to wonder why parents don’t monitor children’s internet access?

[didistutter56]

Just that really; do you monitor what your children are doing online?

I have a 9YO DD who has a phone and an iPad, both with internet access. However both are checked every day which she knows and has no problem with, she cannot be contacted by people who aren’t in her contacts and if she wants to download an app, I have to approve it first. We also share the same YouTube account so I can see what sort of content she’s watching.

we’ve had some trouble recently with a girl in DDs class falling out with her (the only reason I can see for this is that the other girl calls DD sometimes up to 30 times a day, wanting to play/chat, and if DD doesn’t want to she’s called a fake friend, betrayer, backstabber, etc). I’m having to go into school today to let them know the other girl has been posting online about DD, making videos about her, and encouraging other girls in the class to fall out with her - this other girl in question has autism and it seems fairly obvious to me that she has free reign of the internet, because her parents haven’t picked up on anything she’s doing.

I mean what the other child is doing is bad, but why does your 9 year old have a phone?! And internet access?

Yay a parent that also trys to keep kids safe as possible. Our 4 all have restrictions even oldest at 15, they know me or dad will randomly several times a week pick up there phones and flick thru them, check history etc. Also internet time is classed as a treat so providing everyone behaves during the day there all allowed an hour in the evening to watch there shows,music videos or whatever. If for example the weather is bad and they can't get out all day that may be extended or if I wasn't well and able to entertain them. But ye it's not a problem for us same as tv it's not on all day for them to watch

I think letting a 9yo have a phone is wild. What on earth does she need a phone for?!

Why did I know the first comment would be like this 😂 she has a phone because I coparent with her dad, and stays with other family and wants to be able to contact me. I see absolutely nothing wrong with a child having internet access as long as it’s monitored - she downloads books, does educational things online (even her homework needs internet access), it’s not like she even has social media.

Well you're getting the repercussions of the phone and Internet access now, because she being bullied online, and you're expecting the school to pick up the pieces.

My dd is 10 and has a phone for when she's at her dad's, but it's a phone with no Internet access, she can only call and text, no need for a smart phone at that age.

A 9 yo is young with a phone.

I never assume parent watch their childrens online life. Many children are feral these day. We can only sort our own.

I have phone and internet access, does that mean I also deserve to be bullied online? Who’s to say that wouldn’t be happening even if DD didn’t - the girl in question is falling out with her because she doesn’t answer the phone.

Im not expecting school to “pick up the pieces” at all - it’s been going on for weeks now, all I am expecting and would like them to do is make the other parents aware of the situation and encourage them to be a bit more mindful about their child’s access to the internet.

Its all relative

You could judge people who don't monitor at all. I could judge the fact that your 9 year old a) has a phone b) has an ipad c) knows what youtube is and goes on it.

Mine kid is 8.5 and doesn't.

Another parent could judge that mine has a nintendo switch.

YANBU in principle though. I'm stunned by the amount of screen time a lot of junior school kids get and what they are aware of. Kids of 8 &9 obsessed with you tube and tiktok, who know brands like white fox and want skincare for christmas. I'm always delighted by how "babyish" my kids are by comparison. Long may it last.

We know several who are allowed on tablets etc for 1-2 hours every single school night and quite a lot more on weekends.

We have pretty much no screens at all mon to fri.

A much easier fix would be to remove access to the social messaging apps and the (social media?) platforms where the girl is making videos about your daughter.

She doesn't deserve to be bullied online ffs.

It's going to happen when kids who are too young have access to things that they are too immature for.

In all honesty you're not keeping that much if an eye if you notice 30 missed calls after the fact.

Your 9yo is way too young to have a phone with internet access. If you need to contact her when she’s with family, a dumb phone will do.

Op you need to give your child a dumb phone only and block numbers apart from family on it. There's absolutely NO reason for a 9 year old to have their own smartphone and ipad!

I think 9 is much too young for a smartphone. Have you installed a blocker for adult sites at the very least? My parents split when I was young and I had a Nokia that they could text or call me on when I was visiting the other. She can download books and things on a family computer/laptop. A smartphone is just an unnecessary risk at that age imo.

This. She is clearly at risk and you need to stop this now.

Because it is actually quite hard. I'm not making excuses, but being realistic. If you have given your child Internet access, the only way to monitor it really well is to sit with them whilst they use it on a shared device, which is time consuming.

Things like checking once a night don't bring up everything they have seen.

Pre approved apps can be misused.

Schools are spending many hours and too much teacher time sorting all this stuff out. Some of it is alarming. I agree with pp - no 9 yr old should have a smartphone and an iPad.

Sometimes because the parents are old and dont know about the dangers out there online. Say what you want about having a child at 16 but at least I'm in touch with current affairs

None of mine have unlimited access to Internet or phones. If they want to do say homework or watch a video to help them with a game perhaps they ask and it's supervised. I'm not on their shoulder 😂 but I do have software on most devices that will flag up anything appropriate. This is something they know and agree to. As with any messaging with friends. I find it's much easier now when young to start off with limited access than trying to impose them when they are older.

My eldest is 10. I know secondary school is going to change the pressure to have a phone but I'm hoping we can navigate it together with the right balance.

I don't think it's to do with the age of the parents, more their awareness. I think some people are just a bit oblivious of just how toxic it gets for young people.
I've had parents - decent people - sit crying in my office at what their children have been up to online. Those are teenagers, never mind 9 year olds who are even more vulnerable.

You think you're monitoring their access, you're probably only scraping the surface, if that.

You'll soon find it's actually impossible to know what they're doing online/messaging etc.

I would rethink a phone at 9, I really would. If I could bin my 12 and 13 year old phones I would but unfortunately by secondary you don't really have a choice. You do at the moment.

To be 49 is to be born in 1976 and growing up in the 80s with no internet, to be 25 is being born in 2000 and growing up with internet and iPhones etc. I think it does play a part. I don't understand why people even buy toddlers iPads

Everyone whose nine year old has a phone has a reason like you do.

It’s easy to check the phone of a nine year old because they are still compliant. My dd got a dolls house for her ninth birthday.

She didn’t get a phone until she was twelve. So I still had that bargaining tool until she was in her mid teens but your dd is going to be so used to having a phone by then that she may not be so good at letting you look at it.

I think the responses are a bit harsh but the fact is that allowing your child to have a phone at 9 doesn't just involve monitoring their internet access but knowing that you can't monitor their friends. And regardless of how good you are and how sensible your child is. There will be people in her class who are not. They may even have older siblings or people in their house that use the same devices. Nothing apart from a dumb phone is safe at this age.

Sometimes i wonder if i live in a different world to half the people on here, because practically all of DDs friends have smartphones, and half of them have things like TikTok and Snapchat - I know because they send DD messages of videos they’ve posted, which obviously she cant access because she doesn’t have those apps.

DD has seen the content the other girl has made and thankfully isn’t phased by it at all, she thinks it’s a pathetic waste of their time.

How do you know what she’s accessing via incognito browser??