To wonder if quality home cooking for friends is a lost art?

[Jumpupjumphigh]

There have been a couple of threads recently about the decline in quality:price ratio when eating out in the UK. To which all I can say is: I thoroughly agree! For some time now I've largely given up on going to restaurants. The mid-priced ones are more and more tending towards microwaved crap that is far below what I can cook at home for a fraction of the price, and I can't afford the posh ones.

But here's the thing: When I first progressed from studenthood to "proper" adulthood, myself and my friends had proper jobs etc, it was common for people to invite each other for dinner parties in their houses, make an effort and cook proper quality food. I still do that. I'm certainly no famous chef, but I research and practise styles of cookery that interest me and people are impressed when I cook for them. It costs some effort and money but it always makes the starting point for a great evening.

But although I have friends that like to meet up for other things, and do invite me to their houses, they almost never host dinner parties. Maybe an informal lunch where everybody brings something "pot luck" style at best. Is this because the art of proper cooking outside of a business relationship has largely died? Or is it just that particular kind of social event that is seen as old fashioned now? Or do I just not have the right friends?

Do other people still get invited to dinner parties?

Yes we do this all the time, not formal but good food with different groups of friends each returning the favour. But we also live somewhere with great restaurants so love to go out, but it is hugely expensive so a treat rather than a weekly thing.

I said YABU because I think people can cook but they don't want to.

I'm brilliant at hosting dinner parties but it costs£££ and often isn't reciprocated. I may as well spend the £££ on a restaurant meal with friends and save myself the vast amount of time spent cleaning shopping and hosting. It's much more relaxing for me

We did a lot of this with other couples/groups through our ‘20s. For us it has lessened as we’ve all had young children. I do enjoy and miss it though.

However, another thing that puts us of hosting is that one couple didn’t reciprocate invites, kept inviting themselves here and even expressed disappointment not to have been invited last Summer! My DH is very laid back, and a generous, excellent cook, but he’d had enough and said it really is their turn, which I agree with.

I think people are ruder as guests generally. We actually hosted a family for a BBQ lunch Saturday (school friend of DS’s). They were very late, which meant all the children were very hungry, and we didn’t appreciate their level of unhelpful interference and watching of both the cooking and washing up, which we both know exactly what we are doing with.

When Jamie Oliver was in his heyday I was jealous of their life with informal meals where everyone just dived in. I’ve never had this type of friendship group, and now I’m a bit older I can see why. We have our own requirements and it’s too much to have to start thinking about others’ individual requirements. Even doing a vegetarian option is enough (happy to do this but just feel that I can’t cater for all tastes).

I would prefer a formal dinner party. I would find this just as stressful as an informal meal, so might as well do something special, and there’s a formula. The boozy parties of the 80s where people dressed up sound like a right laugh and it’s a shame that this doesn’t happen.

I have fallen out of love with cooking - my family see food as fuel and don’t seem to have good conversations at the dinner table. So I have no desire to do even more cooking.

I agree with the PPs about people being uncomfortable if you’ve gone to any trouble. And also the flakiness, especially if you’ve put in effort and/or spent a lot.

I also think that this reflects a broader trend, expedited by covid but not caused by it. I’m guilty of this too. It’s easier to eat simply and then settle in front of the TV in my pjs than it is to entertain or go out.

I’ve never enjoyed cooking and have never been invited to a dinner party either - it honestly doesn’t sound remotely enjoyable to me!

I’d rather meet friends for lunch, or, if money is tight, go for a walk with the dogs and grab a coffee instead.

YANBU. I made a post a few weeks/months ago asking if I was unreasonable for being miffed that a friend invites DH and I for dinner on a Fri/Sat night - we get dressed up, pay for a taxi etc. - and then they serve us oven pizza from the supermarket. I can’t remember what the end vote was but a LOT of people called me a snob and insisted they would be grateful if they got given beans on toast at a dinner party!

I’m in my 40s and have never hosted or been to a dinner party. When friends have visited or I have visited friends we tend to either have a takeaway, go out or just have something quick and easy to eat while chatting. Surely the host spends most of the time in the kitchen and can’t enjoy the company?

I’ve done this and not done it. Most done before kids.
In my group we meet as just the women and so invites to someone’s house never went down well as night off meant we didn’t want kids or partners lurking.

now my kids are old enough to not want to be present my health and mental health couldn’t handle the pressures of cooking for a group sadly. Maybe again one day

YANBU, especially if you don’t all have kids. When we hosted like that in our ‘20s we always properly cooked, at least 2 courses if not 3 for friends. A proper main based around quality meat/fish and a dessert made from scratch minimum. So did the rest of our friends.

Yes, that’s a good point about one person potentially being stuck in the kitchen unable to join in with the chat, which is very fun!

I admire cooks who are confident enough to cook whilst chatting. I don’t like cooking when guests are watching! 🙈😂 To get round this, I always choose a dessert I can make in advance ready in the fridge, I would also prep ahead anything I could for starter and main. Also I like big one-pot oven or slow cooker recipes. Even hosting a BBQ lunch I had my cous cous done the day before then panzanella made and Pimm’s prep on the morning, I like everything ready in the fridge and washing up all done ahead of people arriving. DH is an excellent cook and happy to be on main, I’m the chattier of us so I’m always more on meet and greet 😂

Yes we still do this. It's less formal than a 'dinner party' but we do make a lot of effort and there's usually a theme e.g. tapas, or dishes from a certain country or cuisine. I love sharing a meal with friends, it's my favourite thing to do.

