What’s the fairest way to do finances when you’re married?

[Lollypopbeach]

I earn less than DH
We have 1 child together

Currently have separate finances but want to get things sorted. some people find it odd we do it this way

YANBU - Separate finances all the way
YABU - Joint account!

Everything joint.
Was the same when we didn’t have two pennies to rub together and has remained the same throughout. We have never had separate spending money, now we can both afford to spend and do as we please without thinking but we didn’t even when we had to manage every penny. It’s always worked for us.

My husband out earns me considerably, but it’s him who prefers it this way more than I do. I wouldn’t really mind either way as long as I had fair access to family money.

This.

This.
Plus a joint savings account.
Plus you can each open your own savings accounts and pay in from your 'personal' money.

Each month..

Agree an amount you will both keep from your wages for personal expenses (clothes, treats etc) - same amount each.

Put everything else into a joint account.

We have one joint account, pay mortgage, bills from it. Food shopping, eating out and kids stuff paid from a credit card that we pay 50/50 every month. Kids have savings accounts, we both pay into one of each every month.
no other joint accounts, I don’t see the need, and don’t want to pool all finances. We don’t know how much the other one has in savings.

i want my own savings and my own spending money without having to discuss it. Early in marriage DH was higher earner, now I am. I find this is a lot less risky too, worsr case scenario I still have my own savings accounts.

I hope you haven’t married this skinflint? Even if they didn’t want kids they had them with you so they don’t get out of paying for them!!! You’d be better off living alone with your kids tbh as then you’d get universal credits etc because everyone assumes your partner will be contributing 50% for his OWN CHILDREN!

DH and I have been together getting close to 30 years and had 2 children.
He always earned slightly more than me.

But we have never had a joint account. Our finances are complicated by MN standards but very fair and equitable as adjustments are made. Especially when younger we needed to make financial decisions immediately as we both invested and needed quick decisions.

It’s been better for tax reasons on occasion.

Not married and no kids, however the man I’m in a relationship with is… carefree with money to say the least. If we got married or had a baby, I’m not sure I could ever agree to joint finances. It would just be too stressful. I would gladly pay my fair share of bills and joint purchases, but I just couldn’t trust him to be sensible with money at times we may need to be (eg saving for parental leave, or one of us losing our job).

Separate accounts and one joint account that we transfer a set monthly amount into for mortgage, bills etc. We earn similar amounts. Not married but wouldn't change that setup if we did get married.

The idea of only having one joint account into which my entire salary went, and which DP could access at any time, gives me the absolute jitters. There's no financial freedom in that. I don't think my money is his and I don't think his money is mine. That's not a level I'm ever going to reach in a relationship.

A spendthrift partner or DH is a good reason for NOT having a joint account - if you think they would just empty it too quickly each month by overspending, or even make it go overdrawn leaving you to pay off the debt.

But without a joint account you do have to constantly monitor the fairness.
Don't end up in a situation where he pays for the 'bills' which are regular and fixed direct debits whilst you pay for 'shopping' which varies and is always going up in cost.
The situation gets worse when there are children, and the woman is constantly forking out for bits and pieces for them that are somehow never properly accounted for as joint costs, so she ends up worse off than him.

We’re joint, our wages are paid into the same account, a standing order then sends the same amount of fun money to our individual bank accounts, we can spend that as we wish and on whatever we like. The joint account pays all bills, things for our children etc, we then have one savings account for holidays, a rainy day fund etc.

We also trialed proportional contributions when we first got married as we wanted to try both ways to see what suited us best.

There isn’t a “fairest” way. Whatever works for both parties is best. I earn a lot more than DH (at least 3x more) but we both the same into our joint account that’s used for mortgage, bills, food shopping etc. I pay for holidays, other big expenditures (eg we got new sofas recently), most meals out or takeaways blah blah. He often pays for more house bits like day to day stuff we need. Our salaries go into our own accounts and after the joint account is topped up our money is our own. We split kids activities and I pay for school wrap around care. Some might find it weird or different but it works for us.

And us. We've never had an argument about money. Ever. 33 years together, 23 married. Works for us.

I mean we’re a long way away from all that, but my plan would be to have a joint household account into which we pay an amount proportional to our net earnings. Then all joint expenses like bills, food, etc. come out of that account. I just don’t want to be in a position where joint savings are spent on a new car willy nilly (he loves cars) when there are more important things on the horizon we need to save for. Don’t get me wrong, he’s fun to be around and incredibly generous, but not the most forward thinking when it comes to money. Would rather this than being with a stingy man (biggest no-no for me).

We are completely shared, no individual pots. We have individual accounts and a joint account and just pay stuff depending on who has the cash flow. We’ve never argued about money, discuss and agree bigger purchases though. It’s just easier not needing to calculate or split anything.

But without a joint account you do have to constantly monitor the fairness.

We don’t and never have. It’s swings and roundabouts. We’re not fixated on fairness.

Was with partner for 30 years, not married, several kids, separate accounts, I paid for bills, she paid for shopping etc... we got into a bit of debt, which I paid off after we split and I got a redundancy lump sum. Never argued about money, split amicable 😀. It can be done 😁

Also pool finances. The only reason we don't is because we'd been living together for a while beforehand, had roughly equal income and assets, and already had a system that worked for us. But when one of us has been on maternity or shared parental leave we've pooled everything.

I earn more than DH (for now, maternity leave etc will definitely have an effect).

Since marrying we have set up a join account that both our salaries get paid into. Then from that we take an equal amount of 'fun money' to our individual accounts. All join expenses get paid from the joint account, then if I want to buy make-up or a new book or something that comes from my individual account.

Our savings from before marriage are still separate. We want to buy a house together so then that will be pooled, but for now it's whatever we earn today is shared equally, whatever was ours before marriage is still just ours.

It's not about punishment, it's about fairness. If a couple jointly agree to one working less for childcare, I can see why it would be shared. But if one chooses to work part time because they want to work less or does a junior role because they want an easy life then that is different.

I heard about 7x what DH earns. He works part time and was a SAHD for a long time. In part, thi sis becuase his original career is not open to him anymore and the job he'd picked up pre-children was one he hated. His new job is one he enjoys, but can only do part time.

Is he taking advantage of me because he chooses to be at home and doing that instead of working? Becuase I can assure you, from where I'm sitting, that's not true at all. He might be happier NOT doing the job he was doing, but he's still contributing hugely to our lives and making life infinitely easier for me.

Also, I am ahigh earner. That's just a fact. He is not a high earner, and was never going to be a high earner. So what, he should be penalised becuase he married someone who had the option to work in highly paid work?

In an earlier post I made the point about decision making - that in a marraige, decisions need to be joint, no matter WHO earns the money. And of course, that includes whether you'r eboth going to work full time or part time or whatever. If someone insists they're goign to work part time and their partner must just suck it up, then it's not about financial unfairness but a problem in the relationship.

This makes the most sense

In my marriage these would be family savings and joint between us both, no matter who brought them to the table.

I’m very old and still don’t understand what people who get married think their commitment(s) are if not those old commitments of
All my worldly goods, Richer and poorer, Sickness and health.
If they don’t apply, what’s the point ?

Surely that depends on having the same attitude to money. If you’re married to a spendthrift you don’t want them to have access to a six figure sum.