To be upset at what DH wrote in my birthday card?

[PrincessOfPreschool]

"I'm very fond of you." 22 years married! No 'I love you'.

As this is AIBU, I fully expect half of you to say I should be grateful to have a DH who even gives me a birthday card and who is fond of me. Whilst the other half will say he's checked out of the marriage and I should LTB.

But honestly, how would you feel?

That would make me chuckle, sometimes when my husband says I love you I say I think you're OK. It's just silliness and we all need a bit of that.

Was it absent minded?

I once accidentally wrote on one of my daughter's Christmas present tags "Yours sincerely, EA Smith". She laughed.

[Name anonymised!]

My husband wrote in my birthday card 'keep up the good work' 😂

Oh dear. That's akin to being told "you look nice". I'm fond of my old neighbour. I'm fond of the pub on our village.

I can't imagine my husband writing "I'm fond of you" without it being a joke.

I actually think it’s quite nice. I think writing “I love you” in a card to your wife is just a generic automatic thing and can be done without thought. He has thought about you and decided to tell you he is very fond of you - it’s nice. I think that he loves you is implied and can be taken for granted. He’s saying that he likes you as well, which personally I think is even nicer.

I know nobody agrees with me though!

My DP is German. They have 2 expressions for love. There is the basic Ich liebe dich - I love you. There is also Hab dich lieb - I have love for you. He uses hab dich lieb with his DC and I find it lovely that he uses that with me too, even though some Germans say it’s not the same. If I’m on the same level of love as the DC then that is cool for me.

My XH used to write 'To Amy, cheers, Brian' in my birthday cards. He was an awful knobber in so many ways.

Ooofe. I agree. Not putting the L word would bug me half to death and I'm far from fussy.

I'd be really pissed off too, I've been with DH 23 years & married 19 years at the end of this month.

I'd be asking why he wrote it & if he has any understanding of the impact it has. My DH is regularly thoughtless, but I'd be staggered if he did something like this (instead of going to the pub for 3 hours rather than 1, which he has form for & I know won't change as he's always done that)

Well in older times amongst perhaps middle to upper classes when stiff upper-lipped people did not tend to gush with emotion being “fond of” someone was a term for love. Obviously perhaps not now, but still.

My DSIs once stop speaking to me about a card. I was JOKING!

If he’s not joking, is he just very uptight?

Lol OP I love your answer to your question in your post re MN replies!

I agree with a PP that your DH was probably joking ironically after 22 years together (unless there are other reasons for you to feel something is off).

But it would probably annoy me too though.

I'd think the sex/ physical attraction side of the relationship had died if my own DH was saying this. No I wouldn't be happy. It sounds like something old fuddy duddies write to each other.

In my marriage this would be fine, it's obviously not in yours.

Fond? A loving understatement. Just have a laugh with him about it.

I’d laugh as I assume it’s a joke.

But then I have a husband that is rather effusive in his loving declarations.

I was coming on to say this! I thought it actually said "best wishes, Alan Sugar" which is even funnier (although I could be wrong).

DH and I often write this in cards.

My dad used to say this about my mum. He also treats her like a piece of shit he only keeps around because she is practically his unpaid PA. I hope this is not the case with your dh.

Wow can’t believe people are minimising this and saying it’s funny, it’s not funny. It’s shit.
it’s a massive red flag 🚩 and I’d be really questioning my relationship if my husband did this especially if it’s out of character.

don’t feel like you’re over reacting because of the low expectation responses

I would have thought it was a joke, and laughed. It reminds me of King of the Hill, when Hank proposed and told Peggy he was "not unfond" of her.

What type of message has he written in the past?

I don’t know your DH but if mine had written that I would be seriously worried because it’s not his style at all.

Hes either telling you he doesn't love you any more or he's trying to be amusing

I’d find the word ‘fond’ after 22 years of marriage insulting.

I always say my DH is lucky to have me in his. I’m not joking either.

I think that it probably was intended in.a light hearted way. I have said in response to family members saying they love me - that's good because I am rather fond of you. I think that the love is implied.

My aunt had a difficult upbringing, no affection shown by her mum and a dad who she only ever saw 4 times . When she married my uncle who adored her and told her he loved her every day, she just couldn’t say the words , she would tell him she was very fond of him or partial to him. He accepted her for how she was but the thing was, when they got a dog, she found she could tell the dog she loved him. Luckily my uncle wasn’t the jealous type.