Partner spent my money and lied

[Lilly1812]

So i gave some money to my partner to keep in his savings account as he has a higher interest. I tried to open the same account but was denied. This is an inheritance given to my children by their late grandmother. I finally opened an account in their names and asked for the money back. He gave me different stories for a week. At first he said he has put some in a fixed term account so I said log in on ur app and let me see . He said no! Meanwhile he allowed me to see just a week before. This got me thinking that he has perhaps used some of the money. I asked him to tell me the truth but he insisted the money is there but he will transfer it when he's ready and he won't let me see his app either. After some back and forth and him making me very upset, he transferred some of the money. It is left with £5000. I asked him why he can't complete the transfer but he said he will do it. I persuaded him to just let me check to make sure he hasn't used it. He finally opened the app and I only saw £2000. I confronted him and he said he gave £3000 to his friend to invest in something and he should get it back by the end of the month. I'm so disappointed he lied to me for so long and also used my money without asking me. What can I do if I don't get the money back? I'm not talking to him as of now .

This cannot be real.

They are and that's why they don't want to know anymore. My brother tried to help me get rid of him and I took him back

What's 4% of nothing?

Didn't think he will touch the kids money
There was no reason to think he wouldn't. That's just what you tell yourself to somehow justify gambling with your childrens money on some kind of 'trust' exercise.

I told him how disappointed I am with him
He must be devastated

I'm not even going to address the feeling of dodginess this whole money situation brings but I really do wonder what it is you believe you are modelling to your children and how damaging it potentially is to them? Just because you don't want to be alone.

The word I will have with myself is that she is the Executor of the Will and upon distribution of their legacy she is Trustee. She has illegally breached that trust and not used the money in the best interests of the children. In such cases where the Trustee has acted in such manner they become personally liable for the losses. Yes she has a right of action against him if she can evidence the basis on which she gave it to him. But she has still acted illegally, in breach of trust and has personal liability for any losses the children have suffered.

Hope that clarifies the matter. Yes he's a git. But she is in the wrong too.

I honestly dont know how you dont live with overwhelming anxiety living with someone who is so reckless with money. I would be a wreck!

First of all, I hope he manages to send across the £2k you have requested - its important to at least get this back.

The remaining £3k, wait until the date he says he will have this back. If he doesnt have it back by then, you offer him a payment plan to pay back the money to you over the next year or so.

The thing is, he can either agree to send the £3k back/make repayments, or he may refuse.

Either way, if he refused to send or repay, I would be leaving him once I got my £2k back and cutting my losses, then working my ass off for my kids to gain back the £3k they lost.

If we agreed to a repayment plan, I would leave him once the payments were completed.

Obviously this man cant be trusted. He has broken your trust on what seems like countless occasions, on different matters.

You and the kids deserve better.

Does he gamble Op, I ask because that's probably where your DCs money has gone. He won't give you the money that's left because he's hoping to use it, get a big win, then say his friend gave it back. More likely he'll lose even more and you'll never see another penny.

Yes. He does betting on football.

I suspect she gave him that money to invest to try to please him, and said he could earn the interest. Otherwise it’s illogical.

And there’s no obvious reason she couldn’t have opened a non-credit account. That doesn’t make much sense.

I suspect she’s being roundly abused and is so all-in on this piece of shit that she’s consistently putting him above children.

Why has he got a savings account if he cannot save money? Did he have any money in it?
I think you need to go to the small claims court he has no reason for withholding the £2K his argument for waiting for the £3K makes no sense. Unfortunately you need to pressure him into paying the money back. I am sorry he betrayed your trust but You have proof you should use it.
Good luck

And this makes me so upset on a daily basis. My mum died from ovarian cancer and this has left me with an overwhelming health anxiety and sometimes have anxiety attacks because I believe I've got something seriously wrong with me or I won't live long . My mum died at the age of 51. He knows I don't have anyone so I keep him around so atleast he can look after the kids when I'm not more but now im scared of what he will do with my life insurance and money when im no more. I trusted him to atleast have the best interest of the kids a I haven't even used any of the money since it was given.

She what he was like. She said she gave it to him as a ‘test’, she had no right to test him with someone else’s money.

It would be hard to prove, but I think OP shouldn’t potentially be getting herself into any trouble, especially as she has kids dependent on her. She’s already on dodgy ground giving away her kids’ money.

He didn't 'give it to his friend to invest in something.' He invested in something himself, or more likely he just spent it.

It wasn't a test. I gave it to him because he knew it's the kids inheritance and I thought he will actually prove to me that he has changed and I can atleast gain some trust back in him.

You really will feel better with him out of your life believe me.You can then seek help from your family when they know he is not living with you.Please try for your children’s sake he is an awful role model for them.Do you rent and do you work? He will never change.Seek counselling for your anxiety it was terrible losing your mum but you have children who need you now.Good luck you are stronger than you think.Claim CSA.

I can only imagine it was because of your benefits. Otherwise why on earth would you hand it over?

Well, it's his word against yours at this point unless there's some proof the money wasn't just handed over out of good will.

I'm sorry this is happening. Obviously tell him he must give it back, but it doesn't mean he will.

All you can do is grit your teeth and try to remain sweet with him till you get the money back. Then dump him. Getting angry will give him an excuse to back off. If you try to appeal to his better side (if he has one!), he might be more inclined to see it from your POV and try pay it back. Lesson learnt though - trust no-one where money is concerned.

So you did have people to support you but you chose this man over them and you are also letting health anxiety rule your life rather than getting help with it.

Why on Earth would you keep someone around to care for your children when he is someone likely to abuse and take advantage of them? I understand you feeling powerless and unable to end the relationship but actively planning to saddle your children with this waste of space is just cruel. Surely they would be better off with your family in the event of anything happening to you, as they sound like nice people who want what’s best for you but have compassion fatigue and feel frustrated at watching you actively choosing to remain in their relationship despite their help.
Also, if your health anxiety is a big factor in you staying why aren’t you doing anything about that and seeking therapy?

I believe that you will get the money back. Whether you'll get the interest is anyone's guess, but you should. Your decision is simply whether you choose to stay with someone that you can't trust with money. You know this is your partner's weakness (he can NEVER expect you to trust him again) so if you decide the relationship is worth persevering with, you need to plan it so that he is not trusted financially.

But you said you have no support if you were to leave him.
I am saying that IF you leave him you will find out that your siblings are there. You’ve basically said that he is the reason they don’t want to know.
So if he goes I can bet your bottom dollar that your family will rally around you.
So, ditch the deadbeat. He sounds like such a catch.

Now we need app to see what we see. It isn’t rocket science

I would advise you to find another trustee for your life insurance e.g. a sibling, aunt etc.

Also, if you want to leave, start to think of a plan on how you will do it, speak to anybody who can provide support etc

Change the beneficiary on your life insurance policy! You can make it so the proceeds are held in trust for your kids and your sibling is the trustee

OP you would be far better without this piece of shit in your life. He doesn't help if support you - he uses you and steals from his own children!

If you die while he's got access to your affairs your children will get NOTHING because he will steal it all. Again. He wouldn't support his children - he's proved that by these actions. Even if he repaid all the money plus interest you must never ever trust him again .

He's NOT a help to you - he's a dead weight that you are carrying.

If you won't get rid of him for your sake do it for the children. They deserve better. Be a good Mother and do the right thing for them.