Husband commented on Bride’s size and her friend overheard

[PollTravels]

As above really. Wedding on Saturday - DH’s mate. We don’t really know his now wife too well, I’d never met her and DH had met her maybe once.

Anyway - as she walked down the aisle, DH said (quietly he thought) to me that it’s a good job the aisle was wide.

I gave him a nudge as to say ‘shut it’.

DH was later confronted by one of the bride’s friends who was sat in front of us who told him she heard the comment and thought he was disgusting (words to that effect).

DH is now worried that this friend would have reported back to his mate, and wants to reach out to say sorry.

I think he should shut it and that his mate probably hasn’t been told. DH disagrees…would you agree it’s best not to say anything?

BMI is utter crap. It was designed as a population measure, not for individuals.

He’s a fucking prick. You realise he’d have made that comment about you when you were bigger?

Exactly. But sizing doesn’t work either. My friend was a model at 5 foot 11 and wore a size 14 aged 17. She’s well into a 16 by her mid forties but doesn’t look at all fat. She’s tall and broad but not fat.

The person you first quoted on this thread said about fat loss injections helping cure obesity... which it is. Then you made a comment about being bitter etc... so yes, you did indeed start that argument first.

It really isnt. Size 16 is the average size because we have gotten fatter as a society, hence a lot more people being fat and obese.

This is what you originally wrote @Emonade. Don’t forget we can all look back. You were clearly saying it was funny and you made fun of people.

Healthcare system use it, and it's a very important tool in assessing ill patients, but I'm sure the NHS will change that immediately since you think it is utter crap. How should we measure weight then?

I mean that just isn’t what it reads as, i was deliberately saying it in a way to piss off the Im perfect fat brigade and honestly you should’ve seen how fat everyone in the pool was

It’s not a radical idea that it’s not designed for individual use. And how medical practitioners might measure weight is t really relevant to whether it’s vile and unnecessary to make horrible comments about a not particularly large woman on her wedding day.

Sorry, that makes no sense. You said you were laughing at people in the pool. When you were pulled up you said you called one man who stole your child’s toys a fat bastard. That’s two totally different et scenarios.

Of course it's used for individual use, it's a tool used globally, same as clothing size. Still yet to suggest an alternative measuring tool? No one is saying the comments were not horrible, but saying a size 14/16 is slim is delusional and the people that think that are kidding themselves.

It wasn’t designed for individuals. That’s just a fact.
Clothing sizes vary within shops, never mind between shops and between countries.
Nobody has said 14/16 is slim. They’ve said it’s not fat. Which, unless you are very short, it isn’t.

Here you go @OnePearlJoker
Not all medical people rate BMI. lots of other ways to measure healthy bodies here.
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/255712#are-people-misclassified

Healthcare uses BMI as a tool to assess individual patients, that is a fact. We can see how much a patient has lost or put on during their stay, so yes it is very much used as a personalised indicator. Plenty of people on this thread said 14/16 was slim... so i stand corrected. I'm 5'6 and a size 16 on me would be huge, and i know because i was a size 16 and 15plus stone. Not slim, very fat indeed.

Why? Why is it?
I don't think it's any different

Not least because (and I am far from alone in this) it was heavy steroid treatment for a life limiting condition that (thankfully temporarily) made me very large and with a very fat and puffy face.

You think when people mocked me for my appearance (and they did) that that was ok?

As a NHS HCP, so a "medical person," we use BMI amongst other tools. Lot of other ways indeed to measure bodies but when one of the worlds biggest health organisations choose to use BMI, what does that tell you? How do you measure your weight to see if youre healthy? still waiting for an alternative?

I’m aware it’s used. I didn’t say it wasn’t. I said it wasn’t designed for that. Which it wasn’t. I don’t measure my weight to see if I’m healthy. I use measures of actual health, plus waist to height ratio. I need to lose weight. My age adjusted BMI is in the overweight category, for reference. I’m 5’10” and a size 16/18. I’m definitely overweight, but I wouldn’t say I was ‘very fat’.

Point proved 👌

I get what you are saying. With any tool, it will have its flaws. BMI does not counter for muscle mass, so an Olympic running champion will probably be deemed as overweight or obese, when they are indeed very healthy. However, in terms of the general public not many people are training at that standard and the NHS also uses the waist to height ratio as a tool. But in terms of assessing a patient in terms of weight related health issues then yes it is standard to go off that tool. I also think a lot of this is down to perception and what a indvidual will deem as a normal "body size". My perception of fat will be different to yours and vice versa, same with someone who is slim. Someone might think a person is really skinny whilst another person might think they are slim/healthy weight.

It was a nasty and uncalled for thing to say. If it does get back to the groom then that’s on your dh. He sounds a charmer

Your husband sounds revolting. LTB

I don’t think it was OK, @ungratefulcat, and I am sorry that happened to you.

Classic! I miss the laugh emoji!

Its really not. People laugh at people with disabilities because they think their different body and behaviour is inferior to their own. People who do this often dont have much reason to feel good about themselves, often because they are of lower intelligence, socially inept, or feel inferior in other ways, so they grab the opportunity to feel better than others when it presents. You giggle at your partners jokes about fat women because it makes you briefly feel good about yourself. You're not a fat woman who gets laughed at, so you're doing OK. Perhaps you have issues with your own appearance that you need to resolve, because a grown woman who purports to be a feminist giggling at fatter women isn't healthy behaviour.

you keep talking about hate and prejudice.

Again, I really don't care enough to "hate" anyone. I leave you to your own prejudice.