What’s the fairest way to do finances when you’re married?

[Lollypopbeach]

I earn less than DH
We have 1 child together

Currently have separate finances but want to get things sorted. some people find it odd we do it this way

YANBU - Separate finances all the way
YABU - Joint account!

I just don’t see the point of being married and having a family if you’re not going to have joint money that you can both access for the good of the family unit.

DH should keep his inheritance separate for himself. If he wants to spend it on the family then fair enough but I think it’s unfair for you to try claim it

25 years married. We have always shared everything. I earn more than DH now but there have been times when he’s had more savings or had an inheritance. Also, he’s sacrificed certain things so that I can pursue a chosen career. It’s all about pooling resources in my eyes on many different things in a marriage or partnership, money is just one of those things.

I don't believe that's true. I now earn far more than my dh, and also inherited a lot, and still believe in joint finances. Because to me that's what marriage is essentially for, as it was for my parents. But I also believe that every couple can choose what works for them.

We have been together for over 25 years and have separate accounts and separate savings.

We have very rarely discussed who paid for what. It has evolved slowly: broadly he paid household expenses, I paid for the kids. He paid for more things when I was earning less; i pay more now that I have the bigger income. I have no idea if it has been fair but we are a team and we just do what seems sensible at the time.

Do you have step children ? It’s not my husbands responsibility to fund my kids , it’s not mine to pay his maintenance payments , just like the money I get for my kids shouldn’t be funding my step kids. It’s MUCH more common in blended families to keep things separate for these reasons.

Ok, this is a different scenario, I see that.

If DH or I get an inheritance that would be shared too.

I do agree it's different if step kids are involved.

We’ve had a joint account for everything since we moved in together, long before we got married. He used to earn a lot more than me but was never bothered, it has always been “our” money. Payments for my DSc came from there too, still do, and I now earn as much as him. It’s all always shared.

I had a child when I met my husband and we still have joint everything. Apart from a couple of years where I worked part time, I’ve been a SAHM the whole time.

Dh has always treated ds as his own child, he still does now even though ds is 22, he still pays for things and helps him out as needed. Ds is in his will equal to our two children together. He doesn’t treat my Ds any differently.

It was never something that was up for discussion, when I became dh family, so did my son. God, my PIL even changed their wills when we married to include my ds equally with his sisters children and any future children we may have had!

We have both inherited money, it was all put towards paying off the mortgage.

I do not get how people can share children and still have separate finances

Kids and marriage - joint everything then for us. We are a team and all contribution is valued, whether that’s at home or at work. I can understand it being different if second marriage or other kids in the mix.

Ours is all chucked in together. We just see it as our money. Originally we both took a percentage out for ourselves but it just seemed pointless after a while. Suits us but might not suit others.

One pot for bills, savings etc. We both have equal ‘spending money’. Have done this since DC - who earned the most has significantly changed, but we still have equal spends. I get a decent bonus, and usually have a bit of a treat from that and the rest goes towards holidays.

So we have a joint account that all the joint bills come out of and then each have our current accounts. Dh has a fancy spreadsheet that basically takes our wage after personal expenses and works out what percentage we each pay in to the joint account so that we have same amount spare after.
savings are joint

We paid into a pot for all joint bills relative to our income including childcare.
. He earns five times more than me, so pays in five times more. By direct debit.
The remainder of our monies is for us to spend or save (separately) as we wish. No need to run anything by each other,
Worked well for 30 years.

We have always had separate bank accounts but what’s mine is mine. His money pays all the bills and he’s always given me full access. When I was a SAHM he would send money to my account every month. When he got annual bonuses he’d share them 50/50 with me (to buy whatever I wanted).

We have never had a single argument or cross word about money in 35 years of being together.

I think a lot of young couples think a joint bank account is a measure of trust but actually my DH’s generosity and transparency around money, whilst retaining our own financial independence, has been really great for both of us.

This. We have had a joint account from the very start. It's never caused a problem in over 30 years. Sometimes one has earned less or more than the other. It doesn't matter. It's one shared pot because we're a team.

Been married 35 years. Never had a joint account; never been an issue. I don't want to have to explain how I spend my money. Separate accounts mean you rarely need to discuss money at all, so they're very efficient.

Separate accounts
We manage our own money
We have never had a cross word about money
Probably because we have always had enough and each has had what we have wanted.
Neither if us are the last of the big spenders.

Same with us. We’ve lived amicably together through 25 years of marriage with separate finances. Now we’ve retired our money is a bit more blended as we have a joint savings account with the price of a funeral in it to make it easier for whoever lives longer.

We have a joint account for almost everything and each have a small pocket money account .

I think if you've got children then entirely joint is fairest.

DH and I don't (and won't) have children and have very different spending styles, so we just cover bills between us in a joint account and then both contribute to a joint savings account, then have the rest of our money in our own accounts. Any additional day-to-day stuff (going out for food, house purchases that aren't out of savings) just kind of alternate between us with no rhyme or reason and it evens out.

See this situation would give me the ick. You’re married, it’s joint money. Why get married in the first place if you weren’t planning to pool resources together as a team?

We have a joint account for bills and then after that we do our own thing.

Both of us can be frivolous with different things so it's better for everyone if we just do our own things after the bills are paid.