To wonder if quality home cooking for friends is a lost art?

[Jumpupjumphigh]

There have been a couple of threads recently about the decline in quality:price ratio when eating out in the UK. To which all I can say is: I thoroughly agree! For some time now I've largely given up on going to restaurants. The mid-priced ones are more and more tending towards microwaved crap that is far below what I can cook at home for a fraction of the price, and I can't afford the posh ones.

But here's the thing: When I first progressed from studenthood to "proper" adulthood, myself and my friends had proper jobs etc, it was common for people to invite each other for dinner parties in their houses, make an effort and cook proper quality food. I still do that. I'm certainly no famous chef, but I research and practise styles of cookery that interest me and people are impressed when I cook for them. It costs some effort and money but it always makes the starting point for a great evening.

But although I have friends that like to meet up for other things, and do invite me to their houses, they almost never host dinner parties. Maybe an informal lunch where everybody brings something "pot luck" style at best. Is this because the art of proper cooking outside of a business relationship has largely died? Or is it just that particular kind of social event that is seen as old fashioned now? Or do I just not have the right friends?

Do other people still get invited to dinner parties?

People are much more flaky, I hate this but since Covid nobody seems to be able to commit to a social engagement anymore.

This is so bloody true. To be honest I daren't suggest a party at a big birthday, christmas or new years anymore, as the fear is no one will actually come.

I used to invite people for dinner but a series of life events, children and covid largely put a stop to it. Now that I'm older as are the kids, I'm hoping to return to socialising at home more. I'm not the best cook but I do enjoy having a natter around the dinner table with loved ones.

On average I have guests for dinner or am invited for dinner once a week, 9/10 decided in the moment or earlier the same day.
I’d rather stick a fish knife in my eye than attend or host the pretentious dinner parties my parents used to host though. I remember hours making salmon mousse and lemon posset.

I had a dinner party last night! Three couples and us. Cocktails and canape/appetisers, a very nice chicken main, meringues with fruit, cheese board and topped off with home made truffles and coffee. I loved it, can't wait to do it again.

I think it relied on women who worked less or in lower responsibility jobs and were more prepared to to put the time in to plan & cook

I think this is probably the case.

I meet up with one group of friends once a month for a games night. We take it in turns to host. Food is good but very simple. We all work and have DC. When I host I usually have less than 1 hour between finishing work and everyone arriving and I think most of my friends are the same. We're just happy to find time to spend together. If we waited until one of had the time to 'properly' host we'd be lucky to get together once a year!

I meet another a friendship group once a month or so for a meal in a restaurant. We quite often meet early and straight from work. Again, it's a time thing.

Perhaps when we're all retired!

Well, here DH does most of the cooking, and he is already the boss. We have to entertain very simply at the moment, as we’re renovating a wreck and only have a tiny camp kitchen the size of a cupboard and an ancient cooker with only two rings that work, and no dining table, but we had six friends for dinner last weekend. Spanakopita, salad, nice cheese and a rhubarb tart. It doesn’t have to be something fancy.

I spent all my Saturdays at 14/15 years old in 89/90 babysitting my parents friends while they all took it in turns to host elaborate 3 course dinner parties, with full table accoutrements, glassware, and cutlery. Even port and brandy at the end with 500 fags being smoked and fleetwood mac/ queen blaring away.
Everyone dressed up ( ties/ heels on indoors- and you couldn’t move for shoulder pads and fuzzy eyebrows)
They were huge boozy affairs and ended up raccoons and quite outrageous, with lap
sitting and posing for the Polaroid camera with a leg in the air etc!
They were very aspirational and my parents as well as their friends were from very working class backgrounds who had ‘done well for themselves’ . Only one of the women in the circle worked -part-time I think and the preparation (and expense I imagine) that went into pulling the night off was extensive.
My mum would start planning for a sat dinner party on a Wednesday and by Friday be frantic , but excited in full Margo Ledbetter mode sending my step dad out for yet more booze to be on the safe side, as the 27 bottles of wine , every spirit you can imagine 2 bottles of port/ brandy ‘might not be enough’,
For 10 people lol.

I used to get myself in such a state hosting formal dinner parties.
I suggested instead a games evening where I do a main and the other 2 couples bring starter and dessert.
This has now become the norm with all our friends and is sooo much more relaxing and fun.

