To wonder if quality home cooking for friends is a lost art?

[Jumpupjumphigh]

There have been a couple of threads recently about the decline in quality:price ratio when eating out in the UK. To which all I can say is: I thoroughly agree! For some time now I've largely given up on going to restaurants. The mid-priced ones are more and more tending towards microwaved crap that is far below what I can cook at home for a fraction of the price, and I can't afford the posh ones.

But here's the thing: When I first progressed from studenthood to "proper" adulthood, myself and my friends had proper jobs etc, it was common for people to invite each other for dinner parties in their houses, make an effort and cook proper quality food. I still do that. I'm certainly no famous chef, but I research and practise styles of cookery that interest me and people are impressed when I cook for them. It costs some effort and money but it always makes the starting point for a great evening.

But although I have friends that like to meet up for other things, and do invite me to their houses, they almost never host dinner parties. Maybe an informal lunch where everybody brings something "pot luck" style at best. Is this because the art of proper cooking outside of a business relationship has largely died? Or is it just that particular kind of social event that is seen as old fashioned now? Or do I just not have the right friends?

Do other people still get invited to dinner parties?

Yes please! Sounds like my 1970s dinner parties. Rarely do anything like that now, as you say, it seems to have fallen out of fashion. Also, as we've got older, a three-course meal is just too much food, I can't manage more than two at most.

It's so expensive these days. I have health issues so physically find it difficult / impossible to do.

And those of you saying 'three course', I used to do five as standard.

Now the only person I cook for is my dad when he visits, I do three courses for him because he wouldn't manage 5 and he claims he is 'spoiled' when he visits.

I agree, OP. I don't know how people afford to regularly eat out and have takeaways.

I love having people over for meals - and I'm a good basic cook who takes care over ingredients, but not a Cordon Bleu standard. I'm not Hyacinth Bucket either - it's very informal - we don't have posh china crockery. A delicious home-made lasagne, cottage pie (you might laugh but in my experience people love this in winter), fish pie or Boeuf Bourgignon with potato gratin goes down brilliantly. Yes, the downside is tidying the house, but it's good for me - it spurs me to do a bit more than the usual cursory run over with the vac.

I rarely eat out now, and usually it's someone else's idea. More than half the time I'm disappointed or even resentful about the quality of the food and it's just SO expensive! Plus - I find formality of any kind challenging and I hate the fussing you get in restaurants.

Age and Stage perhaps?

Easier to spend the day cooking when you don't have kids to entertain.

We do still cook for friends jbut it's a bigger juggle than pot luck x

I’m also 62 and we used to do this a lot in the 80s and 90s but we stopped, no idea why as I used to enjoy it.

I love to entertain, but I am getting fed up with endless catering to dietary restrictions. If I am doing a fancy meal then it's nice to do meat or fish; lots of versions of those are special occasion type food. But so often there are one or two people who end up dictating things.

I like cooking and eating veggie food, I just get bored of being restricted to it so often.

But I still do it. It's noticeable that it's the older friends who do a 'proper' meal. The entertaing style is definitely more casual these days. But I do eat plenty of nice meals in other people's houses!

I think the dinner party just evolves. I suspect there were lots of casual dos in the past too, they just aren't as interesting to write about as full Steak Diane affairs.

Nobody even comes over never mind for food post covid.

In my broader circle, we absolutely used to do dinner parties LOADS in our 20s. But as children came along, it got more complicated - babysitters, bed time routines, general exhaustion etc.

As the kids have got older, we've got back into entertaining more often but it does tend to be more informal - Friends (and their kids) come over for supper on a Friday night or a BBQ/Sunday lunch.

I love cooking so even for these more informal events I put effort in to make interesting meals, but the thought of a formal dinner party now leaves me largely cold. The sheer effort of making space, seting tables, navigating around the children etc... it's too much. I don't have time to spend all day pottering in the ktichen preparing for a dinner party, which I would have done in the past. Also, if th echildren are coming along as well, that limits how many people we can host at a time.

Finally, there IS a cost implication. The reality is that a full three course meal for 6 -12 adults (plus, possibly, food for children) is expensive these days. It's hard to justify that.

