Partner spent my money and lied

[Lilly1812]

So i gave some money to my partner to keep in his savings account as he has a higher interest. I tried to open the same account but was denied. This is an inheritance given to my children by their late grandmother. I finally opened an account in their names and asked for the money back. He gave me different stories for a week. At first he said he has put some in a fixed term account so I said log in on ur app and let me see . He said no! Meanwhile he allowed me to see just a week before. This got me thinking that he has perhaps used some of the money. I asked him to tell me the truth but he insisted the money is there but he will transfer it when he's ready and he won't let me see his app either. After some back and forth and him making me very upset, he transferred some of the money. It is left with £5000. I asked him why he can't complete the transfer but he said he will do it. I persuaded him to just let me check to make sure he hasn't used it. He finally opened the app and I only saw £2000. I confronted him and he said he gave £3000 to his friend to invest in something and he should get it back by the end of the month. I'm so disappointed he lied to me for so long and also used my money without asking me. What can I do if I don't get the money back? I'm not talking to him as of now .

if his way of "taking care" of someone is to rip them off and steal money from them, maybe you'd be better off with nobody "taking care" of you.

@Lilly1812 sorry but I cant believe you would be stupid enough to send it to someone else to look after when all it takes is a visit to the bank to or even online to open an isa for each of your children!! it would have taken you only a matter of a couple of days! Instead you have lost a third of your kids inheritance money!! you knew he was useless with money so what did you think was going to happen??

Come on OP - I know it’s an oft repeated trope but you really do need to grow a backbone. If only for your kids. Nothing will change if you don’t change.

Giving someone who’s ’bad with money’ £15k to take care of is the very definition of madness.

OP you’re an absolute pushover and you’ve let your kids down. Sit him down, tell him to transfer the £2k NOW or you’re packing his bags and he’s leaving. And actually follow through. Write the £3k off, your kids are never seeing a penny of it.

To people saying that you have no leg to stand on - the presumption when you make a transfer is that they hold it on trust for you, he would have to rebut that with evidence it was a gift or contractual payment. Furthermore you have evidence that it wasn't even your money to transfer but your child 's money - you don't have the power to make a gift of that money.

So it is actually him who doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Mate, I've read through all your responses here and it's a list of reasons why you're not going to do anything about this or any of the other awful things he does. So why are you posting? Generous, helpful posters have given you all the stepping stones you need to build a better life for yourself and your children and you're sat in a corner saying I can't.

You need to choose, for the sake of your kids at least. Right now what you're doing is not just wrecking your own life but modelling a terrible existence for your children to live as well.

Oh I should add- as trustee for your kids you have a duty to get the money back from him or to repay it to them from your own funds

He'd "take care of you"? And you believe him? Honestly he's shown you time and time again what kind of lowlife scum he is, and you just roll over and let him away with it. Honestly, you'd be much better on your own with your kids. He's a leech, a thief and a liar. And this is who you want to raise your kids with???

OP, he seems to have stolen his own kids money - or he is withholding the money from you to keep you in tow. You are being gaslighted. You have no one else to ‘vent’ to because of him.
Please contact. Women’s Aid, the Samaritans, people you can actually talk to rather than advice on here. And you need to end your relationship with him now,he is stringing you along.
Good luck and keep strong xx

This made me think about my dad who gambled away 5000k of money from my maternal gp. My mother divorced him soon after...

I'm afraid it is weakness, not kindness.

I don't know why I posted it guess to get some responses back. I've been keeping it to myself and it's upsetting me. I've tried and my family have told me to leave him and they have all given up on me . The more reason why I can't say anything to them about giving him this money. I told my sister and she couldn't understand why I've done that. My brother will just get angry at me so I won't tell him.

God Mumsnet has become a nasty place. The OP gave the father of her children money to look after. She needs support and advice, not a vicious pile on.

Okay, people saying you don’t have a leg to stand on aren’t fully correct.

He could have said that it was a gift- but he transferred some back when you asked. This is acknowledgment that it’s your money.

Now, he could still say it’s a gift, but you can prove the money was from an inheritance and then you sent it all and he sent some back.

I would draft a letter- basically saying you give him 28 days to pay the cash back or you’ll go to the small claims court. send it recordered to his address (or yours if you live together). Distance yourself from him until he pays it back. Worst case- £30 small claims court fee. This should be a slam dunk case.

Once you get that money back- please dump him. If you can’t trust someone anymore, that’s it.

You have got the rest of it back now though havent you?

I’d be informing the police and see if they can do anything.

He’s stolen from you and your dc. Even if you get the remaining 5k back he’s still stolen the interest from them.

TBH I’d rather be alone than be with someone so vile as him. Kick him out and involve the police or take him to the small claims court

So what are you going to do? Everyone IRL and on here is telling you the same thing and yet the one person you choose to trust and believe in is him. What will it take to get you to change?

Jesus. Deaf ears. These poor kids. 💔

Can you go to small claims court if he has taken money from his own kids? I'm not so sure, especially if he has been given the money willingly and has parental responsibility. He can say he is keeping it for the kids.

I know there was a recent case in the news where a mother stole her daughters' inheritance and was jailed, but both daughters were adults and took it to court themselves. I think it took many years to get justice. The sum was something like 50k too.

OP, you need to break the cycle of abuse here. Your partner will rob and ruin his own kids unless you protect them.

No. Still 5k left

OP, don't you have your own non high interest bank account? Couldn't you have put the money in there until you opened the high interest scheme? You can start a separate account inside your online banking account in a few minutes to keep money separate.

Nice victim blaming. Unwise decision made by the OP, yes, I am sure she is kicking herself hard enough, she doesn't need a pile on by sanctimonious strangers.

Look at the title, she views this as her money. Poor her?

No poor kids, the actual victims who aren't being blamed by anyone.

If this man was trusted, had never done anything to make the OP doubt him she might be able to claim to be a victim but that isn't the case here.