to wonder why parents don’t monitor children’s internet access?

[didistutter56]

Just that really; do you monitor what your children are doing online?

I have a 9YO DD who has a phone and an iPad, both with internet access. However both are checked every day which she knows and has no problem with, she cannot be contacted by people who aren’t in her contacts and if she wants to download an app, I have to approve it first. We also share the same YouTube account so I can see what sort of content she’s watching.

we’ve had some trouble recently with a girl in DDs class falling out with her (the only reason I can see for this is that the other girl calls DD sometimes up to 30 times a day, wanting to play/chat, and if DD doesn’t want to she’s called a fake friend, betrayer, backstabber, etc). I’m having to go into school today to let them know the other girl has been posting online about DD, making videos about her, and encouraging other girls in the class to fall out with her - this other girl in question has autism and it seems fairly obvious to me that she has free reign of the internet, because her parents haven’t picked up on anything she’s doing.

The issue is her daughter having an iPhone and an iPad aged 9. The other girl shouldn't have had that conduit to harrass her.

Confused how checking your child’s phone what she HAS been watching may be slightly too late?
I know you say in your post that she has restrictions etc… but checking what she has already watched, or who she has already spoken to is too late?
you can’t unwatch hardcore porn or something else awful? How do you explain that?
I have a 10 year old DD. She has an iPad with no internet access (totally restricted/can’t search anything). She has an iPod touch for music and can message (when connected to the internet) with 3 close friends. We know the families well. We see this as good practice to be able to message friends.
i very aware that this world means internet access and social media is coming… but not yet, and as soon as you let it in, you’re letting in the potential for lots of things out of your control to go wrong.

i don’t have the answer really, it scares me!

She's not keeping her kid safe, she allows her nine year old a phone, an iPad & Internet access.

I agree checking after she's seen something she shouldn't is too late. My son is 12 he has no social media, has safe filter on his Google search and no access to You Tube. Roblox has never been allowed, he cannot download any apps without out permission and his phone is checked everyday.

Good 👍

This ⬆️

If she didn't have a phone, the other girl wouldn't be ringing her...

Read Jonathan Haidt.

You're obviously not doing a good enough job if your 9yo is having problems online. Just take the phone away. A 9yo doesn't need a phone or unsupervised internet access at all. Far too young. What's the point on checking it if you're not going to do anything about what you find?

Agreed. Parents may think they are checking but children and teenagers will likely be tech savvy and one step ahead of parents. Of course that doesn’t mean stop checking altogether, but I wouldn’t necessarily feel comforted by not seeing anything as their true online activity may be being concealed. Social media and the online world is pretty scary and I don’t know what the solution is

🙄🙄🙄

You’re getting abuse because you’re part of the problem.

Our Y7 has a dumb phone (Nokia) and won’t be getting a smart phone till at least 15. Yes, her friends all have smart phones.

I get your daughter needs a phone for coparenting communication, that doesn’t mean it had to be a smart phone, absolutely not at 9!

Our DD uses an old laptop for homework and can only use it when sat directly next to one of us.

Other children using social media is terrible, but by allowing your child to have a smart phone (at 9!) still makes you part of the social media problem for young children regardless of how nice you think she is.

You're right, they don't check, or it's just a quick review, or their child is well behaved, or "it's a learning curve". Parents like @Yorkshiremum80 have got it right, that's the way to manage use and prevent serious problems.

Your DD has access to Roblox and you think that’s responsible and safe? I’m not talking about the chat access here, the games themselves are completely unsuitable and the age ratings have been continually useless allowing access to games like beating up pregnant women.

I’m pretty lax about this stuff but even to me a 9 year old having a phone is wild.

Yes I agree to a point, but what I'm trying to say is that if it's not smart phones/internet there will be something else that will take it's place.

When I use leaning curve, I'm using it as 'society as a whole' not just individuals.
Some children will always go down a rabbit hole, or end up in an awful situation no matter how hard parents try.
I'm just saying, don't shut something down because a tiny percentage of something is bad.
I previously brought up my 'What would grandma say?' I still use this, if I'm doing something and it doesn't feel right or I'm somewhere where it could go west, what would my late grandma say.....
If we are brought up to be free thinking, open minded, open to change, open to debate and consequences, then unfortunately bad things will happen to good people. I say this as someone who has life long mental health issues, constantly on tablets for it, but ultimately I am my own person, I made mistakes when I was a child and I probably make more as an adult.

All we can do in put a framework in place, make education open to some of the pitfalls (I know, funding, but...) and engage all of society on this.
Slowly we are forgetting that life is full of pitfalls and problems, we can either engage these and attempt to make it safer, or as an awful lot of people seem to do, which is to blame x for all the problems in the world.

I hear what you're saying, @Lonelydave and you make good points.
However. Young people are being drawn into participation on sites which will have a long term impact and destroy families.

Fine words but phones are different to anything we’ve faced before. Read or listen to Jonathan haight. Anyone that gives their child
a phone before secondary is a shit parent whatever they may tell themselves.

I completely agree @KateDelRick , which is why, I think, the best option is to develop a framework which educates people about the dangers, but also highlight the positives.

Not like this at all in DDs School or the primary school I work in, thank god! DD has a dumb phone for when she's away from me with family etc and works fine, definitely doesn't need a smart phone for that. So glad we haven't done it yet from what you're describing. She isn't left out at all and we have had none of these dramas.
She watches YouTube on the family TV, but only on weekends
She's also 9 and in year 5.

Oh behave!!!

I'll play devils advocate, but this over arching concern for the few which something harms, is a bit tiresome. The media and social media will only go ott on the 'bad' story, the one where a teenager managed to order something they shouldn't have over the internet and then ended up in hospital - arrgh horror of horrors! A teenager did something bad and something bad happened to them.
This has happened for millennium, and will continue to do so.

I agree with this. Having "street smarts" in the digital world is just as important for Gen Alpha as knowing how not to get robbed or worse in the real world. Being able to spot red flags or keep yourself safe online is a skill that can only be developed with sufficient pattern recognition. Keeping a child/teen entirely away from the internet is just as harmful as allowing unfiltered access. At some point in their adult lives, they will have to use internet. Having no experience or being told from an early age that the internet is a terrible and dangerous place can have a significant impact on their employability.

There is a local FB women's group with over 10K members and the number of women who fall for phishing or AI scams is staggering. Some post screenshots of messages or emails they received asking if it's a scam and it's mind boggling that they would even believe it's real. That's what happens if women are sheltered from the digital world or led to believe that the only danger online is grooming and once you're an adult, you are invincible to the risks.

Echoing a couple of previous posters.. read The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haight (sp?). I think it should be required reading for all parents, especially new parents who can make decisions in a more enlightened way.

You are part of the problem @didistutter56 by giving a phone to a 9 year old. Just totally wrong.

No smart phones before 16 is a thing where I live, more and more parents are doing it and someone in your peer group has to go first. Instead of being a sheep.

Safe use of the internet can still be learnt but not via phone.

@User2454664 being street smart on the internet at 15 can be achieved without exposing young children, toddlers and babies to the brain destroying effects of screen usage. It’s not just social media, but screen use which is doing the damage. Please read The Anxious Generation, it’s enlightening.