What’s the fairest way to do finances when you’re married?

[Lollypopbeach]

I earn less than DH
We have 1 child together

Currently have separate finances but want to get things sorted. some people find it odd we do it this way

YANBU - Separate finances all the way
YABU - Joint account!

Everything is joint. I was the high earner for years now our FTE earnings are equal except I'm temporarily part-time so I earn less. Two mat leaves. We've not had separate money since we first moved into rented together 20 years ago. Savings are technically in my name but are for both of us. Salaries go into separate account but get transferred to the joint account. Main spending is via a cashback credit card in my name that he is an extra card holder for. It gets paid off each month from joint earnings. Big purchases are discussed first but day to day we spend what we like within reason and in shops or restaurants whoever is closer to the till or is handed the bill pays as it's from the same money. If we divorced we'd get 50/50 anyway so what is the point in not pooling the money? Also our main costs are our joint kids and pet.

100% this. I can't understand married couples who don't do this.

We have always pooled resources and then given equal spends a month.

When you are married with children you are a family and should pool your resources. Joint account.

It’s not luck. It’s how I grew up. My parents did that, so did my grandparents.

When I met dh, we discussed money when we became serious. His parents did things the same way.

I wouldn’t have married someone who wasn’t on the same page, or who expected me to ask permission to spend money.

Oops.

I think this depends on whether both people work full time. I wouldn't be happy with everything being equal if one worked a lot more hours than the other.

If you have plenty of money between you then separate finances are fine. If you need to budget more then joint probably makes more sense.

We’ve been together 20 years and have never had a joint account as it never seemed necessary.

We broadly split stuff but don’t keep any record of it. If something like a holiday needs to be booked we wouldn’t be sending each other half of the money to cover it.

We do try and keep investments roughly 50/50 mainly for tax purposes.

As you earn less

What should you do if you earn more ?

I think the OPs question is largely irrelevant due to the fact that once you are married there is no "separate finances" in a technical sense. Only joint ones.

And questions on how finances are going to operate within marriages are best resolved before marriage rather than after them. Can't believe that people wait until after they are married to find out they have totally different attitudes towards how the finances should operate.

This! I’m also the higher earner despite being part time. But we’re a team and all money is family money.

Married 17 years and always had separate accounts. We’re both reasonable people so we just split the bills roughly down the middle. I like my financial independence and being able to spend what I want and save what I want. we like treating each other and not feeling like I’m treating myself.

We’re reasonably comfortable though with no mortgage now so luckily we don’t worry about money. If I didn’t have my own account my dh would probably sniff about some of my spontaneous spending if it came from a joint account!
works for us!

We have a joint for bills and put salary proportionate amounts in each month. He pays the mortgage separately. DH earns 3x more than me. It means if he wants an expensive watch he can have it. Or if I want a dress I can get it without scrutiny. Works for us.

We save separately but will pool funds for big spends. We understand though its all family money.

Exactly this. When we got married we became a team. It would never have occurred to us not to have a joint account, joint savings, joint mortgage etc. Negotiating with finances must inevitably lead to tension when you're trying to run a household. If everything is shared equally, there is no contention.

Both. We have a joint account for all bills. We each put a set amount into that each month. Then, it's separate accounts which we each pay our own bills from eg, mobile bill. The rest, we each spend as we like. Was earn similar wages

I work all the hours, and we still pool it all...

We have separate accounts and a joint account. We each pay into joint for any joint expenses and keep our own accounts to spend or save as we wish. It works for us as our earnings are similar.

I think an important question for couples who have completely separate finances is, would the higher earner stand by and do nothing while the lower earned struggled with a big bill for example.

Hopefully not and from the answers I'm seeing here, even if accounts are kept separate, there's an understanding that it is all family money and that's fair too.

But one person usually works less due to childcare, so they should therefore be financially punished? That's not how a team works

All money pooled, shared, and spending broadly agreed.

All labour required to create a happy family equally valued, and roughly added up and hours equally split (earning, cleaning, childcare etc)

I think it depends on various factors. Theoretically everything in and out of the one pot of money is the best way. If both people are reasonable with their personal spending and trust each other there should be no need for separate finances, or equal ‘spending money’.
This isn’t what we do, our finances are separate by mutual agreement. This is indicative of bigger issues in our relationship.
My advice would be if you/your spouse can’t/won’t share it all, don’t do it and ask yourself why. If you’re not married don’t share accounts, irrespective of there being children. Get married if you want to financially protect them.

Probably just us, but I pay for food and day-to-day stuff, he pays mortgage, bills, holidays and so on. It works out reasonably and both accounts are joint. We've been doing this for over 55 years!

I always imagine if I was able to work while my partner made me a whole human, then fed it, and raised it, while I was able to continue my life without so much as a skip of a beat, sharing finances would be the fucking least I could do.

Imagine not being able to share your inheritance with someone who made you a whole person. Two even.

We have separate accounts and each of our salaries are paid into our own account. Some bills come out of mine, some out of his. We both spend what we like. Whatever is left at the end of the month is transferred to joint savings. This works because we earn enough to not have to watch our spending very closely, and because we have the same attitude to money - we're both natural savers, not spenders. It wouldn't work if one was a saver and one was a spender. We've been married for 23 years and have never had an argument about money.

DH and I married/lived together after about a decade of mostly just seeing each at weekends; both of us working away from home for a lot of the time.

We kept our own finances/savings separate, but had a hefty “Kitty account” to fund most household stuff, leaving our own funds to pay for our own priorities/ fripperies.

We’re in our 60’s, now, so are going to be game-playing whatever it is Rachel Reeves comes up with re pensions/inheritance for the next few years.