Being labelled unreliable as a working mum

[Positivegirl]

I am absolutely working as hard as I can. Because I have to pick my child up from school I am now labelled as unreliable. I work extremely hard and I see colleagues at work completely slack, turn up late and not meet deadlines. I have been labelled as unreliable because I am a working mum. I don’t have another choice but to work, I let work know it’s half term but I still go hard I work 200% while my child is in half term and never miss a meeting or deadline. I do school drop off/pick up and run back to work. I travel for away days at work I run back to get my child and run back to the desk.

it’s never enough I’m doin the best I can and it’s heartbreaking to have people who don’t have children to tell me I’m not doing enough and that I am not reliable when I know I’m performing more than others. My project manger is always late, canceling meeting last minute and not meeting deadlines for us as a team to continue working. But I am unreliable as I leave to go pick my child up (in the hour that would be my lunch break as I don’t bother having lunch)

I feel like giving up I work for me and my child to give us a good life but I’m not doing enough there. Then in motherhood I’m working to hard.

im drained to the bone with judgment from both sides from people I know could not juggle what I do as a working single mum. Im fed up

Completely understand you predicament, same for me but I'm lucky to have a good and understanding relationship with my line manager.

How long is the pickup start to finish? What I do is use my lunch break to do the pickup, and any additional time I work late. Communicated and agreed with my line manager. He happens to be HR, otherwise I'd clear with them first too.

Sorry I've not read all your replies but is this a route you could attempt to take?

Also, I'd there a flex working agreement in your workplace you can explore?

You are not being unreasonable OP, it is so hard to find balance and maintain work and childcare. If you are getting your work done and there is no issue in terms of deadlines etc. then you are not the problem. You are not unreliable, you are a working mother who needs flexible working hours and allowance for time off. We live in 2025, we work remote, you shouldn't feel made to feel like shit as a working mother who is trying to find the balance. Don't let anyone make you feel like you're unreliable, if this continues I would put in a flexible working request and just block time out your calendar when needed etc.

Can you do a timeline op? So you drop child at childcare, go to work until lunch, pick child up from childcare then, what? Do you work from home and child is home with you? Do you take a late lunch and just work straight through then leave an hour earlier to get your child?

@Positivegirl , can you answer the question of what you do with your 2 year old in the school holidays if preschool is closed?

Despite people asking, the OP hasn't clarified this!

We are 'assuming' the OP WFH and also tries to mind her children whilst also working!
The OP also hasn't clarified if its just the 2yr old or other children. She refers to 'THEY' so I assumed 2 or more kids, but then refers to just the toddler?
She hasn't said her contracted hours either.

Any reply has been full of irrelevant waffle and not actually answering any of the pertinent questions asked, which we might be able to actually provide advice for!

Yeah, I thought this would have been asked already and instead of answering, she’s getting more and more frustrated with everyone 🤣😂

👏 I agree. As women we are expected to work, be perfect mothers, pay bills, rent/mortgages, jump through hoops! If the CEO is happy and she is fulfilling her duties, then there’s no problem. Be more assertive when it comes to your line manager OP, the CEO is satisfied with your performance, stand up for yourself! People suggesting she reduce her hours and claim UC… this woman wants to work and contribute! Why should she take a step back in her career (and pension) if she doesn’t want to? We should be living in an equal society and supporting each other to do so!!

I work 40 hrs I have one child and after school run little one is home with me. Dad not wish to be involved or pay.

there is no free after school clubs and I can’t afford out of hours child care. Family friend can not help

I calculated bein on universal credit. I won’t be able to cover rent food heating bills and emergencies.

im on my own so its my money to pay for living I also have furniture and fridge washing machine ect on monthly payment. As I had no savings to furnish.

