To be irked by this message from my 18 year old?

[feedmefudge]

We’re not getting on so well at the moment. Usually we’re pretty close and have a good relationship. She’s great! However she is incapable of reflecting on her own behaviour and admitting any wrongdoing (her behaviour is actually fine; it’s more that she has an entitled attitude). Anyway, here’s the annoying and rather patronising message, which was sent to me and her younger sister:

Her - ‘I bought lots with dad to eat for the next week. If something says Waitrose on it, do not eat it. I will know if either of you have.’

Me - ‘I’m not a child. I think you can trust me to hold myself back from your Waitrose food.’

It’s irritating because her father and I divorced years ago, and he has taken her for food for my house. I don’t shop in Waitrose but will generally bring home anything that she wants if she’s cooking for herself, plus I do a weekly Tesco shop. So it’s not like the poor love is starving!
Also, ex husband will be loving it that we’re not getting on as well as usual.

Daughter has told me that my reaction to her Waitrose text wasn’t normal. And I’m just so fucking tired of it all. Raising teenage daughters on my own is genuinely the hardest thing I have had to do (obviously the Waitrose text on its own isn’t a big deal, but small issues can sometimes tip you over as they’re often part of a bigger picture).
I’m also menopausal and really feeling it tonight. Some kindness would be appreciated, even if I am just a horrible mum! 😆

Yes I was put straight by mine. I had no idea. Apparently its the sarcastic response.

Hold on tight! Wish mine were 5 again (sort of)!

I feel your pain OP. Thumbs up and private eyeroll is the way to go whilst you patiently wait for adulthood to bite her arse

I am sure she does. My 8 year old knows.

All food in our house is shared, its a bit mean to keep it for herself

@feedmefudge you said DD is great most of the time. Agree with those saying a neutral short ‘ok’ or thumbs emoji would have done. From her pov, I guess maybe she spent ages choosing the (more expensive end) food and it will seem more important to her if she feels it was specially bought for her only by her dad. So from devils advocate pov, through the eyes of a teen it may not actually be so entitled as an adult might think. Possibly clumsily worded but she only said she’d know, if anyone did take it and not she’d whack them or anything!

Ps you should screenshot her message and when she’s older you can remind her about her teen ‘food aggression’ 😅 probably share a laugh lol

She sounds very immature. If she doesn't have the balls to say things in person and prefers to send snotty texts, it is not worth a reply.

Her: "If something says Waitrose on it, do not eat it".

You: "Oops - just did..."

I'd have completely ignored the message. This shows you're not prepared to respond to that attitude, but without inflaming the situation by giving her reason to criticise you. Its also intensely irritating to high handed dictatorial people to be ignored.

Yabu. All you had to say was no worries.

Way to make their relationship worse. No need for such a heavy handed sledgehammer reaction.

Put a full stop after the sentence as well. For some weird reason that gets them in a tizz. If I ever do it (just habit as I don’t do text speak) my son replies with just the word “aggressive” 😁

You did not handle it brilliantly. A better response might have been.

'is there a please in there somewhere?'

Agree.

Dad ostentatiously buys her food. You react to her text in a snotty way because you're annoyed by dad.

This young woman is caught between the two of you.

Grow up.

I'm a lone parent, and my 18yo has their own shelves in the fridge and cupboards as they tend to cook for themselves and we eat different foods.

I've made a special effort over the last few weeks to have all of their favourites in whilst they've been going through the added stress of A-level exams.

This seems like an uneccessary disagreement, and I'm surprised by how many posters find the idea of having separate foods so offensive.

Why is dad treating one child but not the other?

As a mum of 13 year old twin girls and a 20 year old son i feel you, I really do 😭

I've been seething since this morning as someone has helped themselves to a Terry's chocolate orange I was saving! No one asked and no one will admit who ate it!

I'm seriously considering going on strike....

Her message was very clear and simple. I don’t see why your hackles were raised.

If there are ongoing issues with food separation in the household, perhaps it is time to assign storage sections.

I can't imagine one of my kids wanting to keep it all to themselves, an easter egg maybe, but not normal food

I reacted to my daughter’s tone and nothing more 👍

I can’t imagine wanting to eat food that was bought for my child.

That's just begging for teeth marks to be left in the said food, or a cunningly-placed duplicate of it 😃

I thought your response was drily funny and to the point.

I agree @SpinandSing but I do think it’s worth a quick revisit when things are good to say /“ sometimes it’s good soften your tone in messages” or however you feel it’s good to coach your daughter when she wants to try and be firm about something.

i reckon the message was mainly intended for the sister.

Are you annoyed by the tone of her message or by your ex buying her food that you perceive to be nicer than the food you buy?

Her tone was bad, but she's 18. You're the grown up and should be able to restrain yourself from biting back over something so petty inconsequential.