Being labelled unreliable as a working mum

[Positivegirl]

I am absolutely working as hard as I can. Because I have to pick my child up from school I am now labelled as unreliable. I work extremely hard and I see colleagues at work completely slack, turn up late and not meet deadlines. I have been labelled as unreliable because I am a working mum. I don’t have another choice but to work, I let work know it’s half term but I still go hard I work 200% while my child is in half term and never miss a meeting or deadline. I do school drop off/pick up and run back to work. I travel for away days at work I run back to get my child and run back to the desk.

it’s never enough I’m doin the best I can and it’s heartbreaking to have people who don’t have children to tell me I’m not doing enough and that I am not reliable when I know I’m performing more than others. My project manger is always late, canceling meeting last minute and not meeting deadlines for us as a team to continue working. But I am unreliable as I leave to go pick my child up (in the hour that would be my lunch break as I don’t bother having lunch)

I feel like giving up I work for me and my child to give us a good life but I’m not doing enough there. Then in motherhood I’m working to hard.

im drained to the bone with judgment from both sides from people I know could not juggle what I do as a working single mum. Im fed up

most Of us work from home. I’ve finished my work before the end of the day. Am I supposed to sit and count the air ?

But that isn't what you said earlier. You implied you are picking the child up at lunchtime which fits in with you saying you only get 15 hours free (so you send them mornings only).

What are the actual hours your child is in nursery?
It's a big difference if you are picking them up at 5 compared to picking them up at 12.

Great advice 👏
I’ve spent so much energy worrying about what others think/how they judge me. I feel as I approach 40 I’m learning to give less of a damn… if I know in myself I am performing as best as I physically can, then that’s all that matters, I’m slowly learning to have more self confidence and self integrity. People without children don’t have a clue what a single mother has to juggle, physically and emotionally, I have so much respect to these incredible women 🫡 one day they may know and they will be humbled!
OP it sounds like you are doing an amazing job. Try to rise above it and keep that precious energy for what really matters and is important!

You're doing your best, and it's hard! I thing the best way to go would be to agree on soecific flexi hours with your manager, so you can prove to them you are doing your 40h in a week (just slightly different than 9 to 5/6). Also, make sure that you remind them you don't miss deadline and target, which is what it is all about. Agree to a schedule that fits both you and your manager, and give yourself some grace. Solo parenting is fucking hard work!

You can’t look after a 2 year old and work, especially in school holidays if they’re there all day.

What happens if the child does a poo/ needs a poo, falls over, has a tantrum etc during a teams call? You either have to leave the teams call or neglect your child.

My children are 10 and 8 and I still try not to ever WFH with them there because although they’ll listen and not disturb me most of the time they really should have an active parent around when they’re home. Obviously snow days, sick days are different but when they were toddlers I’d have asked for carers leave as I couldn’t care for a toddler and work.

Hi @Positivegirl
just rereading again - I’ve commented earlier as well.
I can see your money is tight and you have no help.

Another option is can you get to know any neighbours or other mums from the nursery group who could help on one or two days and then you help them at weekend or other days??
like trying to form a network of mums on a similar situation to you nearby and you support eachother through time and not money? Is there a community FB group you could post on? Or another mother in the pre school? I appreciate it’s hard when they’re so young?
is there a nursery that stays open until 6 near you?
are you working from home?.

What about the other 50 weeks of the year? Please return back to your manosphere mansplaining land… so dismissive!!!! 🙄

You seem to have quite a chippy attitude, perhaps colleagues/managers noticed this along with resenting working longer than you for (presumably) the same money.

I hear you OP. The problem isn't you, ,it's your line manager. Your CEO and (presumably) HR are happy with this arrangement, but your line manager isn't? I can't work out whether they've actually said something or are just making your life difficult?

Do you have everything in writing? Do you have the written agreement of your CEO and HR to this working arrangement? If not, maybe CEO or HR can confirm it in an email.

And then you need to get HR's support for the way your line manager is treating you. Start keeping notes of every interaction - including 121s and catch ups. Make sure you have written, measurable, objectives, and how you're meeting them each week/month.

fwiw, your child will be at school before you know it, and then things will get (slightly) easier.

Do you have any email trail of this OP? Trying ringing pregnant then screwed for advice.

One positive thing OP - from September I assume you should be eligible for 30 free hours instead of 15?

OP if it's just you, are not eligible for UC help? Both my husband and I work (he for himself and me part time) and recieve a UC top up - this is mainly because our son is disabled, so we have additional elements in it due to him receiving disability. You can claim back some of your childcare costs, which might in turn mean you can put him in nursery for more hours. There's a website that can help you work out how much you could claim

Most people with 2 year olds and a job will have them in a full time nursery 8-6. Pre school style hours aren’t compatible with a full time job.

I have every sympathy with you trying to work as a single parent but your manager is right to be concerned and I wouldn’t be happy if any of my direct reports had your set up.

You aren’t paid by the volume of work, you are paid by the hour. So you clearly have the capacity to do more.

every work dynamic is different. We have a 10 am meeting and my project manager will be in the shop during it. The message has always been as as the work is done. The reason it’s like that is because when we have heavy work we will work unsociable hours. So the light times make up for the hard under the same ‘contracted hours’ even if it is longer or shorter than contracted hours

I’m a paid salary. So I could finish at 9pm if it was a heavy day

She can’t be doing her hours while looking after a two year old unless she’s ignoring the child.

How do you manage on a heavy day?
Surely working to 9 should be an average day if you aren't working afternoons.

Sorry but this is beginning to sound farcical and I can completely see why your line manager is fed up with you.

I hardly say anything to my line manger so there is no reason for her to to be fed up. I just get on with work and keep my head down

I’m sure I would need to be told this first ? I’ve been there two years and moved to a higher role. Never had a problem with a manager until having this one

This is why thousands of women leave the work force every year.

Are you paid by the hour? If so you need to work those hours, I have targets and some days smash them by 10am but I ask for more work and I’m expected to work for the hours I’m paid.