I still do it with a group from work but to be honest, I find it hard as life s busy these days. It’s the planning, prep and cleaning up that’s an effort especially as individually a weekday we meet. My friends who enjoy hosting are either retired or work pt or no kids. I must admit it’s also got harder since more friends have dietary requirements- vegan or coeliac is most common. So my usual repertoire is no good - all in all, I’d rather go out! But I hope as the kids grow up and I have fewer commitments, I’ll have more time and headspace to enjoy hosting again.

I love a dinner party, always have.

Probably do one every 6-8 wks or so - and attend one every couple of weeks.

i love cooking and enjoy it so it’s fun. I have someone help with cleaning on the day and the day after, and if I have more than 8 guests I’ll have someone in to do drinks.

My circle still do this all the time - both smaller
less formal ‘kitchen suppers’ - which tend to be two courses - and also dinner parties for 8-10 people with a few more.

people mix it up with themes /
game nights etc - but think that if you find the right people then lots still entertain at home. We find it lends to more extended quality time vs leaving a restaurant when the meal is done.

But how do you normally eat? Lying lengthwise on the sofa, ripping food apart with your hands and grunting at other people ?

Woke my DH up bursting out laughing at this ….

🤣

Sorry, @Lardychops ’s DH. Go back to sleep!😀

I think the poster is referring to the prioritising of entertainment space when marketing houses. It's par for the course in Australia, though I haven't noticed any greater levels of actual sociability here than in the UK.

It's aspirational mince; the idea of it, the possibility.

Where I live, I see huge houses with the dining table set out in the front window overlooking the sea, i.e. half the guests don't see the view. Also the windows need to be closed to keep out the howling wind, blinding sun and incessant traffic noise. I make it sound horrible, but a beachfront house is not all it appears. Now I think of it, I can't recall seeing people actually eating or being out on the balcony above a handful of times.

One thing I did notice when I first moved here was the number of outdoor settings. i.e tables, chairs etc. in various places in the garden. Three in one house. To be fair, these were the homes of well-to-do ex-pats. Also, the generally better weather supports such things.
I have seating in three places, all picked up from nature strips.

It costs too much

I'll meet people in restaurants, at the park for a picnic etc but crucially it has to be somewhere I can leave.

Oh yes we have a dining table and use it every day. It's the people wanting huge open spaces downstairs and breakfast bars, not for their family to enjoy, but so they can host huge parties and have people round fire pits constantly. I have a family member who spent hundreds of thousands remodelling their home purely to entertain others. They enjoy it which is nice for them but it's not for me!

I'm with you.
Hosting dinner parties/,games nights or attending these would be my idea of hell. Thankfully none of my friends have any interest either..... and we"re not a bunch of miseries. Just not our thing.

If we're at Mil's for lunch she still serves us weird starters like griddled aubergine that are a throwback to her 70s dinner party hosting days.

@Navyslug this is me exactly!

I have two groups of friends where we take turns to host things like this. One group with children so it’s much more informal unless it’s for a special celebration and they get babysat / farmed out to family for the night. And another group where I’m the only one with children - I can’t always go - but there are two couples in the group who love hosting and have large houses, so I go there every couple of months too. It’s lovely.

I do have memories of my parents having dinner parties a lot in the early 90s 😄

I think the shoulder-pad, silk blouse, big hair, prawn cocktail fancy napkin dinner parties of the 80s had already disappeared by the early 2000s but you're right in that if they weren't dead already then social media would have killed them off.

imagine influencers doing dinner parties 😫
people would feel like they can't keep up!

I think they first disappeared because:

• people living in smaller and smaller properties - no room for a table let alone dining room
• people's friendship circle being splattered across counties
• decline in confidence of cooking (I wouldn't foist my cooking on anyone who was kind enough to visit me - I'm terrible)

I'd love for them to make a come back though... big hair and all. I always find it nostalgic looking through my mums old recipe books with soft focus photos of elaborately laid tables and whole roast duck etc

Yes I think it is a dying art op...and mainly imo because so many women work nowadays.

Dh has invited several couples we know round for lunch and I always cook...they reciprocate and invite us to theirs but never cook and instead take us out to a restaurant. I'm a sahm and in these situations both partners work long hours so I totally understand they don't want to spend hours in the kitchen cooking for guests.

Agree with all of this. My parents were constantly at dinner parties or hosting them in the 1980s....dad wore wear a suit, mum would dress up. I would find it really exciting and be allowed to come downstairs to say hello to their guests.... probably through a haze of cigarette smoke. Those were the days!