To think a lot of people regret having kids but are too ashamed to say it?

[ThatDenimLurker]

You can love your child and still mourn the life you gave up.

Who irons school uniform?

Who irons anything?

Ate out a lot. Tesco clubcard points paid for a lot. Years Merlin card membership, restaurant vouchers,. Or should I say the thief who stole my handbag and used my Tesco Clubcard for a few years (also paid for a 2 weeks beach holiday to the Red Sea)
After school activities usually meant we ate in the car a few nights per week

Only twice tried to do homework with my DS who couldn’t read or write at the time and in the end told the teacher that he couldn’t do any homework if it involved him writing because he couldn’t do that. I was told he had to as it was the National Curriculum. So we gave up trying to conform to the homework

DD used to do homework on the tube. Her senior school didn’t do academic work for half the week. (School specialised in more physical rather than academic lessons)

Agreed it very different

I feel this too. I love being a mother for the most part. The thing I dislike most is the anxiety that comes with a love so great. And the world I've brought them into.

Nobody should be doing their children's homework. If they can't do it independently then you need to speak to their teacher.

Just cooking for yourself is very different to having to cater to multiple people day in, day out.

Imagine having kids and then complaining about how boring it is to feed them though? This isn't like something that sneaks up on you, like colic that you've never even heard of until it brings you to your knees, feeding them is a known-known.

Because sometimes something like churning out meals does get relentless. Other times you've been looking at quirky meal ideas on social media and you feel enthusiastic.

I think relentlessness in general is something very difficult to accurately imagine when considering something.

I suspect it's an individual thing as much as anything, I just think it's a shame when I see people dedicating their lives to their kids and then feeling so sad when they grow up.

IL had worst case of empty nester and they did very few child related things - TBH seem to dislike being parents at least to a young child. I think it was very unexpected for all. They did rally and started new groups and hobbies and doing more travel.

If the sadness is the kick in the arse needed for people to make changes - probably a good thing. I think that may be why some posters post - to get ideas.

You can be sad and miss old life pre kids - and you can be sad about them moving on as they grow up - change and closing of chapers in life can be sad.

Our kids are late teens - so trying to get though exams send them off into the world enjoy last bit of childhood with them and think about our future plans. There's a mix of excitement about new opportunties for them and us and sadness about life changing at same time.

I mean, it's human nature to complain about things, lol. I knew that having a dog would mean he needed walking everyday, but that doesn't mean I don't moan about how grim it is in the pissing rain in the middle of winter.

I think it must be a very rare parent indeed who never ever complains about things like cooking meals, dirty nappies, mess, childcare etc.

Yes, you know it's going to happen but that doesn't make it easier to deal with!

@ThePhantomoftheEcobubbleOpera

some people do find food shopping and cooking boring though.
so what?

I just think the moaners occupy the floor. People who don't make a palaver about the small stuff aren't accounted for in the discussion about what it's like to be a parent.

Absolutely no different!

The idea that a mother has to enjoy every aspect of motherhood is really damaging and unrealistic.
I mean who actually likes cleaning shitty nappies for example? No one! And that’s ok! It doesn’t make someone a better or worse parent.

Yes, there's no need to romanticise every moment of motherhood, at the same time neither is it truthful or universal that your experience of being a parent is shaped by some joyless but inevitable jobs.

Of course it's bloody different

So far today I've had two cups of coffee and a biscoff croissant. I haven't had to worry about feeding anyone else, getting up on time to make sure they eat breakfast or to supervise them while they eat. I don't have to worry about sorting their lunch or snacks, or doing a food shop to accommodate multiple different people and their likes, dislikes and allergies.

I can just eat whatever I want, whenever I want, without having to think about anyone else's routine or tastes.

I like cooking and baking and DH always done a fair bit as well - but fatigue over family meals and packed lunches has slowly crept up over the years.

There are so many dislikes and preferences that change so frequently - eldest made a huge fuss if we got it wrong as well.

DH got fed up with doing Sunday lunch - and Christmas which we used to get excited about - so when Ds leaves we'll do a meal out a month and alternative one week and more pre-done things like veg.

Ironcially it's one of the things I'm looking forward to - occaionally coming home and not having to cook a family meal but just doing beans on toast or soup or something.

I think people need to be more honest about hard child raising is. People need to go into it with their eyes open. It's not for everyone. And women should not feel guilty or be judged for not wanting kids.

Well I can eat whatever I want whenever I want too - the kids fit into my life not the other way round! They eat whatever me and DH eat and always have done - if I am making a cottage pie example I make a whole one so they eat that I don’t do a different meal just for them! Yes I make their lunches for school but making a couple of sandwiches in the morning whilst I am making breakfast is hardly a reason not to have children!

My children have disabilities, cheeky.
If they want support and encouragement during homework, I'm available.
@RJ2025 ·
Do you not cook/eat daily? Surely it’s not only parents that have to cook/eat???

I do yes, my children have sensory issues and dietary requirements. I'm a vegetarian, DH eats meat.

You do know that people live different lifestyles depending upon their circumstances.

I adore my DC, we have lots of fun, but it is boring and mundane at times too.

Fair enough but my point was that just because you have children doesn’t automatically mean that you have to cook different meals/different foods etc - in your case it does but not in my family

I am Asian and in my culture we don't make separate meals. They ate what we ate.

Not everyone has succumbed to the cult of Annabel Karmel!

I dont regret having my dc but I regret the father, and putting his name on the birth certificate.

If the father was better and actually stuck to the things we agreed during pregnancy I wouldn't feel like that he stole the experience I wanted from motherhood from me.

If he stuck to what we agreed I wouldn't have given up much as he should be looking after his dc way more than he is.

The cooking thing is a bit of an odd reason not to have kids. And in response to the previous poster, I have a 3 year old and a new born and I've also had 2 cups of coffee and biscuits this morning!

Even before I had kids, I still had to plan and cook meals for me and my husband (well both of us cooked). I don't sit and worry and obsess about what my 3 year old eats. I know his likes and dislikes so planning meals isn't some ardous stressful chore. I cook one meal for the family and if he kicks up a fuss and doesn't eat it, then there's toast as an alternative. I'm not sitting cooking multiple meals each night. We still have nights too of freezer food and leftovers as well to reduce stress.

It isn't any different than what I was doing pre-kids!

I never said it was a reason not to have children.

I just said it's not the same as only cooking for yourself, especially when the kids are young and need to be fed at certain times.

I can also eat what I want when want. The things I cook for tea are the things I want to eat and last night me and my husband wanted a takeaway, so we had one when the toddler was in bed!