To not let my BD take my toddler away to see his side of the family

[MoonlightDream]

AIBU not to let my BD come take my DD away from me on short notice (less than a week) for a day on the weekend to see her grandma and aunt, when he doesn’t live with me and I’m not on good terms with his mother? The grandma wants to see DD after being away abroad for a month but she got BD to message me telling me he's "going to come and take DD" with no plans to when he'll take her back.

His mother is one of those business women that have very strong opinions about everything, including telling me how to raise my DD. She's is a shopaholic and loves to spoil DD with lots of things every time she meets (approx once a month) which I'm grateful for, but the problem is it's often too much, especially with limited space in my living situation. She's also forgetful, forgets what she bought previously or my failed feeble attempts to remind her and I end up with at least 5 or more of the same type of things, enough for twins or more! I'm not exaggerating when I say we had 10 baby blankets.

BD?

How old is DD?

"Baby daddy".

30

Oh, uh.

Thanks.

No idea.

20 months. Maybe for context I should add she just recovered from bad stomach bug this week.

There's a solution to all this. Say no, let him take you to court and get court ordered access. Then you'll know when you're having DD when your ex?/partner? (BD is not a thing on MN) is having her and you'll have to accept you have no say in what he does with her during his contact time with her.

If you're actually in a relationship with this moronic mummy's boy, who thinks there's no need for communicating with the mother of his child, I suggest you change that ASAP.

Either by dumping the loser and his control freak mother.

Or by, you know, growing up and living together as a family (since you are one if you're in a relationship and have a kid).

Then maybe you'd both stop treating the child as a toy or something to show off to other people. Making situations concerning her all about yourselves and how you both feel and what you both want. Instead of focusing on what's best for DD, which is what you should be doing.

There shouldn't be all this drama surrounding the raising of a child, it's unnecessary and makes you sound about 14yrs old. You're a parent FFS. Act like one and put your child's welfare first.

YABU

He’s 30.

How old are you?

I got lost at baby daddy - what’s wrong with daddy/dad/father?

In that case, I wouldn't let him take her. Especially for an unspecified amount of time. He either needs to confirm, with your agreement, that he's having her between X and Y day/time or he doesn't have her. Is he sporadic with contact or reliable?

It doesn't sound like she's unsafe for your child, it just sounds like you don't like her. She's your daughter's family as well, so yes, she should be able to go with her Dad to visit her grandmother.

See that's the thing, I don't know what to call it anymore. We've been together for 3 years but we live separately, and really in the last year he's only been coming over to help out 3 days a week with one of those days sometimes spent on hanging out with friends and Sundays is marathon training where he would come back in the afternoon, help for dinner routine and then leave to go back to his place.

Reason being it's easier (20mins quicker) to get to work from his place in the morning and he doesn't have his own "space" at my place because it's just a one bed flat. We did discuss moving in to his place which is bigger but it never worked out.

He has parenting rights . Yes, he can have his own child and take her to see his family . You just don’t like her .

She has DD's best interest in mind, I get it, but every time I've left her in her care, silly accidents happen and I find new bruises on DD.

DD's dad is on £70k a year but doesn't pay for any childcare support, he only helps me buy approx £60 groceries every week for me and DD.

Every time?

BD …….🤮.

You need to get visits timetabled and money sorted out. He should be paying more. He should see his DD but at agreed times.

Sorry, I can't edit that out anymore, basically he's the father of my child

Drip drip drip

Would it be worth getting a lawyer involved to have this set legally? Frankly I've gotten terrified of him in the last year, he was previously in the army and occasionally he uses that against me be in it shouting or physically dragging me through the store to get the shop done quicker because I was "taking too long looking at stuff" and 40mins isn't quick enough for a weekly shop

He should pay child support then. But he's still her father and if he went to court he would have regular time with her, during which he would be able to visit his family.

As they are unmarried, he only has parenting rights if he is named on the birth certificate..... (so is he, OP @MoonlightDream )?
Otherwise, he can;t call any shots.

That said if he is named as father on BC, then he should also be paying CHILD SUPPORT, especially as you said he earns decent money - so if he isn't forthcoming with that, put in a claim for it formally, for goodness sake!

Yes. See a family law solicitor. His attitude is not acceptable and it needs to be regularized. He doesn’t need to shop with you but he needs to pay what’s due for DD.

Exactly, was just about to post that.

OP, you seem determined to have posters completely agree with you. It doesn’t work that way.

you didn’t reply to my post when I asked you - ‘Every time?’.