To wonder if quality home cooking for friends is a lost art?

[Jumpupjumphigh]

There have been a couple of threads recently about the decline in quality:price ratio when eating out in the UK. To which all I can say is: I thoroughly agree! For some time now I've largely given up on going to restaurants. The mid-priced ones are more and more tending towards microwaved crap that is far below what I can cook at home for a fraction of the price, and I can't afford the posh ones.

But here's the thing: When I first progressed from studenthood to "proper" adulthood, myself and my friends had proper jobs etc, it was common for people to invite each other for dinner parties in their houses, make an effort and cook proper quality food. I still do that. I'm certainly no famous chef, but I research and practise styles of cookery that interest me and people are impressed when I cook for them. It costs some effort and money but it always makes the starting point for a great evening.

But although I have friends that like to meet up for other things, and do invite me to their houses, they almost never host dinner parties. Maybe an informal lunch where everybody brings something "pot luck" style at best. Is this because the art of proper cooking outside of a business relationship has largely died? Or is it just that particular kind of social event that is seen as old fashioned now? Or do I just not have the right friends?

Do other people still get invited to dinner parties?

Not sure when you were a young professional OP?

Some people (like me) have never been involved in rounds of dinner parties.

Some people (like my dd) enjoy cooking and enjoy having people round, and still do this.

I doubt there is a demise in numbers, although I suspect there are probably more people that entertain less formally than a dinner party might have been in the 1970s.

I don’t enjoy hosting dinner parties therefore don’t accept invites as reciprocity is expected. I’d rather meet at a neutral place like a restaurant, etc

I don't find the veggie / vegan / gluten free etc. thing that big a deal. I often cook things like tapas or multi-dish Asian sharing meals rather than three big courses that everyone eats the same way, so it's pretty easy to have a few options, some veggie or vegan, where each individual only eats some of them.

I still have people over for food, but I was never of the ‘dinner party’ persuasion. It’s usually just one course and cheese and tons of wine. But I definitely went through a phase of not doing it, when DS was little and the whole clearing up/planning/cooking/while doing everything around bedtime just didn’t seem like fun.

That's maybe more to do with London than anywhere else due to the ridiculous property prices though?

We don’t do this. Our group has young kids, no time, and too tired to host dinners for groups of people. I would prefer to eat out, let someone cook and deal with the mess and take the kids out.

you must have no kids/ retired op?

I used to do this more when we lived in the UK, but seeing what seems to be on this thread as fine dining, then no. It was always inviting friends round for the evening meal, probably upped a bit for the occasion.

I would never host a dinner party as I'm not a confident enough cook and all my friends have beautiful houses, whereas ours is scruffier as we don't have the funds to do much to it! We don't own enough of the required matching plates etc either.

I've also heard too many jokes along the lines of 'How do you ensure no one wants to come to yours for dinner... just tell them you're vegetarian!', which puts me off further (I am vegetarian!).

There are lots of lower effort ways to socialise which are more fun.

I think this was popular in the 70s and 80s but has really gone out of fashion.

Nobody I know hosts dinner parties other than the odd BBQ or Sunday roast. I love cooking and hosting so I find it a bit sad!

I invited friends for a Chinese meal for Chinese New Year and I got some comments saying it was “weird” and “old fashioned” - as well as some echoing what some other posters have said about feeling uncomfortable eating at someone’s house, being fussy eaters, etc. One friend said her and her husband would prefer to go out drinking. It’s a shame I think, it doesn’t have to be formal.

Suspect you don’t have the right friends. I’ve been attending and hosting “dinner parties” if you can call it that since I was 14 and still do now.

I stopped doing it when we had kids. 20 years later I haven't resumed it.

I’ve never really thought about this, but this rings true with my group of friends!
We became a solid group when I was about 24, I’m 36 now. There’s seven of us girls in the group. I’d say from being 24 to 32, we used to go round to each others houses and take it in turns to cook CONSTANTLY. Like every couple of weeks. The host would cook a delish three course meal for the rest of us.
But thinking on it now, I honestly can’t remember the last time we did this. Now we just eat out. I don’t think we’ve done the home cooking now for a good four years. But it’s not something we ever discussed or purposely called time on, we’ve just got out of the habit. And I hadn’t even noticed until I read your thread!
I wonder for us personally if we just had a bit more time on our hands and less responsibility in our 20s, whereas now a lot of the group have young kids or are progressing in careers and becoming busier, and the thought of hosting six other women for a three course meal feels a bit much, and it’s easier to just go out. Interesting!

This may be slightly cynical. I wonder if the art of talking to others for several hours without the support of a screen or device is a declining art. Also dinner parties were a bit of an aspiration in our day, whereas lifestyles seem to have changed and not conducive to living with one's parents or house-sharing in to your 30s.

