Holiday offer revoked

[Singineletricdreams]

I am in the midst of a divorce from DH, which on the most part is fairly civil.

Although we don’t have any children together, I have 2 children from my previous marriage, and every summer we would go to the US and visit DH’s family. DH’s extended family would be there and it’s a lovely relaxing time, and there are lots of cousins etc for my kids to socialise with. They own several holiday homes in the US, and we would have our own house for 3-4 weeks.

Last week, I received a short WhatsApp message from his sister telling me they’ll miss not having the kids visit. This came as a surprise as I was expecting to go. Although DH and I are seperating, I don’t see why his family would want to cut of contact . I phoned DH to explain that we still planned to visit but was politely told not to come.

AIBU to think this is shitty behaviour?

It is possible to be friends with ILs after a relationship ends. I was and am, and my XH is with my family too.

It is based on a friendship separate to the one you shared jointly though. If you think this is possible then you can pursue it, especially if you think the DC would enjoy it. Your ILs need to want it too.

Going on holiday with your XH, with your DC, biological or otherwise isn’t that though. I doubt it would be relaxing for any of you, and confusing for the DC as they come to terms with their change of circumstances.

You have broken up OP.
Thats how it works.

Have I got a strong sense of Deja Vu or has this scenario been posted before?

Then presumably the issue isn’t the children. It’s you.

Whats so funny about op still being close to the family ? If they've been close over the years that doesn't mean that closeness dies , they were happy to host year after year and they all care about each other, so whats the issue? Is it because you'd prefer for them to be dysfunctional and nasty to each other instead ? You just sound like a hater to be honest.

obviously not that close if they had to spell it out that they didn't invite her...

The thread started by the OP is a clue here 😂

Who has said she’s still close to the family?

Yes they were happy to host their brother and his family. That doesn’t mean anything post divorce. The fact that she’s saying that so far her divorce is ‘fairly civil’ which usually indicates that’s not amicable.

Maybe you like tension filled holidays with two people separating their lives and who can’t be described as friendly or amicable. I can’t say that I’d be willing to spend weeks of my life in that situation let alone host.

Is this the next phase of the #bekind movement? You have to welcome in your family member’s exes or you are a hater?

How long they were married and how old the children were is totally irrelevant. Why would you ask?

Shitty behaviour? On your part, yes, to assume you are getting a free holiday. Pay your own way if it matters that much to you to go.

had you planned to go on the holiday too or did you think ex dh would take your kids away for a month? Both situations seem a bit odd but I can understand why you are disappointed for your children

I can confidently say that he won’t be continuing his relationship with his ex-stepchildren.

its v strange that you thought you’d still be invited. Or that you would want to go.

did you think your ex would want to holiday with you?

You can’t go to the Golf Club when you have cancelled your membership.

I know I'm late to the party here and I'm going to say what the majority say but in different words. It would be really nice of him, and ideal, if he continues to have a relationship of sorts with your children, and cross fingers he does.

But to expect to continue 'family' holidays in the US at the expense of his family is quite frankly a bit odd. A divorce means freeing yourself from marital ties.

He might marry someone else. You might. These 'holidays with your ex' will have to stop sometime. He's telling you now is the time and to be fair, he's right.

How could you think that is irrelevant?? If they were married a couple of years and the kids were teenagers, obviously the behaviour is totally reasonable. If they’ve been married a decade since the kids were babies/ toddlers then it’s awful for the wider family to cast the kids aside because the parents are divorcing

Soooo weird that you expected to go.

I don’t know why you expected to this go. You’re his ex. What were the circumstances of the split? Their allegiance is obviously with him as he’s family.

Precisely

The only way it would be normal for your kids to go would be for him to take your kids without you. That would be if he was planning on still being a parent figure to them that is.

No way is it normal for you to go if you’re breaking up!!

How long was he their stepdad and how old are the kids?

You’re getting divorced, of course he doesn’t want you there! Bizarre you thought this would continue.

Lol I think it's strange you were still expecting to go.. were you expecting to go on your own or with your ex?

I think you should turn up at their door anyway, suitcases in tow ready to spend the summer in their home as promised. I can't believe they had the audacity to suggest that you can no longer come. Why not get on a dating app while you're at it and find a bloke to bring along who would like an all expenses covered holiday in the USA? Perhaps see if any of your friends and their kids would like to take advantage of the offer of the free holiday! I don't think you should spend a penny while you're there either.

It would be strange of them to still include you and your kids in this OP, sorry. Wouldn’t you find it weird staying in a holiday house with your ex husband?

There’s enough details different that it’s not the same person, but a soon to be ex in my family thought like this. He was just turning up and using a flat belonging to our family members without asking, and it came out because he did that the same weekend my cousin had legitimately arranged to use it. Cousin turned up to find his soon to be ex BIL there and no one was impressed.