AIBU to think this conversation needs to come from my husband and not from me?

[AlertHazelExpert]

I'm feeling hurt and overlooked after my MIL celebrated Mother's Day with her daughters and granddaughters, but didn't invite me. As the mother of her grandchild and someone who plays an active role in her granddaughter's life, I felt like I should have been included. What's even more hurtful is that she knew I was available, as I wasn't planning to go to my own mother's for dinner. If it was just a regular day and she was spending time with her daughters without the kids, I'd totally get it - that's mother-daughter time. But since it was a Mother's Day celebration and the kids were invited, I felt like I should have been included, especially as a mother in the family. I saw the pictures on FB and I teared up as soon as I saw I wasn’t even thought of. I even asked my husband to make sure he didn’t forget to mention it to me as you know how men can forget to mention those types of things and he said his mom never mention it to him and he was very upset about it himself but he feels since my MIL left me out I should be the one to have the conversation with her I also would have loved to spend time with my nieces and celebrate the day with them.

To make matters more frustrating, she made a big effort to celebrate Father's Day with my husband just a day ago. I always thought we were close and that she valued me as part of the family, but now I'm wondering if that's true. Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you handle it?

Its like cool I carried your grandbaby for 9 months pushed her out of my body and permanently changed my body but my husband deserves all the glory on Father’s Day and I don’t even get a freaking card on Mother’s Day. Not to mention I bend over backwards to make sure things are even between my mother and MIL. If anything the gifts I get my MIL may be a tad more than I get my own mom just to show I’m not favoring my own mother and because I appreciate her for being an awesome grandmother to my daughter. Besides even if you could make the argument that I’m her DIL and not her actual daughter sure but my child is just as much her GC as her daughter’s children are

AIBU to think my husband should have this conversation with my MIL instead of me?

This is bonkers. It's not on your MIL to consider you on mother's day, she isn't your daughter. You should be celebrating your own mother and your DH should be celebrating you as your child is young and his mother.
Maybe your DH doesn't want to raise it because he realises it was on him to do something for you and MIL on mother's day. You have somehow decided it's MIL at fault here.

Maybe she wanted to sense check it again as its an ongoing issue and the other thread didn't get much response.
To be honest if me and my girls did something with my Mum on Mothers Day and my SIL was there, I'd find it a bit weird.

Don’t hold your breath for a response to that query.

All that I get from OP's posts is that she is in competition. There is a lot of point scoring.

Gifts. Ranking of relatives status in the family. Jealousy.

OP wants to tell everyone else what they should do and what they should think.

There is no love, care or celebration of mothers, just one upmanship.

I’m not sure she even actually cares if MiL had a nice day.

How do I report this same tedious troll who's just had a thread about her 'son's marriage issues'? 🙄
OP, get a bloody life.

So you think it would be weird for your husband to celebrate mother's day with his mum but not for you too?? Also you make it sound like she should be celebrating you?? But it's mother's day and your not her mother...

Also are you sure she arranged it? Maybe your SIL arranged it for her MOTHER on MOTHER'S day and therefore didnt invite you, if i plan something for my mum and me to do i dont think of inviting my SIL

He should side with you if you've been slighted but you haven't. If you feel you have that's a shame but you should celebrate mother's day with your mother, or your children. Nobody else is relevant.

Your husband can spend it with his father or his children. I cannot fathom at what point on mother's or father's day your mother in law is relevant.

It sounds like you're in the states, that may explain a lot as in the UK your thinking wouldn't be accepted

Yep.

Jealousy and point-scoring, nothing more.

The in-laws are likely tired of it.

Also, out of curiosity, how old are you?

Are you in the UK? This is such an odd interpretation of Mothers and Fathers days to me.

For me and everyone I've ever met,
On Mothers day you treat your mum. If you have your own children they also treat you (if they're too young then the other parent arranges it on their behalf).

The other parent also has to treat their own mum. It's the children /adult children's responsibility to arrange something, buy cards and gifts, and make invitations.
Ideally this would all be done in one event e.g. a meal out. But once families are larger this becomes difficult/impossible.

It is never the mother's or grandmother's responsibility to gift or make invitations to their children. It's the one day they just get made a fuss of.

The equivalent for Fathers day.

YABVVU

I think this is really bizarre. Why would your mother in law get you a Mother’s Day card when you have your own mum plus a husband who could help get one for your daughter.
Your children should be getting you a present on your behalf. Not your mother in law.
presumably for Mother’s Day her daughters need to do something for their mum for Mother’s Day so they have brought their children along. That is completely normal. They wouldn’t invite you as they would assume you would be doing something with your own mum. Your husband has told them you are not so you are doing something with your husband and child. That is a more normal thing to do than spend it with your mother in law. I don’t think your mother in law or your husband have done anything wrong at all and I think your expectations are very strange. I am in the UK and it’s definitely not normal for your mother in law to have to celebrate you on Mother’s Day. Maybe it’s the done thing if you are somewhere else.

I really wish people would stop stressing out do much about Mother's day and Fathers Day. Its just not worth it. And it sounds like your mil is just a petty and thoughtless vindictive cow so ignore her.

Are people seriously not recognising this poster?

I've reported it. Bloody tedious and a total waste of people's valuable time.
OP, you have some serious problems.

I definitely haven't seen her posting before but several people in the thread have and I believe them. I'm intrigued as to what she's said in previous threads though.

Surely the OP 😂

You sound bloody hard work and really immature. GROW up OP!!!

She is not your mother and if your husband says anything in regards to this nonsense, you'll be the one left out of events, not her. You're being utterly ridiculous.

I’ll see if any of them are still up. She posts in jags - there’ll be three or four - and then goes quiet for a few weeks.

Really?

cool I carried your grandbaby for 9 months pushed her out of my body and permanently changed my body

you shouldn’t celebrate the father and do nothing for the mother considering she carried your GC and birthed them.

This kind of crap talk is exactly probably why you were not invited. Do you know that you are not the only woman in the world to give birth? You don’t have a special badge. You sound utterly tiresome, I wouldn’t be able to spend a minute in your company.

Bonkers to get so worked up about any Hallmark Holiday.

It’s weirder that you didn’t make plans with your own Mum! My daughters and I often do Mother’s Day together, but I wouldn’t dream of imposing on my DILs own day with their Mother!

I don’t want to be that MIL!

I think someone mentioned something about different perspectives and I think that’s something to consider further.
My parents do a lot for my DH, but more for me because I’m their child.
I don’t expect or get anything from my parents on Mother’s Day, I do for my mum. My daughter and DH do for me. My sister is a mum and we are close but we don’t get each other anything for Mother’s Day. That’s just not something we do and are not fussed about. Not saying we are ‘right’, it’s just how we see things.
Today my DD and I had a lovely breakfast at home with my DH and then we drove to visit my parents to take them out Father’s Day lunch. I got my dad stuff because he’s my dad and our daughter got DH stuff (via me as she’s 11) as he’s her dad. That’s the extent of it. No one is expecting anything else or upset. Unless there’s some kind of back story, don’t make this a bigger thing than it needs to be.
I wonder if maybe you’re expecting more from your in laws than most. There’s no way I’d expect my in laws to treat me the same way as their DDs. Of course they care for me but I am not their child. My marrying their son doesn’t change that.

The only grounds you could possibly have to be annoyed is if there were granddaughters present that were children of sons.

Otherwise it's literally just women spending time with their mum and their own daughters at the same time.

Either way, you sound incredibly hard work, like your view is the only possible right view, and quick to take bizarre kinds of offense.