Husband commented on Bride’s size and her friend overheard

[PollTravels]

As above really. Wedding on Saturday - DH’s mate. We don’t really know his now wife too well, I’d never met her and DH had met her maybe once.

Anyway - as she walked down the aisle, DH said (quietly he thought) to me that it’s a good job the aisle was wide.

I gave him a nudge as to say ‘shut it’.

DH was later confronted by one of the bride’s friends who was sat in front of us who told him she heard the comment and thought he was disgusting (words to that effect).

DH is now worried that this friend would have reported back to his mate, and wants to reach out to say sorry.

I think he should shut it and that his mate probably hasn’t been told. DH disagrees…would you agree it’s best not to say anything?

Your value doesn't lie in whether men like you 🙄

no but comment about weight and a size 14/16 touch a nerve, and a big one!

Jokes that are not intended for anyone else shouldn't be made in a wedding venue where everyone is quiet and watching the bride walk down the aisle.

When's the last time you made a joke about an overweight colleague? Bet you were too scared there but brave enough here whilst anonymous.

yeah I caught that too. It's very telling.

Do not say anything. No one would repeat a horrid comment like that to the groom. That would be hurtful.

Your DH needs to get some nice things backed up in his brain to say to his friend about the bride and the wedding though, for when they next hang out..

OK, so you have an unhealthy relationship with food yourself which leads you to make shitty jokes about other people's weight. I presume this is all part of your disordered eating, which is understandable but it doesn't make it right.

Out of interest, would you think racist jokes or homophobic jokes were OK if nobody else heard them?

And would you make your "stupid jokes" in a public place where others might well overhear?

Or they were just raised correctly with manners and don’t mock people in whispers where others can hear them.

Jokes are funny.

His remark wasn't funny, so not a joke. It was shit talk.

DH said (quietly he thought) to me that it’s a good job the aisle was wide.

Just to be clear, that's not a joke. That's just a nasty comment. But then maybe the bar for comedy is also quite low in your household.

This!

I think he's already said enough. In future he needs to shut his mouth. He can think what he like but he cant voice everything. Evem my 5 and 6 know that we don't comment on people's bodies.

They aren’t going to say anything to the newlyweds at the moment. Later down the line then perhaps.

The people who confronted your husband obviously felt compelled to and, whilst you say you nudged him, I imagine if you had actually told your husband to can it or that he was wrong then these people wouldn't have felt they had to say something.

I’m a size 16 right now, just because it’s average doesn’t make it okay. It’s considered fat anywhere but here (or maybe the US?).

But being racist or homophobic is not the same as making a joke about someone’s weight ffs and I have not had disordered eating now for years. Maybe it’s because my mum was very overweight and always made jokes about her weight and didn’t take it that seriously and it wasn’t self hatred either, Jo Brand anyone?! Kathy Burke anyone?

I’m sure your husband is nothing short of an Adonis?

Sorry but his behaviour is absolutely vile. Does he say stuff like this often?? Because if he’s willing to do so at a wedding then it speaks volumes about his objectionable behaviour generally.

Whether it's fat or not is irrelevant. Unkind comments about a woman's appearance on her wedding day are not acceptable either way.

It's not about that.

Can you tell me why a woman being fat is funny?

That's what's deeply un-fucking funny here - that people will laugh at women because of their size. Why is that? Because they're less attractive to men? Because women who aren't that overweight are mightily relieved it's not them who is ip for ridicule and therefore more attractive by default?

He joked about the bride’s appearance (i.e. saying she was fat) as she walked down the aisle on her wedding day?
Too fucking right he should be squirming. Fucking arsehole.

I would hope that the friend wouldn't tell her. It would be cruel on the friend's part. So no, he shouldn't say anything. If at some point it's clear that the bride has found out, then he needs to grovel.

I'm really glad the friend pulled your husband up though. Jeeze.

There's some wide open space between being a saint, and the thought in your head when you see the bride enter the church being "good job the aisle is wide" and some further clear space between that thought, and it making it out of your mouth.

I'm really sorry that you've experienced disordered eating and issues with your body in the past.

I don’t think this is about being non-judgmental, but about the fact that nowadays people have to accept that they will be called out more readily on their shitty behaviour. Framing something as a joke does not take away from being an arsehole. So if you can give it, be prepared to take it.

Same.

I think your DH may have been tactless .however if he's OK most of the time ,maybe he needs to get with the.modern vibe that that sort.of remark is outdated and rude. BtW 14 to 16 is a perfectly acceptable size.most women in UK are 16.plus.the culture here is that slim or thin is best.many successful women are fat shamed.How many men are.over weight and get no negative comments
In

"funny" is a personal thing. Most jokes are offensive for someone let's be real.
Some people will find the joke funny, or at least amusing.

What is inappropriate is the time and place - and being so stupid not to know you are also likely to be recorded. Weddings are not private anyway, but the arrival of the bride, the kiss, the speeches.. there are especially terrible times to open your mouth and "whisper' something.

It wasn't a joke.

It was a pointed comment about the Bride's weight.

The Op underreacted to her husband's comments and overreacted to criticism of them.