Being labelled unreliable as a working mum

[Positivegirl]

I am absolutely working as hard as I can. Because I have to pick my child up from school I am now labelled as unreliable. I work extremely hard and I see colleagues at work completely slack, turn up late and not meet deadlines. I have been labelled as unreliable because I am a working mum. I don’t have another choice but to work, I let work know it’s half term but I still go hard I work 200% while my child is in half term and never miss a meeting or deadline. I do school drop off/pick up and run back to work. I travel for away days at work I run back to get my child and run back to the desk.

it’s never enough I’m doin the best I can and it’s heartbreaking to have people who don’t have children to tell me I’m not doing enough and that I am not reliable when I know I’m performing more than others. My project manger is always late, canceling meeting last minute and not meeting deadlines for us as a team to continue working. But I am unreliable as I leave to go pick my child up (in the hour that would be my lunch break as I don’t bother having lunch)

I feel like giving up I work for me and my child to give us a good life but I’m not doing enough there. Then in motherhood I’m working to hard.

im drained to the bone with judgment from both sides from people I know could not juggle what I do as a working single mum. Im fed up

I think we are missing some vital information.
Eg what are you contracted working hours and what is the notm
at the company regarding working hours / times for meetings etc?
There is nothing wrong with being a working mum, but you need to arrange your hours so it works for you AND the company. If you are trying to cram a 40 hour week into school hours and trying to make up lost hours in the evening, I can understand why they find your slack (even though you are working your ass off, you’ll never be able to work your hours properly with that set up). If the company has important meetings from 4 to 5pm and you can’t be there because you have to pick up the kids, I can understand why they say you’re slack, because your needs and those of the company don’t align.
So I would advice you to take a good look at what the company expectations are and what contracted working hours and ask yourself if it’s realistic. If it’s not, you need to sit down and discuss how it can be made workable (and that might mean you arranging someone else to pick up your kids). If it is realistic, you need to sit down with your boss and discuss why they say you’re slack when you think you are doing what you agreed to do. Communication and reflection is key here.

Here in uk they usually start from age 5. I have a 3 yr old currently that been told can't attend until 5 x

Like what, our fridge? Put the seats down in the car! We used a small folding garden table in our kitchen for ages. We used folding chairs instead of a sofa. The cot was free too - again, it fit in the car with the seats down. It wasn't the most fashionable of houses, but it did the job when he had small kids and no money!

Some people on the local free-giving Facebook page even offered to drop off for me, but I didn't have the need. I've dropped off stuff for other people before too (I gave a lady the cot and loads of other baby stuff when we'd finished using it, and offered to deliver as I know it's hard with a baby!).

Even though we hwve replaced a lot of our furniture now, we still use fb marketplace for aome things. Last week we even carried a free trampoline through quite a few streets to get it to the house!

Honestly, if you don't already use it, definitely worth a try! Got some beautiful sunbeds for our garden a few weeks ago, completely free, and they look amazing!

Well exactly. Like I said, if the OP is confident everyone's happy with the situation, there's no issue and no need for this thread...!

I didn't say 'everyone,' she had been labeled unreliable by one person and one person only, her line manager. She wrote the thread when she was confused by line managers label as no one else had any other issues.

Since the thread began there have been more conversations. These conversations confirmed OP's understanding that others were happy with her contributions including the CEO whose opinion is the one that ultimately matters and she quite rightly came back here to update on the NEW events to show all the comments about OP being a terrible employee were completely unjustified. And actually she had no reason to write the thread in the first place but she didn't know that at the time.

Just because the manager is unhappy does not mean they are correct. In fact the way they handled the situation is very poor form for a manager. Also it's quite clear the company promotes a flexible work approach if the manager can't cope with the company ethos that's on them.

As I've said before the company CEO clearly values OP as an employee hence their choice to accommodate her situation. It's a shame your employer didn't value you to the same extent but OP is entitled to use the flexibility her company offers her.

