To wonder if quality home cooking for friends is a lost art?

[Jumpupjumphigh]

There have been a couple of threads recently about the decline in quality:price ratio when eating out in the UK. To which all I can say is: I thoroughly agree! For some time now I've largely given up on going to restaurants. The mid-priced ones are more and more tending towards microwaved crap that is far below what I can cook at home for a fraction of the price, and I can't afford the posh ones.

But here's the thing: When I first progressed from studenthood to "proper" adulthood, myself and my friends had proper jobs etc, it was common for people to invite each other for dinner parties in their houses, make an effort and cook proper quality food. I still do that. I'm certainly no famous chef, but I research and practise styles of cookery that interest me and people are impressed when I cook for them. It costs some effort and money but it always makes the starting point for a great evening.

But although I have friends that like to meet up for other things, and do invite me to their houses, they almost never host dinner parties. Maybe an informal lunch where everybody brings something "pot luck" style at best. Is this because the art of proper cooking outside of a business relationship has largely died? Or is it just that particular kind of social event that is seen as old fashioned now? Or do I just not have the right friends?

Do other people still get invited to dinner parties?

I also think kids are different.
The idea my daughter could go out and leave her three kids with a 14 year old they barely know already in bed and clear that they must stay there and behave themselves while mummy and daddy go out and have some grown up time- like the kids I used to sit for in the late 80s/90s is laughable.

Are your friends of the age to have children? We only ever really see friends and family when we host them for a meal (or them us). I wouldn’t really call it a ‘dinner party’ as it’s more just like come over and have a meal because there are often multiple children invited as well. But yes, I’m routinely feeding people we host.

It’s not as relaxed as the days of old when we could actually sit and have 3 courses and it was nice and relaxed. Because children. Also it’s a bit trickier now because I’m just tired. People come for the night or the weekend if they come to ours, and the days of having the energy (in my 20s/30s) to devote my whole weekend to hosting and entertaining are a bit past me. I honestly don’t want to see anyone that badly really. 😂

But yes, we have people over for dinner a few times a year still now.

I remember lying wide awake in bed until my parents car rolled up the drive because I hated being left, hated the random babysitters. But I never said anything because you were just expected that was what happened!

Hate dinner parties. Much prefer casual such as bbq or mini buffet etc

Yes I think this has alot to do with it aswell!

Same - for me in the 70s. We had one who’s boyfriend came over once my parents had left and he used to come upstairs to use the loo and put his head in the room to checking we were quiet /asleep. Nothing untoward but it was very unnerving. I knew better than to say anything tho, as my parents placed a very high value in their own time with friends.
When I started babysitting at 14/15 never ever saw the kids as they would all be in bed settled and quiet. In contrast, a friend of mine who works in a nursery does babysitting on the side for the parents that use it. Makes sense for the parents as the kids know her /she is dbs checked etc.
She makes a small fortune on the weekends but man does she earn it - it’s a three act operation getting the kids to bed with lists of expectations and rigamorale, and they are up and down the stairs all nights

I remember my mother making a whizzy new dish in the late 60s. Chicken Kiev! It was extraordinary - and delicious.

However, if they had eight people round it meant 4 chickens because you couldn't buy just breasts! She deep fried them.

Also remember her chocolate bombes and baked Alaskas.

Op your medal is in the post.

Hobestly lots of people host people and cater for them with home cooked food all the time. They also eat home cooked food at home every night. What do you want? A certificate?

I used to love cooking for people and then I had kids, Covid happened and I got out of the habit. We are far more likely now to host a big gathering with multiple families, kids welcome, and cook a chilli, bbq, something informal. With life, work, kids, elderly parents I have zero time or inclination to put together anything more elaborate. Which is a shame as I used to love it. Kids are now growing up so maybe it is time to revisit the dinner party again!

This thread is really making me want to host a full-on 70s-80s style dinner party with those l fancy little piped potatoes snd everything (what were they called??)

Duchess potatoes? Mashed potato, mix in an egg and pipe. Finish in the oven.

The point is that I don’t care if it’s takeaway or supermarket pizza, but I’m fed up of never being invited to their houses. Would you really go to someone else’s house for a meal and never reciprocate?

