Partner spent my money and lied

[Lilly1812]

So i gave some money to my partner to keep in his savings account as he has a higher interest. I tried to open the same account but was denied. This is an inheritance given to my children by their late grandmother. I finally opened an account in their names and asked for the money back. He gave me different stories for a week. At first he said he has put some in a fixed term account so I said log in on ur app and let me see . He said no! Meanwhile he allowed me to see just a week before. This got me thinking that he has perhaps used some of the money. I asked him to tell me the truth but he insisted the money is there but he will transfer it when he's ready and he won't let me see his app either. After some back and forth and him making me very upset, he transferred some of the money. It is left with £5000. I asked him why he can't complete the transfer but he said he will do it. I persuaded him to just let me check to make sure he hasn't used it. He finally opened the app and I only saw £2000. I confronted him and he said he gave £3000 to his friend to invest in something and he should get it back by the end of the month. I'm so disappointed he lied to me for so long and also used my money without asking me. What can I do if I don't get the money back? I'm not talking to him as of now .

he's gambling surely?

If he was doing drugs he wouldn't be keeping it to spend it later - he wants to spend the 2k to gamble it to get the other £5k back.

Tell him you know about the gambling and say you need the £2k back now, and you can talk about getting him. (nicely nicely)

Once you've got the £2k back fuck off and don't look back!!! I would say that £3k will be well spent - every time he tries to get back together with you, ask him where your £3k is. There is no chance he will save this money to repay you long before you forget about him. Imagine how much you spend on him through takeaways, nights out, christmases and birthdays etc. Try not to think too harshly of yourself, to get £12k back is pretty good going.

I wouldn't say everyone whose partner is a gambling addict should leave - but you said you've known him 15 years and he's not trustworthy. You don't need to hang around whilst he changes his life - because there's no guarantee he will.

2% interest in an account you control is a much more reliable investment than 4% in the account of a man you say has repeatedly let you down.

Wtaf. This gets weirder and weirder.

Executors do not get sent the money to pass on. A solicitor would send it on to its rightful owner.

At this point your kids have a case against you legally for handing their inheritance to someone else when you were executor. All for 2% of interest over a short period of time. Absolutely bonkers.

Threads like these show me how awful people can be. It’s like some of you have never heard of coercive control or how years of abuse can grind you down and leave you believing everything someone has to say.

By all means, let’s berate someone further (just like the bf) and see if that exhorts her.

He’s not mistaking your kindness for weakness, you are being weak. Find your fighting spirit and deal with this man, anxiety and all

He's cheated on you, lied to you and now he's screwing his own children out of money. Obviously you know that there's not a chance in hell he'd look after you, so stop pissing around, take him to a small claims court and dump him. No excuses, no pity party.

Okay, let's look at it a different way - you've been brave enough to talk about it here to strangers. So could you talk about it to other strangers, where it would also be anonymous? Like a helpline for women who are struggling to get away from their partners? It would be the same safety except people who know how to help you think about things differently.

Yes a £300 difference if it was for a full year but who needs a year to open a savings account. Say it takes a month then loss of interest would be £25. A real incentive to hand £15k to someone who's let you down repeatedly.

Well it certainly shows some parents don't prioritise their kids.

Cool, super helpful comment.

Your posts were some that I reported.

It’s not unreasonable to think their own father wouldn’t do this. The clue is in how horrified people are at what he’s done: it’s unfathomable.

Now back to berating the OP.

Well you’ve clearly not posted for advice, on the basis you’re ignoring literally every piece of advice here.

Get him to transfer the £2k NOW and give him a deadline for the remaining £3k. If that doesn’t materialise, kick him out.

You would potentially have a greater support network without this man. Your siblings appear to have withdrawn because they are fed up of hearing about what he has done and then watching you forgive him. If you left, they might be more supportive of you. Also, you think if you got ill that THIS man would look after you?!

So what is the advice and support, given that she's going to stay with him and keep doing these things and she and her kids will suffer? Everyone she knows IRL is telling her the same thing as the 'sanctimonious strangers' on here. It's not really kicking herself to say 'I knew he's a liar, cheat, and useless with money, but I gave him it anyway and he knows I won't do anything and will stay anyway'. She just wants to be upset and have people say there there, you're too kind, poor you. If that's what you're advocating, I can't see how that's helpful.

I am really really sorry this has happened. I would assume the £5K is gone and just draw a line under it and walk away. He has shown you many times who he is so hopefully this is the final straw.

As you said - he's a cheater and an abuser and is useless with money and doesn't even pay his way. You had to have known this was a massive risk. I'm sorry you are learning your lesson and even sorrier your children are the ones who will pay for it - quite literally.

£2.5K isn't a massive disaster in a lifetime so I'd just take a breath and start planning on how you will disentangle yourself from this man. And whenever you falter, remember that he is 100% ready to ruin your life and your children's lives if you stay.

Because she shad years of his abuse and might be paralysed by it?! So let’s maybe not perpetuate condescending to her or telling her how shit she is? Because that’s what he’s been doing and it’s obvi fucking worked.

Some of you need to take a long hard look at yourselves. I thought I had no empathy, but Jesus Christ.

OP, I am sorry sorry that he has done this to you and to your children.

His comments are classic coercive control. It sounds as though he has isolated you from friends and family and now he is undermining you, gaslighting you and telling you that only he cares about you and will support you.

This is not true.

You are worth love and respect in your own right and there will be someone to care about you and take care of you in your future.

For now, I would recommend contacting Women's Aid to get some concrete support. He has committed financial abuse, and by not giving you the £2,000 that he does have, he is controlling you.

To other posters, on the face of it, the OP may appear to have been foolish, but men like this are clever about what they do. He may have encouraged her to use his account. The higher interest only makes sense if he kept it in the account. So while the OP could have invested the money better, we have no idea if she was coerced by him to take the action she did.

Women who are controlled often feel things are their fault, when they have been manipulated into the situation. So please show some kindness and support.

OP, if you’re not physically afraid of him, could you nab his phone and try to transfer the money to yourself? I’m sure you can guess his passcodes.

Yes, and someone will be along in a minute to say that’s a crime and oh no, but at this point, match his energy.

Why give him the chance to fuck her over again?

If the children were listed in the will as the beneficiaries of the £15k, you can’t just “draw a line under it.” This is fraud. 1/3 of their inheritance has been stolen. The father of these beneficiaries is not allowed to keep £2k and give £3k of it to a mate’s dodgy “investment opportunity”.

And I have said why it makes no sense. Why would you not be able to open an interest bearing account?

You need to be aware that you are the one legally at fault as Trustee under the Will though. You chose to put their money somewhere that was in breach of the trust for the children. You are the one who could actually be held liable for their losses.

Also glossing over the fact that she is in breach of her duties as their trustee and has caused the loss to the children including the interest they should have earned.

It's at this point you leave this person. They fundamentally cannot be trusted and they will rinse you dry. This is a major red flag, I would leave my partner under such circumstances. Trust is a critical component of a decent relationship.

Reminds me of this case. The mother and grandfather have been prosecuted and must pay the money back many years after stealing it in similar scenario to what the children's father has done here https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c780r74m9m2o

Use your head now. He said end if the month so play nice until end of the month- get money ,then run. If it goes sour he can prolong this and it'll get costly so see if he comes through on that promise first.