Being labelled unreliable as a working mum

[Positivegirl]

I am absolutely working as hard as I can. Because I have to pick my child up from school I am now labelled as unreliable. I work extremely hard and I see colleagues at work completely slack, turn up late and not meet deadlines. I have been labelled as unreliable because I am a working mum. I don’t have another choice but to work, I let work know it’s half term but I still go hard I work 200% while my child is in half term and never miss a meeting or deadline. I do school drop off/pick up and run back to work. I travel for away days at work I run back to get my child and run back to the desk.

it’s never enough I’m doin the best I can and it’s heartbreaking to have people who don’t have children to tell me I’m not doing enough and that I am not reliable when I know I’m performing more than others. My project manger is always late, canceling meeting last minute and not meeting deadlines for us as a team to continue working. But I am unreliable as I leave to go pick my child up (in the hour that would be my lunch break as I don’t bother having lunch)

I feel like giving up I work for me and my child to give us a good life but I’m not doing enough there. Then in motherhood I’m working to hard.

im drained to the bone with judgment from both sides from people I know could not juggle what I do as a working single mum. Im fed up

Also well done for putting your career before your children. Nothing like having a career knock!

Live in minus and debt, but whatever you do maintain career and status…Got it ✅

It's better parenting to have children in childcare where they're cared for and attended to than leaving a toddler to amuse themselves for hours on end while you try to work. Then you're a bad employee and a bad parent.

Oh my goodness this made me laugh out loud 😅 I love how binary your two options are, as they are the only two possibilities in the world 🙈 Has the OP said that she and her children will be malnourished if she does not use her paid working hours to look after her 2 year old instead?! Missed that bit!

Okay. You asked for options. I've been there and it's tough, sure, but there are so many ways to weather those early years without needing to neglect a child or scam an employer.

How about she makes a choice between working or paying for childcare rather than neglecting her child or her job by trying to do both at once?

If she finds herself short or money, how about she increases her earnings by undertaking some additional online work when her child is asleep in theevenings? (My husband and I both did that and it helped keep us afloat! We worked very hard for a few years).

How about she explores universal credit options (already suggested on this thread) if she is genuinely struggling to that extent (you suggest that she and her kids will end up malnourished if she doesn't use her working hours to look after her kids 🙈... )

How about she explains where the father and his financial support fits in?

We personally chose to get in to (some) controlled, managed debt to pay for our (very extortionate) childcare, knowing we would claw that back when the kids were in school - which we now have. We didn't have to choose that option but felt it was the best way for us.

Sooooo many options 👌

So, everything is great!

What’s the point of this thread?

This, 100%
OP, taking advantage as you're doing - and we're talking whole school holidays here, not the couple of hours a day during term time that you take for school pickup and looking after your toddler on work hours - is what makes it so much harder for other working mums.

It's called long term financial planning and was about my children's financial future rather than status 😅 As I say it's worked out extremely well for us and was a brilliant decision for us. And actually, we are not in any debt at all now. We're all flourishing in fact.

Can 2 years olds go to holiday clubs?

Exactly this. 💯

I admit I haven't read the entire thread or all of the updates.

But my understanding is that you were offered the job by the CEO full in the knowledge that you had a child and are the sole care giver and that you could have flexibility with your hours and as long as the work is done, it doesn't matter what time you do it.

That's fine, that's basically me. I often meet a friend for coffee if I am not busy in the morning, but then work in the evening if I need to. It's not everyone's cup of tea, but it works for me.

The problem is your line manager who takes a different attitude, but backs off when CEO gets involved.

So my suggestion would be to respond to the next message from your line manager, reiterate the terms on which you were offered the job - state clearly how you are meeting your targets and deadlines, and copy the CEO into the reply.

I would suspect not. Oddly the OP seems to have chosen a term time only nursery- not sure why, if her job isn't tern time only...

Haha good question!

In that case OP, if everyone's happy there is no issue, right...?

Indeed.
op had a moan.
her set up seems to be approved by her CEO.
She’s told us the work is getting done and child is cared for.

Its odd - she’s defending herself when seemingly she doesn’t need to at all.

I suspect OP is glossing over a lot of the issues...

Okay this is crucial. So, in the spirit of trying to offer you genuine support, OP, which is what you asked for after all - it sounds like this is something that makes a significant difference.

So you have no partner. But who's the father of your child? Surely you are getting some financial support from him? If not, why not? If it is not sufficient to covet necessary childcare (and I'm afraid while you are at work, childcare IS necessary - partly for their safety and development) - why not? This sounds like a massive area for you to tackle.

Do you think?! 😂😂😂

The only holiday clubs I've ever seen near me are school age only, and several don't take reception age.

I wonder if the OP has actually done a full summer/more than a half term with a toddler at home. The answers she is giving are so frustrating. There are other single working mothers of toddlers on this thread, and those who have said being forced to WFH with a 2yo in covid was unsustainable but OP seems to think everyone else has a partner and/or unlimited funds for nursery.

To all those who are accusing posters of trying to tear OP down- no one thinks she should not work, or that she's a terrible employee, or that she isn't doing well to provide for herself and her baby, but you're not really considering full time work + having a 2yo at home for your entire working day are you.

I’m still responding now because some random narrative of neglect has come from somewhere.

who I being neglected that a massive assumption to make

plus I guess it’s like therapy battling angry Mumsnet commenters who reinforces the patriarchal ideas against mothers.

Even if there is a holiday club for 2yos (I've never seen one, but Google shows some do exist), you'd probably be better off using a day nursery. At least your DD would get continuity of care and in September when you get more funding you can up her hours.

Her employer doesn't sound scammed though. They sound very happy. In fact it sounds like the entire company benefits from the flexible nature of the company.

You actually sound jealous that OP has a flexibility that your employer was unwilling to give you. You could argue that is an indicator that OP's employer values her contribution far more than your employer valued yours.

Her employer is happy. Her manager is not. She gets her work done, but she is not reliable for the person she is directly responsible to. I personally wouldn't want to push my luck too much with my manager who may start to make more fuss eventually....

You keep going on about the patriarchy.
Your CEO supports you managing your work around your care needs.
What more do you expect?
If someone is giving you beef about it then stand up for yourself.

The manager can take it up with the CEO then.

I think you missed the part where I said my line manger has a problem and never has evidence to back it up. No luck has been pushed as that’s the agreement.

Also everyone has some flexibility to promote work life balance

I have they back off then it starts again.

''I guess it’s like therapy battling angry Mumsnet commenters who reinforces the patriarchal ideas against mothers''

Good grief.
OP, it's hardly ''reinforcing patriarchal ideas against working mothers'' to point out that looking after a toddler on your own during the whole of the annual school holidays whist proclaiming to be working full time hours during this time is taking advantage.
YOU are the problem here, not your line manager.