Take the hint. They don't want to be invited. They say yes because they feel they have to.

It varies, I have friends who do full on dinner parties, plated up starters, beef wellington type home made mains, home made desserts and cheese courses. And wines chosen to go with it all. They have had catering training and experience.

they are understanding of the fact that we both work full time and are likely to reciprocate with a charcuterie board style starter, decent enough main and a, nice, shop bought dessert.

I’m a good organised cook and could do the full works but I don’t have a huge amount of time.

Yes.

If someone chooses to invite me over, that’s fine, but I’m not obliged to invite them in return.

It is a dying art, but with restaurant prices skyrocketing and the poor quality of food I hope it might turn around.

You do need to find new friends. It's not everyone's cup of tea.

Why would they feel they have to say yes @Beetletweetle ? To quote the usual line on here about weddings, it’s an invitation not a summons.

It’s a long time since I’ve considered 3 courses to be a thing - I’m not a restaurant! Usually I’d do drinks and crisps & olives, a carefully chosen main course that wouldn’t involve me doing anything more after the guest’s arrival than dishing up and an excellent & generous cheese board. If guest’s insist on bringing pudding we’ll have that too but if asked what should they bring the answer is always nothing. Less fuss rather than more. Casual and relaxed with lots of booze.😊 But I’d still rather pay to eat out at a good restaurant!

I used to host more when I was younger. The main things that keep me from hosting more:

Kids seem to have stuff on all the time, so I can't easily block off time.

I end up needing to do a big clean, and, as above, between house and my garden I never seem to get it all done (see kids above.)

It's actually quite expensive and my wage hasn't increased in a few years and looks like it won't for a while.

And finally, on the odd occasion I do host I make it more casual, because I can't easily accommodate people's diet fads in a more formal meal.

Because sometimes it can be difficult to say no, especially when someone asks you repeatedly and well in advance.

But surely it is still friendly and polite to offer some explanation to a friend as to why you don’t reciprocate?

E.g. I have friends who have extra bedrooms to put me up over night, I have explained that I’d love to offer the same but physically can’t, but they are still all very welcome for lunch & dinner, to spend the day here. Or I will drive and meet them halfway at a pub restaurant/farm/trampoline park/wherever, I never just assume I should keep being hosted at theirs only, it feels one-sided and unfair.

Similarly, I have a little boy who is friends with my son over to play and for dinner after school. I get on really well with his Mum, she doesn’t host play dates for anyone and has explained to me she is worried that her dogs would keep barking at my child. She also offers to do the school run for me if my other child is ill or I am ill. This felt far less rude and less like she just can’t be bothered than if she just kept accepting our play date invitations but saying or doing nothing nice in return, when everyone else reciprocates.

Depends on life stage maybe? My friends did this a lot for each other in our 20s when it was a novelty to have our own place and we had plenty of time to cook, and enjoy a glass of wine while prepping everything. Now in my late 30s, everyone has young kids so no time to prep, limited money and people can’t get childcare easily, so you have to host their kids as well and can’t do anything too fancy.

tye only thing people tend to host now is BBQs in summer or in winter they host pizza/salad parties. Relaxed, limited prep needed and kids can easily be included. I’d imagine by the time we’re in our 50s we’ll have lost some confidence in doing fancy meals but hopefully they’ll be a bit of a fun novelty again!

Who said I do?

Yes, because I don't see friendship as transactional.

I am a bit of an outlier on MN, in that I never kept track of how many times one of my dcs' friends came round to play, or how often one of ds's teen mates ate with us after school, or how many lifts I give to people. If I can, I help people - it's not reciprocal.

I have a friend who I have known for decades - we shared a house for two years when we were young. She loves cooking and I don't. Sometimes she has us over for a meal. I don't enjoy cooking, or sorting the house to a standard where our dining room could be used for an elegant meal, so I don't host that sort of event. OTOH, over the years, I've booked parties for big birthdays and anniversaries, and they have always ben invited, even though they have never invited me to such an event.

So yes, I absolutely accept invitations to things I think I would enjoy.

I never said you did, I was just giving an example of why it can be hard to say no.