AIBU to think this conversation needs to come from my husband and not from me?

[AlertHazelExpert]

I'm feeling hurt and overlooked after my MIL celebrated Mother's Day with her daughters and granddaughters, but didn't invite me. As the mother of her grandchild and someone who plays an active role in her granddaughter's life, I felt like I should have been included. What's even more hurtful is that she knew I was available, as I wasn't planning to go to my own mother's for dinner. If it was just a regular day and she was spending time with her daughters without the kids, I'd totally get it - that's mother-daughter time. But since it was a Mother's Day celebration and the kids were invited, I felt like I should have been included, especially as a mother in the family. I saw the pictures on FB and I teared up as soon as I saw I wasn’t even thought of. I even asked my husband to make sure he didn’t forget to mention it to me as you know how men can forget to mention those types of things and he said his mom never mention it to him and he was very upset about it himself but he feels since my MIL left me out I should be the one to have the conversation with her I also would have loved to spend time with my nieces and celebrate the day with them.

To make matters more frustrating, she made a big effort to celebrate Father's Day with my husband just a day ago. I always thought we were close and that she valued me as part of the family, but now I'm wondering if that's true. Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you handle it?

Its like cool I carried your grandbaby for 9 months pushed her out of my body and permanently changed my body but my husband deserves all the glory on Father’s Day and I don’t even get a freaking card on Mother’s Day. Not to mention I bend over backwards to make sure things are even between my mother and MIL. If anything the gifts I get my MIL may be a tad more than I get my own mom just to show I’m not favoring my own mother and because I appreciate her for being an awesome grandmother to my daughter. Besides even if you could make the argument that I’m her DIL and not her actual daughter sure but my child is just as much her GC as her daughter’s children are

AIBU to think my husband should have this conversation with my MIL instead of me?

I don't think you should have posted this in AiBU.
You clearly think MIL is BU. And theres nothing that anyone can say that you take on board. Your DH already confirmed he was going to talk to her per a previous post you made. So not sure theres much point to the thread anymore !

Would it have bothered you as much if you’d arranged to do something with your own mother and then found out about your MILs plans?

You seem determined to see yourself as the victim here! Out of interest, on Father's Day did your MIL spend the day with just her son, or did she hang out with her sons in law too? Did she send them cards and presents?

Yes, your child is her grandchild, not her child. Why is that hard to follow?

Why on earth would you be invited to celebrate mother's day with the mother of your husband? I intially thought you meant your daughter had been invited and you had been left out. Then realised that you were just moaning because you were not invited to something that you should not have been invited to. You honestly need to find more things to worry about in life. I cannot conceive of EVER inviting a DIL to celebrate mother's day with me when she has her own mother. And I cannot understand why his mother was arranging her own celebration. Are you sure it was not arranged by the actual daughter? Anyway - you are being very unreasonable. And if you choose to behave different towards her because of this, then you are officially ever so slightly insane.

You're blowing it totally out of proportion. Those granddaughters were with her because they're her daughters' children and she was spending time with her daughters. Go spend Mother's Day with your Mum and explain to your daughter she is your mother, not your husband's mother.

Say what?!

Did she send this to your dh or give him when he visited to see his dad on father day? That bit is a bit OTT.

But it’s her son and people are biased. You are wrong to treat your mother less than MIL.

About the Mother’s Day, I don’t think it’s the mother who organises the day and send invites.
Her daughter must have planned it and as also brought her kids who were celebrating Mother’s Day with her.

I'm waiting for a Gotcha!

Either OP is trolling us or needs genuine help that no one on this thread can offer.

You aksed a question, but are not willing to accept them or have some self reflection.
Says a lot about the dynamics of your marriage and relationship with in-laws.

For once, a MIL who sounds very thoughtful!

Most people would complain or at least roll their eyes to be expected to spend a Mothers Day lunch with their MIL. She's not your mother, you are not her daughter.

you are left alone free to do things with your own mother.

Well done on your MIL frankly.

Complete overreaction. You’re a bit strange. Why wasn’t spending Mother’s Day with your own child enough for you? It’s commercial nonsense anyway.

It really wouldn’t.

You are not her daughter. She is not your mum. She is allowed to celebrate Mother’s Day with her daughters.

You are massively overthinking this. If your daughter had been invited and you hadn’t I could understand it… but that’s not the case here.

Why didn’t you spend it with your own mum?

I expect your child will be doing something to celebrate Grandparents Day with all of her grandparents...

October 5th this year I believe...

I agree with this that she should have let you organise Father’s Day celebration for dh considering your child is only 4.
Did she take over?

I think you have not framed op correctly. Seems like your issue is that she takes over on Father’s Day.

Indeed - surely you should've been spending the day with your own mother if the day is so important to you?

OP won’t answer that, nor will she say how close and friendly she and the SiLs are. If she won’t answer those then 🤔

This is all very odd. Did you ask her if she wanted to do anything nice on Mothers Day? It doesn’t sound like you did. It’s not her responsibility to think of you, you’re not her mum.
This line from your OP confused me…
”and I don’t even get a freaking card on Mother’s Day” why on Earth would SHE buy YOU a card? Again, you’re not her mum. I’m sorry but it’s really weird. Your OWN CHILD should be buying you a card- did your husband facilitate that?

On mother's day .... she celebrated her daughters.. who are mothers and on father's day, she celebrated her son who is a father..

Did her son in laws join the Mother's Day celebration?

Did you celebrate Father's day with your husband as well as his mother?

Honestly. I think you need to reframe your thinking... take her out for afternoon tea with your daughter and your husband on Grandparents day (27th July!) and make it a new tradition!! (Only half kidding.. ). That way you get to keep Mother's day for yourself and / or your mother.

And don't bend over backwards to buy her better presents than your own mother... just go with the flow... the only person hurting here is you, and you are doing it to yourself.

We don't celebrate mothers day or fathers day but I always understood that children celebrated mothers day with their mother and fathers day with their father, therefore your SIL was with her mum and her kids were with their mum? You should have celebrated mothers day with your mum and your kids should have been with you? In that situation I would have expected your DH to have been invited out with his mum and if anything he should be the one hurt at being left out?

She got him a card and some sweets for Father’s Day, it’s not really the norm but it’s a cute small gesture and hardly taking over!

Chances are the lunch or whatever was organised and paid for by the daughters for their mother, so realistically there’s no reason why your SiLs would have invited you, especially as your own mother is alive and local enough that you could see her.

I’ve asked this a number of times. Op doesn’t answer questions which may provide some enlightenment.

Looking at the OP this appears to have been posted today and yet l’m sure I’ve seen it before a few months back, just after mothers’ day - right down to the detail about the grand daughters being left out.

All I can say is I feel quite depleted after reading all OP’s posts, not sure I’d have the mental energy to have lunch with. OP if you give off the same vibe in real life as you do here you might find they’ve decided not to (overtly) celebrate Mother’s Day next year.

When MIL had her DDs round to celebrate, did her son-in-laws go also?