I think this rings true. What's acceptable in terms of leaving kids now is quite different and few people have an easy babysitter.
Im sure people would just have left an 8 and 10yr old home on their own while they went to a friend's dinner party but I don't think many would think that acceptable now. Or a 14yr old babysitter would be hired for like a tenner. Now even a teenager would expect like £25-£30 to babysit so the whole thing becomes costly.

I’m surprised people saying they did it in their 20s. In my 20s everyone was in house shares so there wasn’t the space or facilities to have dinner parties, and most people were skint at the start of their careers so no money or time to buy and prep fancy ingredients.

I’m mid 30s now and I’ve been invited for casual food gatherings like bbqs and nibbles but never the kind of thing you’re talking about. Doesn’t happen in my circle at all, it’s not something I’d ever do as I absolutely detest cooking. I also enjoy eating out and haven’t found the decline in quality you mention.

I think it might be a generational thing, I honestly can’t imagine anyone under 50 having the kind of dinner party you’re talking about!

I used to do it a lot and I enjoyed it back then - but it was a lot of work and I'm not up for that anymore.
My house needed to be cleaned & tidied, shopping and planning done and then the cooking and the hosting. I want to look forward to socialising and that does not include me doing hard labour 😁, money is not the limiting factor for me or my friends anymore so we eat out and if the food isn't great at least the company is and I have no washing up the next day..

Me and my partner at the time used to do this with one of his friends and his then partner, wasn’t always a dinner party as such but maybe every month or so we would go round to one of each others houses for dinner cook nice food and have drinks etc. He spilt up with his partner early part of Covid and then did it once with the new partner but the vibe was totally different and less relaxed having a laugh we just click as well, so I think it was more of the previous partner was pushing meet ups as well as we would see them a good few times a month.

I used to enjoy hosting dinner parties but not formal, we had a big kitchen with a 7 foot table I would make 3 courses, use a tablecloth, set the table nicely. We always enjoy having people for a meal, or going to theirs. I think of going out for a meal out as being something that you do with "less-close" friends. Plus the food can be mediocre/boring and expensive. I can't understand the poster who doesn't like entertaining or going to other people's houses.
I still like to cook for friends and use a recipe when we've got guests. - I work FT shifts but cook from scratch every day, or batch cook so I've got fresh home cooked stuff to take to work but I usually make it up from my head when it's just for us. We've downsized in the past two years but are getting a kitchen extension now to make it easier to have visitors + start cooking for guests more frequently again and I can't wait! 😁

Ooh I also miss murder mystery parties! Where you play with 6-8 in between each course. Amazing costumes and accents, the excitement of discovering ‘you are the murderer’! Definitely an art to ensuring your guests are tipsy enough to embrace their part, but not so drunk they have no idea what’s going on 😂

Board games are also good, and more recently karaoke has made a massive comeback in our circles! One couple hosted a fabulous Eurovision party, we left children at GPs, so could stay overnight and were on the karaoke until 1am. Another friend had us stay over, did food first for the kids then proper adult food for us, extended drinks to other friends who came later. Incredibly all the kids slept through us on the karaoke until 2am (they do have a much bigger house than us, we would not get away with this! 😂) At almost 40, these are the best 2 parties I’ve been to in about 10 years 😂

Many people don't have the room for guests, can't afford it (cost of living...) or the energy to fine cook. Babysitters are expensive too (- they expect to be paid what most people earn before taxes).
in addition people eat very differently and expect to be catered for.

I'm not really surprised.

I know what you mean OP, we don't get many dinner party invites these days. But I don't mind that it's not reciprocated as I love cooking and hosting, and it gives me an excuse to make meals I can't normally make for just us.

Depends. Open plan kitchen - dining, and food carefully organised so most of the work is done before arrival, works for me.

Well, I was responding to the part of her post that complained about having to ‘sit up straight and say please and thank you’ if eating at at other people’s houses, which suggested that her normal behaviour is different.

I expect it's less common for a variety of reasons, including -

Food is expensive

People working longer hours

Shift towards prioritising family over socialising as adults only

Casual lifestyles, not wanting to dress up

Casual dining, not 3 courses

Dietary requirements / expectations that the host will cater. Years ago, I did a meal for 8 guests. I served a ready meal to one of them, but now I'd feel pressure to cook a proper meal to accommodate their diet

Many people's social lives shrank during Covid

Focus on "my little family" rather than wider community

People are stressed and less inclined to put themselves out there

Dinner parties for friends are fun for extroverts. Introverts now more confident to say they don't enjoy it

Yes! Karaoke has made a hilarious come back I our crowd too. So much silly fun!

We still have friends over for dinner regularly & they all reciprocate. It’s something we’ve always done. We did it round a firepit in the garden when Covid allowed.

Interesting thread. I much prefer a casual buffet style party with friends - mostly because being served formally at the table feels weird to me. Plus formal dinner parties one person (too often the woman) ends up skivvying in the kitchen and you don’t get to see them much. Whereas we will put a big pan of chilli, rice, salad on the table, everyone fills a bowl and sits around chatting.
also babysitters are so expensive so we always have people round with all their kids, not adult only, so this style works much better.