People will always find problems in solutions. Charity shop deliver as well. Also you could rent a van for like £50 quid. Or ask a friend to help you there are so many options but I suppose is easier to complain.

Well I don't know, I asked if the option was explored as the OP did not mention anything about this. Do you know she had difficulty in getting maintanance? How do you know that? Did she try? At the end of the day, is society responsable for someone's bad choices? As usually, is easy to find problems in solutions and any sensible sugestion and closed it down before is even explored, because "we don't know how hard it is".

You cannot (in this country) force a parent who doesn’t want to pay because the CMS is not fit for purpose.

Yeah exactly she’s taking the piss

I genuinely asked if the option was explored. OP did not mention anything about this so I asked. I googled and came with this
https://commonslibrary.parliament.uk/research-briefings/cbp-7774/
It is enforcable. You don't know untill you explore the option, you can't go "oh I won't botter coz CMS is shit" this attitude will take you nowhere

Oh my goodness.

The toxic positivity just keeps on coming.

Reading something on Google is not the same of thousands of women’s experiences with CMS. THE CMS IS NOT FIT FOR PURPOSE.

OP has already said that dad wants no involvement - and likely she will have tried CMS/pursuing it.

I didn't receive a Penny. Ever. And there was nothing I could do about it apart from cut my child’s losses and do the best I could with the cards I’d been given.

If you’ve not lived it, don’t try to tell others how to do it.

I asked if it was explored as an option. Stop the hate, is fine, seeiously. OP said dad does not want to pay, nothing more. You assumed the rest. Chill!

Collect and Pay is a service many parents have used to claim maintenance from an unwilling /uncooperative parent.
I know it has its limitations (self employed parents, those who leave the country) but it has helped for many.

Challenge is now ‘hate’?

Good grief

No. Not assumed - likely the scenario. Certainly a very strong possibility.

That does not equal certitude nor was it confirmed by OP. Hence, why I asked. Peace

I couldn’t agree more.

I cannot control if you decide to put words into my mouth.

I have 2 lovely chery trees the pigeons keep eating the fruit. Come here please and fight with them, you could get your fighting out of the system and I can keep my cherries. Win-win!

Really?

Not my problem if you put words in my mouth. And it’s perfectlg oj gif jd to point out if someone has.

Peace.

I did not put words in your mouth at any point. I said that is not certitude whether the OP seek this possibility, hence I asked. Op did not confirm she seeked maintanance. Hence, I asked, and you started arguing. Seriously, drop it, we will not come to am agreement and that is fine. We are allowed to have different opinion. I defended my statement you deffended yours. Good. Let it go, is all good with me. Look after yourself. Btw, the pigeons story is true, ny husband runs like a manic in the garden and my two very useless cats sit and watch him with amazement. Is quite hilarious! Peace 😊

And I apologise if I upset you.

There’s nothing to agree over.

It’s a fact that the CMS is not fit for purpose. The OP had already mentioned the sperm doner wanted to be NOTHINV more than one so she‘a more than likely already gone that route and found it’s not as easy as many seem to think it is unless he’s a willing participant in the process (if we had prison sentences etc for this shit like in many US states, that would be fabulous - but men are just allowed to get away with it over here if they wish to evade)

Why do you insist on having the last word?

Suggest additional cats from a local farm.

I don't, you won, I apologised.
P.S. farm cats would not be tollerated by my very useless cats, one of them is old and is very grumpy with his teritory. Except for the pigeons. Pigeons are fine creatures to watch from the safety of the decking, everything else he gets grumpy at!

In this day and age I disagree. It’s very common in my experience for companies to be flexible around regular commitments like school pick up etc. there are lots of businesses that value a happy, settled workforce and prioritise work life balance rather than just bums in seats.

It's not just the school pick up. It's the half hearted working from 3-5pm as she's multi tasking.

Companies might be prepared to flex to help parents but there's a line were they end up feeling they are getting the urine extracted from their goodwill.