hopefully this answers orioles questions

I think the issue is there is a problem with the line manager (who might actually be basing their views on feedback from the team) and the issue of the OP is unavailable in the afternoons which is part of the working day (she has not confirmed this however).
While the OP says they are able to meet deadlines, what we don't really know for sure is whether they are fully engaged in working with the team and if the rest of the team are picking up the slack during the afternoon when she becomes unavailable. We only know that meetings are mostly in the mornings, she is unable to attend anything short notice (due to childcare....yet if it is a normal working day most people would be able to attend as it might just be a change in location such as meet at the office which shouldn't be an issue) and that she has her phone on her in the afternoon if they do need to call.
If it was formally agreed then I am sure no one would have any issue. However it sounds like the OP has only said she is taking an hour out to pick up the child but in reality is then having the afternoon off as she has the toddler to look after as well as trying to work.
She says the CEO is happy with the arrangement, but I am not convinced they know how frequently (i.e. every day) she is not available in the afternoon. If all was fine then I am sure she could get it formalised and written down by HR. Then her line manager would not be able to fuss over it.

When I joined the company I moved over I told the CEO I would take the job with that flexibility. He said yes and was happy as he said he knows being a working parent is hard. My line manager we have ran it to problems before. I’ve had meeting with CEO and HR about it and she backed off. However any chance given a small thing that is usual in our work force becomes a big thing for me

The rest of the team is not picking up slack as we have our own clients and organise our own schedules

You're still not listening. No one said stop working and rely on universal credit. We said look into dropping your hours and getting topped up with universal credit.

You cannot work while looking after a toddler. Both your work and your parenting will not be good doing that.

I and plenty of others on the thread have been single parents of small children, and have had to make this work, you can too.

I just don't believe your CEO actually thinks you are looking after a toddler every day while being paid to work. That's not flexible working or family friendly working, it's taking the piss. Sorry.

Yes!! Thankyou!!!!!!!!! Exactly this!!!!!!!

So get it written in your contract.

If you are also meant to be doing 40 hours keep a record of when you are doing these. Some companies are also now monitoring time online so be aware of that too.

So your salary is too high that you can’t claim the UC top up on top of your wages then?
Look into tax free childcare this will give you money off.

You say your son is at preschool- are there no 8-6 childcare facilities near you or near to your workplace. When my son was smaller I found it easier to have him at the nursery across the road from work.

@Namechangetry i think your not understanding. If I drop hours or go to UC it’s not going to cover my monthly outgoings. I don’t see why you don’t understand

i have payment plans as I didn’t have upfront payments saved. So dropping hours means I’m not paying my bills

I have changed my hours to 9-3. Because it’s only 6 hours, I don’t legally need a lunch break, therefore I only technically drop an hour a day from a full time person, despite gaining 2 back. When I factor tax in, the drop in salary is minimal. Work were fully on board because it’s practically full time anyway.

I don’t think I could do what you are doing as I would always feel I wasn’t fully present for either work or my child- the two activities are too blurred.

Could you perhaps do something like this, but then gain the hours back by doing one super long day if the money is so tight?

This sounds good when you dropped your hours was your hourly salary the same ?

Do you claim tax free childcare for the bits you pay for to get money off?

You drop some hours and UC makes up the difference! So you end up with the same money but you have the time after preschool to look after your child. Instead of expecting your work to pay you when you're doing childcare.

Yes I get 15 hrs free at the moment

You cannot possibly be focussing on work with 2 year old around.

In your shoes I'd ask for a formal flexible work request to stop at 3 and log back on at 7 30pm & make up the additional 2 or 2.5 hours then.

Or ask to go part time. You might lose less money than you expect due to the tax etc.

You can't just not have childcare and basically only do part time hours while expecting paying as if you are working full time.

@Namechangetry UC deduct money plus tax and student loan, pension will come out. Which will as I said mean I can not over my outgoings as the top up won’t be enough

My salary was pro-rated to adjust to the lower hours. 30 hours/35 hours = 85% of salary. But I do 1 long day a week, so it’s actually 33/35 = 94% of salary. But because Im only just in the higher tax bracket, those last few hours I was working attracted a higher tax amount anyway so I’m not really losing out all that much