Being labelled unreliable as a working mum

[Positivegirl]

I am absolutely working as hard as I can. Because I have to pick my child up from school I am now labelled as unreliable. I work extremely hard and I see colleagues at work completely slack, turn up late and not meet deadlines. I have been labelled as unreliable because I am a working mum. I don’t have another choice but to work, I let work know it’s half term but I still go hard I work 200% while my child is in half term and never miss a meeting or deadline. I do school drop off/pick up and run back to work. I travel for away days at work I run back to get my child and run back to the desk.

it’s never enough I’m doin the best I can and it’s heartbreaking to have people who don’t have children to tell me I’m not doing enough and that I am not reliable when I know I’m performing more than others. My project manger is always late, canceling meeting last minute and not meeting deadlines for us as a team to continue working. But I am unreliable as I leave to go pick my child up (in the hour that would be my lunch break as I don’t bother having lunch)

I feel like giving up I work for me and my child to give us a good life but I’m not doing enough there. Then in motherhood I’m working to hard.

im drained to the bone with judgment from both sides from people I know could not juggle what I do as a working single mum. Im fed up

How much work could you have done in the time you have been on this thread?

Everything has its price as you are slowly finding out.

@DancefloorAcrobatics not sure if your comment was supposed to come across so dark 👻

Yup. She did this for a year and then was thankfully able to find a childcare solution. I didn’t like it for her either

You are so rude and entitled. Your manager can see it, just because you finish your work, doesn’t mean that you can slack off, you find something else to keep yourselves busy until you officially clock off.

I often do if I have lunch at all - I work with schools and colleges and can hour long meetings from 9-2pm so 3 is my first break (unless I have social care meetings) - it’s not uncommon

''p.s there’s nothing
wrong with wanting the best life you can have. If you can have it then why not have it''

Well yes, but you are taking advantage here and obviously need to sort your childcare out going forward.
Effectively finishing at 3pm daily instead of 5pm and looking after a two year old full time during the 16 weeks annual school holidays, while claiming to be working full time during these times is a you problem and not a line manager problem.

I'm a bit confused as to why you keep saying school op - your child is 2 so not at school, is there a reason you don't say nursery or whatever??

I have thank you very much

She is really not explaining herself very well. If her line manager is talking about being 'unreliable', there has to be a reason which OP is not giving us unless they are unaware or do not approve of the school pick up situation.

Sounds like your project manager is deflecting attention from their own poor performance onto you, as an easy target.

So you’re that important we could all figure out who you are????

unless you have sore fix tasks to do on specific days and nothing else, you can’t say all your work is done by the time you collect your DC. There will always be some work you could be doing - so you should be doing it, not provide childcare for your DC. If you can work (productively and reliably) and look after a DC at the same time then the whole child care business would be obsolete

So every school holiday you get paid…….but are actually providing full time child care for your 2 year old?………….abd you think the rest of your team don’t resent this? Just because they’ve not said it to your face doesn’t mean it’s not noticed

But only 3 people in the business have children?

So your broad "no-one uses after school childcare" applies to just 3 people (2 of whom seem to be male and probably have partners?)

I think you’ll find that this lovely wonderful construct has never ever been true.

If it were then for starters, in our wonderfully civilised society, men would be MADE to actually put in 50% of all costs (financial, physical, emotional, time etc) of raising a child)

The state sees fit to ask him for a fraction of the cost (if you’re lucky) and none of anything else.

It has NEVER been the case that the expectation is that men do theif equal share of the unpaid shit work. Ever.

Agreed. Sorry to break it to you CantHoldMeDown, we live in an unequal patriarchal society, sadly. I do feel misogynistic undercurrents in this thread.

Here's a few things you could do to take the heat off you:

1.Put a child maintenance claim in via CMS

1. Depending on your salary, see if you're eligible for universal credit https://www.gov.uk/benefits-calculators

1. Put it in writing that you're taking your lunch break at a later time for wg 3-4pm
2. Not ideal but from 4-5pm put some TV on for dd while you work in the same room
3. You could schedule emails to go out between 4-5pm
4. See if you can club together with some other parents to do a nanny share
5. You say you have no family, is this because they're too far away or estranged from you?

.8. You could go p/t & top up via universal credit

1. Make sure you're receiving all the benefits you're entitled to if anything https://www.gov.uk/universal-credit

The problem is @Positivegirl you're working part time hours on a full time salary, this is the issue you're colleagues are objecting to.

So you either go p/t with the salary adjustment for the hours that you're actually working.

Or you work the hours that you're actually being paid for.

I don't think the problem is using your lunch break to collect your child, it's the fact that you are then doing your paid work whilst looking after your child.
If you fetched your child during your lunch break and dropped her off at a childminder's then nobody would be justified to call you unreliable.

Not being able to travel overnight or a long distance requiring longer days due to not having childcare after your contracted work hours is legitimate as long as doing so wasn't required in your contract.

It's only working for pay whilst doing your own childcare for a wide awake toddler that's a problem - in effect you're doing two jobs at once during the afternoon.

This. And just saying ‘but I’m a mother’ is neither here nor there. It doesn’t change anything.

Sorry, I haven't read all the replies but if you are a single parent then you maybe entitled to universal credit ( depending on income.) If you are entitled to universal credit then then you can claim 85% towards your childcare. You just put in your childcare invoice and the next month you get the money back.

What it does is make it harder for working single mothers who actually do pay for expensive childcare for our full working hours and get on with our jobs when we're getting paid to do so instead of expecting work to pay us while we're looking after our child. Employers judge us by the OPs standards and think we'll all take the piss like she does. Making life harder for those who don't take the piss.

Exactly this! Behaviour like this is so damaging to women. It is perfectly possible to be a mother and be reliable at work, the same way it's possible to be a father and reliable at work. I think/hope very few women try to work whilst simultaneously care for a toddler. It's unprofessional and in the long run it will make emplyers hesitant to employ women of childbearing age. OP seems adamant though that she is being discriminated against simply for being a mother but can't see that she is a big part of the problem.

Big part of the problem? Or not being supported enough by her employer, where they could make reasonable adjustments? The problem isn’t the OP, it’s societal, also cultural within her organisation. She has previously said she’d willingly work well into the evening after her child has been put to bed… so she clearly isn’t work shy, which is what some people on this thread seem to be eluding to.