AIBU to think this conversation needs to come from my husband and not from me?

[AlertHazelExpert]

I'm feeling hurt and overlooked after my MIL celebrated Mother's Day with her daughters and granddaughters, but didn't invite me. As the mother of her grandchild and someone who plays an active role in her granddaughter's life, I felt like I should have been included. What's even more hurtful is that she knew I was available, as I wasn't planning to go to my own mother's for dinner. If it was just a regular day and she was spending time with her daughters without the kids, I'd totally get it - that's mother-daughter time. But since it was a Mother's Day celebration and the kids were invited, I felt like I should have been included, especially as a mother in the family. I saw the pictures on FB and I teared up as soon as I saw I wasn’t even thought of. I even asked my husband to make sure he didn’t forget to mention it to me as you know how men can forget to mention those types of things and he said his mom never mention it to him and he was very upset about it himself but he feels since my MIL left me out I should be the one to have the conversation with her I also would have loved to spend time with my nieces and celebrate the day with them.

To make matters more frustrating, she made a big effort to celebrate Father's Day with my husband just a day ago. I always thought we were close and that she valued me as part of the family, but now I'm wondering if that's true. Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you handle it?

Its like cool I carried your grandbaby for 9 months pushed her out of my body and permanently changed my body but my husband deserves all the glory on Father’s Day and I don’t even get a freaking card on Mother’s Day. Not to mention I bend over backwards to make sure things are even between my mother and MIL. If anything the gifts I get my MIL may be a tad more than I get my own mom just to show I’m not favoring my own mother and because I appreciate her for being an awesome grandmother to my daughter. Besides even if you could make the argument that I’m her DIL and not her actual daughter sure but my child is just as much her GC as her daughter’s children are

AIBU to think my husband should have this conversation with my MIL instead of me?

I’m baffled. A mother spends Mother’s Day with her daughters and you think you should be there too. Your MIL is not your mother.
Unless there is some huge backstory OP you are being utterly unreasonable and rather over dramatic. You are not her daughter and she is not your mother.

This is absolutely batshit. Her daughter's obviously treated their mother to a meal out the same you did for yours. Why should she get you a card youre not her mother. No one has ever got me a card other than my children and I've certainely never expected one. I used to go visit my stepmum, go visit mother in law with dh and got visit my mum with gifts. It's mothers day not daughter in law day. His mum can get her son a gift on father's day if she wants. Just like your mum can get you one on Mother's day. She doesn't need to treat you EXACTLY the same, you aren't her child.

Do you have siblings?

Ten pages and 87% say you’re unreasonable, and yet you’re still insisting you’re right.
You sound very hard to live with OP.

Very good point.

@AlertHazelExpert I'll ask again.

Is this going back to Mother's day in March?

Yeah the weirdest thing in this is that she celebrated with her female children but not her male one. Next year, just do something with your husband and child and stick to that. Mothers Day isn't usually a day of just female celebration.

Is there a corresponding thread where OP bans her MIL from visiting the newborn baby because now they are a family unit and MIL isn't part of their family now?

You're not her daughter, she's not your mother & she doesn't have to include you in anything related to her own daughters.

That would make sense to say if your husband was invited to their Mother’s Day dinner without you.

but he wasn’t…

if anything, she views you as the mother her son should be celebrating on Mother’s Day and not her - which to my mind is how it should be

Sorry OP you're coming across as quite the narcissist here.

Even if you do continue to feel wronged, at least see the number of people here who don't think that's happened to see that your MIL won't have had any ill intent

Why my dc and not just her son? So I should be left out.

It’s not really that weird.
The daughters clearly went out of their way to plan something nice for their mother, the brother clearly didn’t suggest doing something or take it upon himself to make similar plans so why should his sisters always plan it for him?

You are being ridiculous here. I have had a mil for 37 years and have never spent the day with her. She spends it with my sil and sils children (when they were young). My now adult children have never once commented about spending the day with mil.
Surely it is normal to spend it with your own mum or children not your husband’s mum?

Nature left you out when you were born to a different mother. This woman is not your mother nor your grandmother.

Those kids were not invited by grandmother. Your SIL went to her mum for Mother’s Day and kids went along with their own mother. So think of it as a win-win celebration for SIL, she could celebrate with her mother and also with her kids.

Are you all the same nationality?

In some countries they celebrate all mothers on mothers day. In the UK and Ireland it's a celebration of your own mother and she's not your mother. You spent time with your own child. She spent time with hers.

You're coming across as hard work tbh.

"Why my dc and not just her son? So I should be left out."

If you want to be involved, you and your DH need to organise something for the mother. It's not for the mother to organise that people should celebrate her. And it's not for her daughters to organise a celebration for a person who isn't their mother - you.

It's mother's day. Isn't it up to your MIL's son (ie your DH) to celebrate her? Shouldn't he be making sure that he's treating his mum in some way and you as the mother of his young child? It's not really up to your MIL to be considerate of you or your child on a day that's meant to be about her. You're both going to look a bit bonkers if to you make a big deal out of this. PS I'd hate spending mother's day with my MIL and SIL. I'd far rather see my dd's face when she proudly brings me breakfast in bed then chill quietly with her and her dad for the day but you do you I guess.

@AlertHazelExpertwhat the actual fuck is wrong with you? You need psychological help, you need to be sectioned if this is how you view the world.

you’d be lucky to ever be invited to anything ever again if this is how you behave.

they did invite you and your husband declined so what’s the problem?? Get a grip before they all cut you off completely.

So, hang on, your MiL knew you DH was taking you and DGD out for a meal. Why would she disrupt this planned event to invite you to spend the day with her? YABU, she didn't disrupt your plans - that's entirely reasonable.

I’m having a party next week. You are not invited to that either.
Believe it or not, your existence doesn’t automatically mean somebody has to invite you.
If she chose not to invite you, she chose not to invite you. It’s literally that easy.

I think mil is quite a hard job, other people would feel she over stepped a boundary if she sent you a card and it’s your dh’s job. Just talk to her and mentioned you would like to come next time, or invite everyone out for lunch. Don’t make it a big drama

Did your mum get your DH a Father’s Day card? This is kind of fascinating to me- if my MIL got me a Mother’s Day card I’d be complete baffled 🤣. Equally if my mum got my DH a Father’s Day card I’d consider that totally odd.

Did your own mum get you something on Mother’s Day? Just trying to work out what’s traditional for you?

"Left out" of what?

You are not her daughter.

And you have your own mother.

The "family unit" that you believe is some kind of pass to muscle in on her Mothers Day, frankly isn't.

You sound jealous and looking for a slight.

But my child also isn’t her child but her GC following your logic

Not when she's being a maniac