20

feelingbleh · 16/06/2025 20:44

🤣🤣 this cracked me up does he also shake your hand when you come home. I honestly wouldn't take it seriously its either a joke or he's just being a man and not thinking.

This

beetr00 · 16/06/2025 21:22

PrincessOfPreschool · 16/06/2025 21:10

I think I'm probably more fond of the dog (especially right now).

Show quote history

🤣

Gonners · 16/06/2025 21:27

MoistVonL · 16/06/2025 19:35

I’d assume he was kidding - I got mine an anniversary card that said Not Bad For An Old Fella. I also like the Tim Minchin song that says “You’re not special. Well, you’re special but you fall within a bell curve…”

But if you don’t think that’s the sort of thing he’d say in jest, you probably need a chat.

That Tim Minchin song is wonderful and so true. But then his wife has a sense of humour.

Longsleepneeded · 16/06/2025 21:33

Was it a joke? It's the sort of thing my DH would write, we do have a jokey relationship though. He hardly ever says he loves me! I know he does though.

EdithBond · 16/06/2025 21:35

ChampagneLassie · 16/06/2025 21:06

Love this. Poetry is amazing isn’t it? @PrincessOfPreschool the poem
really pricked me just chat to your DH ❤️

Show quote history

100%. @Oddsocksanduglyshoes this poem nails it.

You said it like a kindness
but it landed like a shrug.

I wanted wild.
I wanted trembling hands
and a voice that caught on my name.

@PrincessOfPreschool Think he needs to find ways to reignite the wild.

Fond wouldn’t cut it for me.

TheMeasure · 16/06/2025 21:37

Wow!!
Not surprised you feel hurt. He's going to have to work hard to row back from this one, I think.

Sheldonsheher · 16/06/2025 21:38

Better than what my ex used to write . Although he is a ex. Used to write a shitty message criticising and offering guidance on how I should be nicer to him. Used to put any card straight in the bin in front of them without even finishing reading it.

Hippobot · 16/06/2025 21:48

Sorry to say it sounds like he doesn't like you anymore.

GoBazGo · 16/06/2025 21:51

AmyDudley · 16/06/2025 19:01

My XH used to write 'To Amy, cheers, Brian' in my birthday cards. He was an awful knobber in so many ways.

This made me snort with laughter! (I’m sorry not very supportive of me. It’s also great to see that particular descriptor, it’s one of my favourites).