Partner spent my money and lied

[Lilly1812]

So i gave some money to my partner to keep in his savings account as he has a higher interest. I tried to open the same account but was denied. This is an inheritance given to my children by their late grandmother. I finally opened an account in their names and asked for the money back. He gave me different stories for a week. At first he said he has put some in a fixed term account so I said log in on ur app and let me see . He said no! Meanwhile he allowed me to see just a week before. This got me thinking that he has perhaps used some of the money. I asked him to tell me the truth but he insisted the money is there but he will transfer it when he's ready and he won't let me see his app either. After some back and forth and him making me very upset, he transferred some of the money. It is left with £5000. I asked him why he can't complete the transfer but he said he will do it. I persuaded him to just let me check to make sure he hasn't used it. He finally opened the app and I only saw £2000. I confronted him and he said he gave £3000 to his friend to invest in something and he should get it back by the end of the month. I'm so disappointed he lied to me for so long and also used my money without asking me. What can I do if I don't get the money back? I'm not talking to him as of now .

There’s absolutely no reason for this. So either he has plans for the £2k or he just has no intention of returning it ever.

Your never seeing that money again. And because you transfered it willingly the police cant do anything.
why would you risk your childrens inheritance like that?

Because she keeps choosing this low life over her own kids. Providing a stable home isn’t her priority, clearly.

Do you have any leverage over him? Anything of his you can take and hold until the money appears in the DCs’ accounts?

I wouldn’t have given him it in the first place, but if I were you and I could access his car it would disappear until he hands over the money. If he threatens the police I’d say great. We’ll have a discussion in front of them.

Get the money back and dump him.

People are saying lesson learned but I'm sadly more sceptical. You knew what he was like - a pathological liar who cheats, gaslights etc etc - and you forgive him over and over and choose to trust him with this money. It's madness on your part and no good to keep saying he's all you have and blaming your anxiety. What will it take to make you get help and get rid of him? Because if you don't, he's got the green light to treat you like this with zero consequence. I can see why your siblings are frustrated. If you told them you were leaving him, maybe they'd step up and be more supportive, but if you stay then you're choosing to put yourself and your kids through more of this and it won't get better.

If you dump his ass now, you have no chance of ever recovering the final £5K. He's stalling because the reality is, he spent the money. It's entirely possible he has a gambling problem. He didn't give the money to a friend to invest, that's pure gibberish. Ask him to set up a standing order to pay you X amount per month for the next X amount of months. Bide your time, try and claw some of the £5K back. If he refuses to set up a standing order, dump his ass and go to the small claims court. He has stolen the money from your children, it's that simple. Never ever give him access to any account you or your children have. Never entrust him again with money.

So for the sake of an extra £600 over a year that he would have earned at 4% compared to the £300 you would have earned at 2% (and it sounds like he's had the money months so it's even less then that) you gave your kids money to a man you don't trust. You really need to reflect on why you made that decision to make sure you don't make similar mistakes in future.

Why are you not insisting that he transfers the 2k that's left? There's no reason for him to wait till he has the other 3k too (which will never happen!) Has he earmarked it for some sort of debt? Drugs? Gambling?

He doesn't have anything. Everything is mine. He works but can't save and not good with money.

I've insisted and tried to be nice but he's not doing it. It took him a week and constant pressure from me before transferring some of it back and still insisted he hasn't touched any of it till yesterday when I forced him to open his banking app.

Tell him you’ll be approaching the police to make a complaint of financial abuse. That should put a rocket up his ass, at least for the money he could transfer.

You already knew he was a wrong 'un. Sorry but you've only got yourself to blame.

If you've got messages saying he owes the money then go to the small claims court.

He can’t save and is not good with money?? Why the hell did you trust him with £15000 then?? Honestly you’re an absolute fool.

I told him that but he doesn't care. He knows I can't do that to him. He's taking my kindness for weakness

I would play nice for now with the aim of clawing as much of that money back as possible and then ditching him ASAP.

Your children deserve better than this.

Didn't think he will touch the kids money. I told him how disappointed I am with him.

Told him how disappointed you are in him 🤦🏻‍♀️He doesn’t give a fuck.

i have no idea what your life is like, some men are terrible to their partners but would never hurt their kids, I’ve no clue what your dynamics are.

Going against the grain, in the normal run of things I think it’s absolutely NOT unreasonable to trust a father to look after his own children’s money - I’d say that’s fairly normal.

What you’ve learnt is, he’ll treat them as bad as you, I don’t think you can go to the police or small claims, because as executor you released the funds to the wrong name and could get yourself in trouble too, I think your stuck with it, unfortunately.

If he does not/will not give it back, if your kids are young enough, try and put aside a small amount each week replace it, could be a tiny amount to do this if they’re under 10.

And heed the lesson, you now know he cannot be trusted to put his own children first, let alone anyone else. This is the time to find a way to leave.

I know you've said you couldn't open a higher interest rate savings account, but he could - but as he's their father why didn't he open the account in their name to start with?

Anyway what's done is done, lesson learnt for you (the hard way unfortunately 😕).

Get the money back (be nice as pie if you have to), forget the interest at this stage.... AND THEN DUMP HIS CHEATING, THIEVING ARSE!

repeating the questions I asked earlier...

do you live together?
do either of you own your home?
do you have any shared bank accounts?
or any shared expenses?

does he have any other savings, or assets?
does he own a car/ motorbike (or anything else that a bailiff could conceivable seize in order to get your money back if you were forced to pursue this through the courts)?
is he already in debt of any kind?
or have a bad credit rating that you know of?
did he explicitly agree to give the £ back at a certain point (eg once you'd opened a new account) or date?

who is this 'friend'?
have you ever met them?
what evidence is there that this £ has been loaned to them?
and is there any kind of written loan agreement?
what would happen if this 'friend' didn't pay it back?
what are you being told they're investing in?
what will the return be on this 'investment'?
(and will you be given any of it?)

how many weeks or months was the £ in his account?
is he planning to give you any of the 'high interest' (£50/month) he's enjoyed as a result of you putting this £ in his account (rather than keeping it in a slightly-lower-interest account where you would have accrued £25/month)?

Because it is weakness I’m afraid.

You’ve given your children‘s money to this cheating, lying, nasty cunt, and he’s stolen it. You know he’s ’not good with money’ and you’ve done this to try to please him, I bet.

You’ve probably told him he can keep the interest for himself.

I’m sorry about your anxiety but you’re an absolute fool. And I know damn well you’ll take this piece of shit back and allow him to continue to blight the lives of your poor, poor children.

Everytime he does something and I tell him it's over, he will tell me he's the only one I have and if something happens to me, he's the only one around who will take care of me. So I just let it go.

Well it is weakness. Show him he's wrong and you can do that to him. The only prize you get for being kind with him is being shat on so stop kidding yourself.

The moral of the story is that women with dodgy male partners should never risk their children's security in the hope that said dodgepots will reveal a justifiable reason for not having left them.

One of the most burden relieving moments in my life was when I admitted to myself that I was an arsehole who CHOSE to see myself as a non arsehole amongst arseholes.

I became responsible for my feelings, developed a true sense of humour, shed frenemies without discord by admitting to myself the awful traits we ALL had in common and found attractive (until said "qualities" were used against me).

But the best realisation was that most people are "fully built" by mid twenties and one has no obligation to see potential despite contradictory evidence.

Not to do down those who stuck around to witness shit turn into sugar.

So decide now not to let it go. Because what he says is meaningless, what he does is make things worse. You have to tell him it's over and actually mean it.