Being labelled unreliable as a working mum

[Positivegirl]

I am absolutely working as hard as I can. Because I have to pick my child up from school I am now labelled as unreliable. I work extremely hard and I see colleagues at work completely slack, turn up late and not meet deadlines. I have been labelled as unreliable because I am a working mum. I don’t have another choice but to work, I let work know it’s half term but I still go hard I work 200% while my child is in half term and never miss a meeting or deadline. I do school drop off/pick up and run back to work. I travel for away days at work I run back to get my child and run back to the desk.

it’s never enough I’m doin the best I can and it’s heartbreaking to have people who don’t have children to tell me I’m not doing enough and that I am not reliable when I know I’m performing more than others. My project manger is always late, canceling meeting last minute and not meeting deadlines for us as a team to continue working. But I am unreliable as I leave to go pick my child up (in the hour that would be my lunch break as I don’t bother having lunch)

I feel like giving up I work for me and my child to give us a good life but I’m not doing enough there. Then in motherhood I’m working to hard.

im drained to the bone with judgment from both sides from people I know could not juggle what I do as a working single mum. Im fed up

I pretty sure I stated the CEO said as long as the work is done that’s all that matters. I do my work and work out of hours. The CEO said to the whole team. if you’ve finished your work at three then leave as we trusted to organise ourselves. My line manger has a different energy to the CEO

I'm sorry things are so difficult. Unfortunately most jobs won't allow you work around childcare, this phase is very difficult but it is not forever.
Write an honest email your manager, lay down your situation, hopefully they'll bend to help knowing that you work hard.
Check out what benefits you are entitled to working PT, you will problem be better off working 20 hours, claiming credits, housingbenefit, with a plan to return ft when the baby is 5/6, you'll have wrap are care then.

You’ve avoided the questions about your hours and if you get help towards your childcare.

If you don’t qualify for UC, tax free childcare can bring your bill down a fair bit too.

I have flexibility from my employer but that’s around if I need to go to a school meeting, pick up my son early etc. I make up the time but I never work while looking after my son too, it’s not fair on either of us.

I can see both sides, but in all honesty, if you’re disappearing to do school runs and aren’t available, then looking after a toddler during work hours, then it’s probably fair that you’re judged as unreliable.

It is really not easy as a working parent, but unfortunately it’s up to parents to manage that, not employers! If you wouldn’t take your toddler to the office, you shouldn’t be working with them at home if you’re in sole charge of them.

I say this as a formerly unreliable employee, who had to work part time for 12 years, and take unpaid leave twice to cover school holidays. DH had to do the same, but it was his business so he had flexibility - I didn’t. I had to accept the career and financial hit and the fact I couldn’t work full time. And being the unreliable one because I had to cover DC sickness when DHs Big Job didn’t allow it. My male colleague was promoted automatically and I wasn’t even considered - twice! - because I was part time (and frankly my family was more important).

Fast forward though and I now earn double what DH does in his Big Job and am happily working full time. It doesn’t last forever, but it’s a long slog when you’re in it. And women do unfortunately tend to have it much worse than men.

Does the CEO actually work with you on a daily basis? Your line manager is most likely to be the one who is inconvenienced by you faffing around in the afternoon when you should be working.
Just on this thread you have said you can't always attend meetings, that is an issue. Maybe your line manager will report back to the CEO that you are often unavailable.

Just put in the formal flexible working request like everyone else.

If the CEO is happy with your work then they need to talk to your line manager and your LM then speak to your colleagues.

But it sounds like your LM has different expectations than the CEO ie. being available at short notice to travel away for work (FWIW, that would be unreasonable in most work places), or for last minute meetings.

Have you told your LM that the CEO is happy with your work?

Maybe you just need to grow a thicker skin. You are being judged but does that affect your pay or the job. If it works for you, why do you care what your colleagues think. The CEO employed you knowing your circumstances so what’s the real problem here

Pfffff, I wouldn't struggle to work with managers who have 'different energy' to each other. You need things to be open and clear.

But you haven't finished you work at 3pm if you are expected to be available to attend meetings. It sounds like the CEO doesn't know how your team works.

This is the culture / mindset of either the company &/or your colleagues. You have no control over that so it might not be a great fit for you.

Have you formally requested flexible working? That might be a route so at least your manager actually has to read the policy

I already said meeting take place in the morning it’s very rare to have an evening meeting and if we do I attend

I've worked with someone who did the school run daily. You might be making the hours up elsewhere but it's in the middle of core working hours for everyone else. That's an hour of the afternoon that you aren't available for calls and meetings. if anyone works an 8-4 type hours day then by the time you respond to them it's the end of their working day or they're working late to use your response. One-off appointments e.g. Dr's or dentist in the middle of the day are one thing but when it's every day it's taking the piss. I don't go expect to take my lunch at 10am to do a gym class or walk the dog!! Unfortunately you are the sort of person who gets working parents a bad name.

