Financial issues with partner

[Littleredpanda23]

My partner is self employed and earns around £50,000 - 60,000 a year, I work part time and earn about £12,000 a year. We're NOT married and we have kids, one has special needs (hence why realistically i can only work part time unfortunately).
As my partner is self employed the only benefits I receive are child benefit and child disability (so about £300 a month or so), apparently his accountant says it would mess up his taxes or something if I applied for any other benefits I'm entitled to....so in total I have about £1300 a month income.
I bought the house (myself) many years ago so we have no mortgage. We half all the bills. I pay for all the extras (that he never even thinks about) such as kids clothes, classes, stuff for pets, vet bils, home insurance, food, etc. I also do ALL of the housework, child care and general house management/arranging everything stuff....and I am absolutely suffering financially right now! I am currently £700 in overdraft (like every month) and still have an electricity bill due this month and the kids schol uniforms for next year have to be ordered into the school by mid July. I never buy anything for myself, no new clothes in years, I can never afford to meet friends for meals, etc. My full wage goes on bills and kid related things. I'm actually falling into I'll health due to the constant 24/7 worry about money and was actually recently in hospital with heart issues/high blood pressure. When i ask him to take over some of my bills for that month or pay for some of the kids things, he (usually) does it but has a go at me and he says I need to take more hours at work or get a second job. Am I wrong for asking him to take on more financially? Even if he'd take all the bills then I'd still be happy to cover the kids stuff and that. Am I in the wrong?

He’s a cunt. Would you see him go into overdraft each month while you earned several times what he does?

This is why you should marry before you have dc.

i have no idea why his accountant is saying that you applying for benefits would need up his taxes? You are separate people and pay taxes separately. You apply for everything that you are entitled to. But of course HE should be paying for his own kids.

you might be better off without him. He’s a disgusting freeloading selfish dick.

He should be paying much more than you towards all bills and kids’ stuff. They are half his.

i guess he’s putting money in his pension while you’re not?

Men like this make me so fucking angry. You’re taking all the hit for having kids while he just benefits all the way. I wish in this country that the state could make feckless shit dads pay for their own kids rather than the taxpayer having to.

There is the bigger picture here. He is a very selfish and I would say cruel man, to put you in this situation. That isn’t love. I would be very frank with him. You apply for what you are entitled to. Do you really want to be with a man with so little regard for his own family? It says a lot about his character.

Sounds like he has plenty of savings then to get his own place. Kick him out OP and claim the benefits and child support you're entitled to. He's financially abusive and a cocklodger to boot.

I'm sorry - am I reading this right? You are getting yourself into debt to provide for your home and children, yet your partner (their FATHER) is earning 5 x as much and is squirreling his money away into savings for himself?!?!

Putting aside the fact he is a complete selfish cunt (and I NEVER use that word!!!) how the actual fuck has this been going on for so long?!?!?!

We half all the bills. I pay for all the extras (that he never even thinks about) such as kids clothes, classes, stuff for pets, vet bills, home insurance, food, etc

Huh? How are vet bills and home insurance not classed as bills?! Or is that just what he has told you? He should be paying half towards ALL of that. And more.

On a separate note, you shouldn't - and most likely won't be able to - claim any benefits if your partner and the children's dad has (most likely) 10s of thousands of pounds stashed away!!!!

How is that fair on the tax payer?!?!

Just posted almost the same but @arethereanyleftatall said it better.

It is him who should be paying for his own children, not me via my taxes.
I would be happy to pay tax for you to get him to leave, but paying for his children so this utter cunt can save more, is repulsive.

The problem with him being a massive twat is that asking him to contribute anything now will feel oppressive and unfair to him even if it’s the bare minimum. He’s got away with paying fuck all so asking him to pay his fair share will be like pulling teeth, let alone expecting him to be a decent human and realising what life actually costs for himself. Your options are simple; 1) work out a fair amount for you both to be contributing so you’re both left with an equal amount to save/spend and both contributing to family pot and present him with this stating that moving forward he needs to be putting x amount into a joint account or b) leave him if he won’t.

lots of talk of benefits on here - I’m not sure what you’re actually entitled to as they’ll consider both earnings as household income even if your partner doesn’t

Good grief, he is financially abusing you and his children!

Kick the parasite out and apply for benefits. You and your kids will be so much better off and he will have to adult and, you know, pay bills and rent.

OP, this is so sad to read. How did you get this far with such a drain on your finances, well being etc? Sounds like he treats you as a maid. Fuck him out the door and change the locks. What a sad waste of skin.

lots of talk of benefits on here - I’m not sure what you’re actually entitled to as they’ll consider both earnings as household income

This. The OP will not be entitled to benefits as her partner's income and considerable savings are taken into account. There is no point in applying while they are a couple.

However she might be entitled to UC is she separates - she should check with an online calculator to get an idea of how much she could get.

@Littleredpanda23bloody hell, food is not a "little extra" I haven't read all the replies but you need to include these "extras" as part of your "half and half" bills. If he refuses this absolutely counts as financial advice.

once his half of bills are paid, what is he paying for? Clearly not food, clothes for his children, pets or insurance. Then what?

Do not marry him. Keep your assets
You can separate and claim benefits whilst living under the same roof if that appeals
He's taking the absolute piss
Youd be better off apart, and not just financially

I