I dont do dinner parties but I like to do a brunch on Sunday.
Usually about 10 or 12 people come over plus my adult sons.
I usually do it about once every 6 weeks.

We used to do it but then everyone had kids and it stopped. Soon the kids will be old enough to fend for themselves for a few hours and I’m hoping it resumes.

Tight budget during my 20s/30s and have been cooking daily from scratch while working full time, for 26 years for my family of DH plus 6 kids (now down to three at home) and three Grandchildren. I or DH still cook Sun-Thursday without fail.

Now at 50 on anFriday/Saturday the last thing I feel like doing is cooking for anyone, let alone friends.
Plus we are, comparatively, minted now, so I always suggest meals /drinks out with friends. They are in same situation with adult kids, mortgage paid off, both working etc.

Even some Sundays with all the family- we are 12/13 at times, and on occasion I just cannot be arsed so I suggest going out for a carvery or a pub lunch.

Two of our couple friends do not cook well either - and having lost a lot of weight I want whatever I stick in my mouth to be delicious and worth the Calories.
The type of things they cook are what I would serve up on a Tuesday evening with my eyes closed on auto pilot and to be honest when push comes to shove I’d rather give a miss. So many lovely restaurants and delivery options now and that feels much more of a treat for me than ‘chicken in sauce’ or a ‘lamb tagine’. The worst are ‘curry nights with all
the trimmings’- total shudder, when we have two of the most exquisite Indian restaurants in our area. That also saves you having to pretend the stringy chicken sub standard curry lovingly slaved over -usually by the male in the couple- is ‘authentic and best ever eaten l’ etc etc.

I will never stop putting healthy delicious food out on a week night /Sunday for my family but cooking for fun to entertain my friends - nah been there done that when had no other options. Restaurants and pub for me all the way now.
plus you can sud off home when has enough and no washing up.

I think it’s numerous factors which have combined:
More people living in smaller houses/back with parents due to COL
Cost of food has shot up and made hosting a lot more expensive
Its not a child friendly event and many people can’t easily find or afford babysitters
Many people with restricted diets, allergies (and some just fussiness)
People are much more flaky, I hate this but since Covid nobody seems to be able to commit to a social engagement anymore.

Everything on Instagram/SM reflects this and has moved away from formal dining at home. Yes there’s still a lot of show of “entertaining” but it’s family-style, grazing boards for parties, BBQs in the garden in the summer or a big pot of chilli and jackets in the winter, with a ramshackle “more the merrier, turn up when you like” kind of vibe and for younger families it almost always involves having the kids in tow. People used to put their kids to bed and go to a dinner party at their friends house and now I think that would be quite unusual, if we are hosting friends with kids they will come over around 3-4pm and we’ll do a garden BBQ or something and the kids will play and the adults drink and chat. Many of our close friends live quite far away so they stay over, the kids have sleepovers in each others rooms etc.

I do this a lot but no one ever reciprocates apart from one group of older friends. I love hosting and making people feel welcome. I also love mixing people who I think will get on well.

Oh and I forgot, people are all just so busy and tired. Can’t be arsed to start cooking for other people on a Friday night. Can barely be arsed to feed myself!

I'm sorry to hear this @Beetletweetle, that sounds utterly miserable for you.

I can’t imagine booking and paying a babysitter just to go round to someone’s house. When I babysat as a teen the parents were often off to dinner parties - usually quite glam as well. I’d much rather go to a restaurant.

I think it’s a lot to do with cost nowadays tbh.

We had friends over for a BBQ yesterday, it was nothing fancy but once you added the alcohol in it all came to £130. Which to just entertain at home and have to do all the cooking/ prepping of the house/ clearing up etc seems like a lot!

We’re also in the stage of everyone having young children so a more formal evening do would be hard to organise. It’s a shame as we have the house for it and one of the reasons why we bought the house was because there was plenty of space for entertaining, but it’s ALWAYS us that hosts, rarely is it reciprocated and I think I got a bit fed up of that too tbh.

I just think dinner parties died out because everyone realized that childcare was super expensive and it was just as much fun to have your friends and their kids over and have a bit of a free for all. And then the kids grew up and now we'd all rather go to restaurants, without the kids.

My friends do it less and less. I feel its such a pity, i like doing it & am happy to host, but others i think just can't be bothered. I think it relied on women who worked less or in lower responsibility jobs and were more prepared to to put the time in to plan & cook. Now it tends to be less formal options like hosting a barbecue.

Also I think people have fewer close friends in their community. My parents had a circle of couples they socialised with but it was my mother who had really built the foundations of those friendships during a 10 year period staying at home with young children. Now women don't take a long period off, their friends are from their jobs or university days rather than among their local neighbourhood.

I'm 62 and have never been to a dinner party in my life.

It makes me think of the 70s when a wife was supposed to host such things for her husband's bosses in the hope of him getting promotion .