My parents used to do this. I didn’t get the impression that my mum enjoyed it much though. All the work used to fall to her and she’d typically spend the day beforehand moaning and swearing about what a tip the house was, how she wished whoever it was wasn’t coming, etc.

I’m afraid I’m not dissimilar and so just don’t invite people as it doesn’t feel like it’s expected anymore. I feel like my cooking isn’t really up to scratch (probably true) and know I’d find the whole thing really stressful.

Oh yes, I'm terribly lazy about bothering to dress up! When I'm hosting I'm always too busy cooking to get all fancy. And other people don't seem that bothered either.

We like hosting but have had enough of friends who don’t reciprocate. Now we just invite the 2 couples who do.

1 couple is coming over next week. I’m enjoying planning what to cook.

I think the point is, you like hosting, and you are "enjoying planning what to cook". Lots of people don't.
If you want to do that, because that is something you enjoy doing, then do so, but you can't expect other people to want to do all that work, just because you like doing it.

Are people with young DC (ie not old enough to be left alone without a babysitter) hosting or attending dinner parties?

I think that’s what killed it off for us - all the people I might invite for dinner had children, as did we, snd it became easier to socialise in different ways (invite the whole family over during the day, or DH or I to go out solo with our own friends.

The idea of paying a babysitter £££ to pop round to someone else’s house for the evening has never seemed like a good investment I guess!

How is everyone else managing it or are you simply not doing it when you have children aged 0-14?

Our children stay overnight at my Mum’s, or she babysits here.

We have found though that now they are 6 and 3 we can get away with hosting once they are in bed, either at ours or a friend’s if we all stay. So we hosted a dinner, drinks and board games gathering recently whilst ours were asleep upstairs. They also slept through a dinner, drinks and karaoke party at a friend’s.

Depends on availability of family babysitters/how well children sleep/age of children.

We definitely do it less often, and do more of the getting together over lunch type stuff, but it has been fun to get back to some evening bits too.

Family on hand would certainly help - our last night out cost over £100 for the babysitter and honestly I don’t think any friend’s cooking is worth that investment!

Phew yes that’s hugely expensive! 🙀 Yes agree- if I had to pay that I’d prioritise date nights just with my DH/someone’s wedding etc. That makes total sense.

I know one couple who swapped with another couple they knew well for free babysitting, but it does all get more unreliable when the babysitters also have children…as we all know they can go down with illness last min on the day 🙈

I used to love hosting dinner parties for friends but I honestly can’t afford to do it anymore

Children come too. Obviously we finish earlier than we would without them, but you can still have a nice evening.

Haven't done this for a long while now, either as host or guest. Since lockdowns etc it seems people actually visiting homes in person has reduced as well.

we’re just about getting to the stage where babysitting swaps might be possible - my youngest has been hard work at bedtimes for years and I’ve only been willing to impose him on people who are being well paid for it!

Problem with reciprocal babysitting is the people I’d ask to babysit and the people I would invite to dinner are largely one and the same!

We used to have dinner parties at university and in our first flats in our early 20s...it was a novelty being "grown ups".

Nowadays we are more likely to have people round for lunch or occasionally we have friends round with DC in the afternoon and then I end up making everyone some pasta/an oven pizza when the kids start getting hungry.

I think even out of London where people have more space, few people my age (late 30s) use their dining room as a dining room...ours (we are in the process of moving) is going to be used as a play room/office.

How do you manage that? Do children participate in dinner too?

I often have friends + kids round for a Friday evening glass of wine (or three) and pizza - adults chat while kids play - but I don’t really class that as “hosting”.

Yes exactly that! They are the ones you’d love to have the night off with.

Space can also be an issue- my best friend can put my whole family up comfortably at hers, so children can have a film and sleepover while we have food and catch up later, but we don’t have anywhere near as big a house to offer the same sadly, and they live an hour away. It’s actually the only time I wish I did have a bigger house, to more fully be able to host more people and for longer durations.

Yes, of course. Then they go and play somewhere else. So probably like you do, just with something other than pizza.

That sounds more wholesome than us if everyone is sitting down dinner party style. We just tend to give the kids pizza while thry watch a movie and the adults hang out in the kitchen. It’s more student party than dinner party.