Being labelled unreliable as a working mum

[Positivegirl]

I am absolutely working as hard as I can. Because I have to pick my child up from school I am now labelled as unreliable. I work extremely hard and I see colleagues at work completely slack, turn up late and not meet deadlines. I have been labelled as unreliable because I am a working mum. I don’t have another choice but to work, I let work know it’s half term but I still go hard I work 200% while my child is in half term and never miss a meeting or deadline. I do school drop off/pick up and run back to work. I travel for away days at work I run back to get my child and run back to the desk.

it’s never enough I’m doin the best I can and it’s heartbreaking to have people who don’t have children to tell me I’m not doing enough and that I am not reliable when I know I’m performing more than others. My project manger is always late, canceling meeting last minute and not meeting deadlines for us as a team to continue working. But I am unreliable as I leave to go pick my child up (in the hour that would be my lunch break as I don’t bother having lunch)

I feel like giving up I work for me and my child to give us a good life but I’m not doing enough there. Then in motherhood I’m working to hard.

im drained to the bone with judgment from both sides from people I know could not juggle what I do as a working single mum. Im fed up

Well sure, but she needs to ask for it and have a plan and it needs to work for her employer. Maybe there are meetings she should attend from 3-5pm? Maybe this job actually involves evenings or weekends or travel when she was hired and they keep having to adjust around her? Maybe it's just a bad fit and she should find someone who is happy to have a more results focussed approach than an hours of working approach. It sounds like she has been making her own hours for quite a while but can't be sure how everyone else is getting affected as she's never had a formal arrangement or a formal agreement of any of this.

Lucky you!! This isn’t the situation for many others… you may need to work on your empathy skills and ability to see things from others people’s perspectives, especially those who are less fortunate than you.

It makes it harder for all mothers tbh

I already said I have my child after school

Why do you call it school? 2 year olds are toddlers and don't go to school!

Yes, it's a big part of the problem.

I gather from OP'S posts that she's only available via mobile phone during & after pick up with a toddler in the background.

This can cause all sorts of issues if colleagues or supervisors need to reach out to her. (Her line manager not having children or being described as incompetent/ jealous is a red herring! Sam as saying the CEO is on her side- all worthless without a written backup.)

I think there is flexibility- making up 2-3 working hours in evening/ early mornings- and piss taking: looking after DC during holidays or in the afternoon and still calling ir working on a daily basis. Because that's what OP is doing.

People who pick up their children then watch them after school whilst ‘working’ irritate me as someone who pays for after school childcare. Presumably you can see that? What if you had to be in an office, as a lot of people do now?

It's my biggest work irritation too.

I'm unsure what you mean by UC deduct money? They don't touch your take home salary, just provide a top up over that if you're entitled. What's your current salary, monthly rent and childcare cost?

Interesting show today on BBC Woman’s Hour today relating (loosely) to this topic. Anyone interested can listen on BBC Sounds.

I don't think it's fair to be officially working with young kids at home. It's not fair on your colleagues and it's not fair on the kids. Being treated differently to colleagues who can give work their full attention in this time isn't being treated unfairly. If the kids were teenagers and looked after themselves after school then that's completely different. If you're just doing the school run and then have childcare in place for after school until you log off that's different too. I get it's difficult but you couldn't have them with you in the office so shouldn't be able to do the same WFH. It gives those who work from home a bad reputation.

I am so lucky. WFH full time in an incredibly flexible job, which I also love. After the stress of being made redundant from my job of 23 years, followed by months of interviews and rejections, i am still a bit imposter syndrome about how I have won the work jackpot
I don’t need that flexibility anymore as my kids are grown up, but I love how the parents of young children on my team are trusted and allowed to shuffle work around child commitments
we are a really hard working, dedicated team who all want to do our best because we know how lucky we are

but I love how the parents of young children on my team are trusted and allowed to shuffle work around child commitments

Do any of them only have childcare for a few hours a day, and none in the school holidays?

Agreed. There’s flexibility towards parents which is awesome, and then there’s zero childcare for a 2 year old over the entire school holidays!?!

Picking up older primary age kids and letting them watch tv while you finish up the last hour of your day or log on later in the evening is flexible.

Im not sure how it’s actually possible to work any semblance of a 40 hour week with a toddler with you all day every day over the holidays?

If your CEO is happy then just ignore your line manager and keep doing what you’re doing!

I also think it's one thing looking after school aged kids for an hour or two after school while working.

School kids will sort a drink, toilet themselves, raid the biscuits, watch telly. And might even go and play with pals. Even if they aren't quite old enough to be left home alone.

Pre-schoolers need much more parental input. And really not fair to be trying to juggle them and work.

And TBH I don't think it's fair on primary kids to be left watching telly all day in the school holidays.

I love how the parents of young children on my team are trusted and allowed to shuffle work around child commitments

'Flexibility' to nip off from work and take your child to the dentist or pick them up from school when they've been sick is one thing.

I don't think it's being 'flexible' to have inadequate childcare during every working day and then NO childcare for 13 weeks a year during the holidays. That would warrant a disciplinary or termination of contract in many jobs.

Everyone is presenting this from the point of view of the OP getting her work done and offering to do work in the evening etc. Depending on what her role is though, she might not work completely independently like that. I have freedom to “choose” my own hours so long as the work gets done. But a significant part of my job is working with other people. I can’t do that properly after my child goes to bed, or over the weekend. Even if I think I’m being productive, the organisation as a whole wouldn’t function properly if people can’t collaborate because everyone is working completely different hours on individual tasks in little silos.

And for holidays, not getting childcare in place is completely unacceptable. You can’t work effectively with a 2 year old, it’s unsustainable. I did it for a few months during the first lockdown because I had no alternative, and was a rubbish worker and a rubbish parent during that time.

This sounds like your employers problem and not yours. Start looking for another job. Find an employer who appreciates and values you.

Plenty of people where I work leave to do the school run. We just work around them.

Stand your ground and ask for any grievances they have to be documented - I bet they wouldn’t stand up to a tribunal!

I would suggest looking into civil service jobs. Most are flexi time which is great for working parents and there are lots of family friendly policies too

Assuming nothing else happens from 230-330pm then I’d have no issue having a member of staff take a late lunch break every day. Annoying to work around at times I’d think but not a problem necessarily. I’d have a massive problem paying someone a full time wage who isn’t available after 230 every day.

We have a contractual clause in contracts of employment that you cannot work from home if you have unsupervised under 10’s at home. The ability to work from home may be withdrawn if this is breached.

Wow I'm not a parent and the judgement coming from other parents is absolutely disgusting. So you got it figured out. Woopy do. Have a gold star.
This lady was asking for support not much is it.
She already said she goes above and beyond. Something her colleagues with out children don't seem to do. Coming in late. Not finishing tasks. Causing deadlines to be missed.
Does anyone not read the original post.
I see that she's being penilised for being a parent and all you lot of haters turn it towards her like she's "making us look bad".
You ought to look bad. Because your not nice. Hold a mirror up to yourselves and say what you put in here and see how that feels