Surely the problem is that your diary is blocked out beyond the late lunch break. Part time work may work better for you.

You are arguing very strongly that your performance is fine and that the CEO has approved your working hours, so it sounds like this is just someone or a few people having a problem with that.

Tell them what you're telling us here. Stand up for yourself.

My diary is not booked out except the hour I go. I am not taking the piss as everyone knows my working situation. Even before I started they knew the arrangements. I stated the ceo a few times bur when I joined his team he even said it’s a good opportunity as I can work like that.

Kindly.

Your line manager is employed by the CEO for the day to day running of the department/ staff. They may have deliberately chosen this person with that energy and different approach.

If your line manager has raised issues around reliability/ availability I'd listen very closely and work with them on a solution.

Your CEO isn't going to protect you they might try and gather evidence to support what you and the line manager are saying. And then make a decision based on that.

In the end, they are running a business. They are there to make money. They pay you to help them to make that money. So if there are doubts about your performance/ money making the CEO will listen to the line manager first and to you later. Because even the CEO needs a payday like everyone else in that business.

I was ( and still am) a working single mum of 3 - I used childcare right up till year 9 for my eldest - they were 1,6 and 8 when I became single - benefits covered a lot of the cost - have you checked your entitlement?

The only person who has a problem with me is my line manger and I don’t work with them. Everyone I work with is fine with me. My project leader is a bit scatty and even they say I remind them of work THEY have missed themselves. I said before I am frustrated as I so work hard and all my clients are happy. It’s just frustrated when your going this hard and my line manger calling me unreliable when everything I’m doing is in line

@Positivegirlyoh sound in a right bind good for you for working to support your child BUT and it’s a big but, picking a 10 year old up from school for 10 minutes then working with them in the house is fine. A 2 year old??? Not a chance, in fact it would be pure dangerous to ignore them whilst you work or you are ignoring work whilst with the kid?

From September you will be entitled to 30 funded childcare hours. So I think it would be wise to plan using those and explain to your employer that this will be your plan so that you can pick up at 4.30, instead of 2.30. Financially this wouldn’t cost you more with the funded hours but it’ll be a better solution for your work.
It’s a nightmare being a working mum to a preschooler, and like you, I have a 2yo and no help from family. I work in a school so that holidays aren’t an issue, and I’ve planned nursery hours around mine. But I’m lucky that I can (just!!!) about afford it all. You could consider a job change to something more suitable. I have no idea how you are managing to be present in work whilst parenting solo a toddler, that to me is superhuman! So I can see why your work have an issue with this, but understand totally the frustration if the work is getting done on time…
Its time for a meeting where you compromise (upping nursery hours from September to coincide with the extra funding) and your work compromise to support this (let you finish early if you don’t take a lunch break, without kicking up about it). Good luck!

So one single person has a problem with you.
Were you having a bad afternoon? Because your OP is pretty dramatic (heart broken, giving up work, drained from the judgement).

I suggest arranging a meeting with your line manager, CEO and yourself, maybe HR if it’s available. See if you can come to some agreement. I’d suggest having a list of everything you feel you contribute, examples of how you go above and beyond. Acknowledge that you leave early for pick up, but give examples of how you balance that. This way everyone is in agreement of what is expected from you.

no one at work is part time everyone is full time. I’m concerned if I look for another job and go part time I won’t be able to afford living. Surely theres only so much top up UC can do and surely UC can not cover my monthly payments for washing machine fridge ect and bills in general

I would suggest when line manager said you’re unreliable you refer her to the CEO.

The CEO sounds like a good boss who respects work life balance and would rather the work is done than micro manage.

Maybe an email to line manager reminding her as per the CEOs agreement you take your unpaid lunch break between X and Y time and have that time blocked out on your calendar.

ask her if she specifically has concerns that’s you’ve missed deadlines or she’s just unhappy that as a parent you need a flexible working pattern?

How can you with a two year old? The CEO is understanding but obviously ignorant to how your team works if your line manager is unhappy. It would be better to come to an official arrangement where your calendar is blocked out while you’re looking after your child but you make up your hours another time. Otherwise it will cause resentment in your team.

You pay for full time daycare 7-6pm like everyone else does. I would not be happy if I was your line manager and you were working with 2 year old at home