What’s the fairest way to do finances when you’re married?

[Lollypopbeach]

I earn less than DH
We have 1 child together

Currently have separate finances but want to get things sorted. some people find it odd we do it this way

YANBU - Separate finances all the way
YABU - Joint account!

Just to clarify these amounts are exaggerated and a bit of a joke, just asking for advice. Do both people get put on the savings accounts, or how does that work?

We do joint account into which we pay proportionately and our own accounts for the rest of our money. Bills, commuting and things for the house or children come out of the joint account. We have a joint savings account and also separate ones.

I really strongly feel that it is dangerous to have only joint accounts. Everyone should have an "escape" find just in case. I also like to be able to each spend our spare money as we wish, without oversight or comment.

Joint account, since even before we were married! We had a house together, so made sense. We also have a joint credit card. Neither of us are big spenders, so no need for a spends account. We do have some separate investments as I am not a tax payer, and that's tax efficient, but we also have some joint bonds. It's all family money. Inheritance has also gone into the joint "pot" to be distributed evenly.

We're a team too. With separate accounts. 😊

It’s best to pro rata based upon earning.

Own accounts for wages to go in then every month we leave the same amount in our own account (currently £250 but was less) and the excess goes into the joint account for bills etc.

This was by far the fairest way when I was on mat leave and since I still only work part time 10 years later. Any leftovers from the joint account goes into joint savings. We each have our own Isas which I deposit from my own account and DHs is before we got married.

In our case, all our savings are also joint. Or, as it's not always easy to find joint savings accounts, we create one each at the same bank and put equal amounts in. If you've fairly recently got together and one person had way more savings before the marriage, I can see the argument for keeping pre-marriage savings separate, though.

We have separate finances. He’s a spendthrift and I can just look at his frivolous purchases and shrug because he’s spending his own money. I have no idea what he spends, I suspect my head would explode if I could see it all in a joint account.

Joint bill account here. We pay in the same each month on a standing order to cover bills, dog and a small amount of savings for household things.

We keep the rest of our own money.

I wouldn't marry or have children with someone who had such an entrenched view on this.

We just pool everything together. We’ve decided an amount for “fun money” that we each get sent to our personal accounts to spend or save as we please. Everything except individual socialising or purchases comes out of the joint account.

We have separate accounts and a joint account. We agree what percentage goes into the joint, and covers all mortgage, bills, child expenses etc. What is left is for separate things. DH has a more expensive hobby than mine that I would not really want to supplement, and I would not expect him to pay for me to get my nails done etc. It works. I earn slightly more than him so naturally put a bit more into the joint account but when I had to temporarily drop my hours for a couple of months last year that switched round until I was back FT.

You’re married it’s all joint as far as I’m concerned

We’ve got an offset mortgage, so all savings are in joint names too but I think we’d have them joint regardless.

We have a joint account for bills,house stuff etc., plus our own accounts for when we want to buy something for ourselves or for presents etc.
It's worked for us for 25 years.

All savings, inheritances, winnings (dh won £5k in a casino on a stag do once!)
, bonuses or windfalls of any kind are completely shared with us.

If you're married, I struggle to understand the concept of separate money in any capacity tbph...I don't understand the point.

Hypothetically, what good would it do you to have a large inheritance tucked away whilst your spouse has zero? What would you do with it? Retire early, let your spouse keep working till 66 though? Maybe book yourself business class when your spouse sits in economy? Buy yourself nice stuff whilst your spouse penny pinches? Maybe build a nice extension on the house that your spouse isn't allowed to use?

I just don't get it 😂

Neither option and both options!

We have separate current accounts, and a joint 'savings' account, out of which comes everything except bills - so family car and household maintenance, days out and holidays, discretionary items that we agree on if over a certain amount, birthday and Christmas presents etc.

We work it so we pay bills proportionate to our individual earnings, take a certain amount each week/ month for personal spend and then bank whatever is left. We like to have a degree of financial independence from one another and this works for us.

Agree.

I have friends who have separate finances and I can't get my head around it. In one instance the husband earns about 4 times as much and my friend has to ask him to "borrow" money if she runs out?!?! And then pay it back when she gets paid?! Even though they have kids and a house together?!

If for any reason at all my DH ended up as the lower earner or couldn't earn for a period of time, then in my view, my salary is half his. And it would be the same if the shoe was on the other foot. All money goes into one pot and is used by both of us, no matter who is earning what.

Why on earth would you want to see your other half skint or not in the same financial position as you?!

It has started to get to me that we are trying to get pregnant with our second child and we have just put our house up for sale and we have separate finances. I hate the you pay for this and I’ll pay for that. Or I’ll pay for holiday as you can’t afford it and you pay for the dollars.

I just would rather put everything into one account and it’s “our” money rather than mine or his.

We have a joint account and put a set amount in there each month for the mortgage, bills, food shop. Etc.

I don't want to be having conversations about why I spent £200 at Kate Spade (or whatever) any more than he wants to be using conversations about why £200 is acceptable for a pair of running shoes.

That being said we earn almost the same p.a., I think if one got a significant pay increase we'd do proportional contributions.

Going against the grain but we never bothered with joint accounts. Everything is separate, and we also don’t have an agreed split on anything except for mortgage which is 50:50, the rest of the bills and expenses one of us just pays (eg DH pays utilities, groceries, car, I pay childcare, holidays, kids stuff etc) and it all works out somehow. Married 6 years and two kids, no issues with this system so far. We don’t keep tabs on each others spending or how much each person is contributing but will discuss big purchases etc first and despite the separate accounts we very much see it all, including individual savings, as ‘our’ money so we’re quite relaxed about it.

We are a family unit proceeding through life together. Once you marry it makes sense to share finances. If you divorce (not if you've only been married 5 minutes of course) it is ALL considered family money no matter where it came from or whose name it's in. It get's divided by the divorce order. If you don't get divorced what is the point in separate finances? You as a family need to pay for cars, houses, childcare, holidays, etc.. What is the logic in one party having lots of money and the other party having less? Surely it's just one big "family" pot of work, money, time, energy, etc...!

All our money goes into one account, which pays for bills, food etc. Then we split what's left 50/50.

Yep my thoughts exactly!

I had an inheritance and it went into a savings account in my name (only because I already had the account pre-DH and it had the best interest rate) but the money was available for both of us to use / decide what to with it. DH is very sensible though so wouldn't generally spend unless he needed to (unlike me 😂). But I can't see how this kind of thing would just be "my" money. What am I going to do with it that doesn't involve DH?!

Call me old fashioned but surely family money is well just family money, all of it!

Especially if you are married and have children - I can't see how it would work any other way. Many couples have the big earner, usually the man as the mother's earning often suffer due to being the main child carer.

Careers and earnings are enabled by having a stable family unit - the big earning men wouldn't be able to function if the house didn't run smoothly.

This idea of paying % of bills according to salary is a strange one to me, although I know it's a common practice on MN.

Usual caveats if you're the high earner and living with a gambler, addict, drunk etc.