Husband commented on Bride’s size and her friend overheard

[PollTravels]

As above really. Wedding on Saturday - DH’s mate. We don’t really know his now wife too well, I’d never met her and DH had met her maybe once.

Anyway - as she walked down the aisle, DH said (quietly he thought) to me that it’s a good job the aisle was wide.

I gave him a nudge as to say ‘shut it’.

DH was later confronted by one of the bride’s friends who was sat in front of us who told him she heard the comment and thought he was disgusting (words to that effect).

DH is now worried that this friend would have reported back to his mate, and wants to reach out to say sorry.

I think he should shut it and that his mate probably hasn’t been told. DH disagrees…would you agree it’s best not to say anything?

I doubt the brides friend will repeat your husbands hilarious wisecrack as she won’t want it getting back to her friend and upsetting her.
what an awful thing to say though.
The only appropriate thing to say about someone on their wedding day is ‘you look fabulous’
I’d be so embarrassed but he sounds more arsed about his mate falling out with him rather than the hurt he could have caused this woman on her wedding day.

Only after rotting in situ for a while of course

Even if it's supposed to be a ''silly joke'', how isn't it nasty when it's about someone's weight? and not just on any day but their wedding day.

What kind of person would make that kind of shitty misogynistic"joke" at someone's wedding?

It's incredibly nasty and wildly inappropriate. The fact that you may not see that doesn't change the fact that it's how most people on here are perceiving it. Maybe you need to raise your expectations?

Your husband made a stupid mistake and not a very nice one at that. To comment to you in private is one thing, but to do it in a church with the bride walking down the aisle was insensitive and wrong. The bride's friend absolutely did the right thing by confronting your husband - hopefully it will make him think twice in the future before opening his mouth. I doubt very much the friend will tell the bride, if I were the friend in this situation, I wouldn't. She dealt with the situation herself, and in my mind there's no reason to upset the bride. I think your husband would be better to say nothing but if it does become apparent the groom is aware, he will need to grovel and apologise.

Please please ignore all the perfect comments who say hes an arse and you should leave him. I’d have giggled and said shut up and then been unbelievably mortified when confronted but it certainly isn’t misogynistic or abusive. I have made loads of fat jokes over the years because my partners mother said I wasn’t his usual type cos I was too thin and it’s become a stupid joke now but god I’d never say anything like it to anyone else

Jesus, what an absolutely awful man. Gross.

He's probably mortified because he fears his friend won't want to go drinking with him anymore and chat shit about women.

If this person is going round collecting comments about overweight ness to report back, she’ll be busy. I’m sure your husband wasn’t the only one who commented, dont worry about it. The bride knows what size she is, and that she’s visible, and that people make comments of all sorts! No biggie.

Is he sorry for what he said or sorry that he was overheard? The fact that he feels comfortable enough to say something like that as a bride is walking down the aisle demonstrates his character, and the fact that you do not seem surprised and are just focused on minimising it says a lot about your character too.

what nasty twat, bet he is far from an Adonis. If she was only a size 16, that’s far from needing a wide aisle. Not that it matters what size she is. It’s a horrible thing to say 😡

Well yes, I can't imagine having such low standards.

What ???

She wasn't going around collecting comments, she was sitting in front of the dickhead when he made the comment.

But way to blame a woman for a man's dickery.

Your dh stage whispers body shaming the actual bride in a crowded church, where he is likely to be caught (adds to the fun I guess), on her special day and all he is worried about now is he gets told on 🙈 You picked yourself a charmer there.

I hope it does get back to his mate and his mate stands up for his bride and tells your dh to do one - although I doubt it as men like that tend to only be tolerated by their own ilk (I am including their wives in that).

It won't be this one comment, though.

That kind of comment doesn't come from nowhere. The fact that it even occurred to him to say it in the first place says a huge amount about his attitude towards women and his values as a person.

As for the jokes that you make to your husband... maybe have a think about what you're saying and why you wouldn't want anyone else to hear. Perhaps they're not as funny as you think they are.

I think if your husband is in any doubt about whether the comment made it back to the married couple, he is best to say nothing. The priority here is to protect the bride's feelings / not tarnish the couple's memories of the day, rather than give your husband the relief of absolution.

If he apologises he risks bringing the situation to their attention when it wasn't before. He should wait until if/when his friend confronts him about it. If the couple do know and decide not to say anything to him but no doubt think worse of him privately for it, then that's just the consequence of his nastiness and he has to live with that.

I have made loads of fat jokes over the years

How nasty , misogynistic and not the least bit funny.

This. Your husband is a dick. What an awful thing to say on someone’s big day.

If I were the friend, I wouldn't bring thos any further as it would be upsetting for the couple and I wouldn't want to cast that shadow over their wedding.

Well done to her though for pulling up the asshole. Unless he's intent on causing them upset, he really needs to keep his trap shut.

Makes me wonder what he says about you when you aren't around. You sound far too complacent about this.

I hope it doesn't get back to the happy couple but I wouldn't be surprised if this one does - the bride's friend has no 'oh, that's just Geoff, he's a bit of a dick' loyalty to a total stranger, and it's such a crass thing to say (not even a joke, ffs, just a nasty comment) that it's the kind of thing you'd quietly tell another friend, who'd probably tell another friend, etc...

@Emonade well luckily there's a horse for every rider, and for every man that feels that making jokes about a woman's body at her wedding in earshot of other women, including HIS WIFE who recently worked hard to reduce her body size to a level he presumably finds "not a joke", there's a woman like you who feels that it's neither misogynistic or abusive.

I’m going to step out of here now.

Thanks to those who’ve provided reasoned responses which have helped me rationalise - I think you are probably right in that the friend wouldn’t want to upset the bride by mentioning this. DH has got his comeuppance through squirming ever since that day!

The ‘LTB’ brigade - it’s a wonder there’s any couples left in this world if any misdemeanour however minor results in separation!

I lost weight for myself, not for anyone else. Because I wanted to be healthier and hopefully prolong my life down the line. There’s nothing wrong with being a bit larger, I had men who liked me then just as they do now.

of course he shouldn't say anything to his mate. as its unlikely she will tell her, because who would tell someone that especially about their wedding day.

horrid thing to say as someone walks down the aisle. very poor form.