Husband commented on Bride’s size and her friend overheard

[PollTravels]

As above really. Wedding on Saturday - DH’s mate. We don’t really know his now wife too well, I’d never met her and DH had met her maybe once.

Anyway - as she walked down the aisle, DH said (quietly he thought) to me that it’s a good job the aisle was wide.

I gave him a nudge as to say ‘shut it’.

DH was later confronted by one of the bride’s friends who was sat in front of us who told him she heard the comment and thought he was disgusting (words to that effect).

DH is now worried that this friend would have reported back to his mate, and wants to reach out to say sorry.

I think he should shut it and that his mate probably hasn’t been told. DH disagrees…would you agree it’s best not to say anything?

Stop trying to justify sniggering at someone else’s appearance with your partner as being perfectly normal, what is wrong with you?
You sound like a right pair, possibly with plenty to be sniggered at if you were surrounded by people just like you.

It's strange because you could align yourself here with plus-size influencers who advocate for body positivity or even identify themselves as fat liberation activists. One of the hosts of the Maintenance Phase podcasts refers to herself as fat and argues for the word to be used freely, as a descriptor that carries no negative judgement but simply identifies a particular body type.

So arguing for the use of the word fat could be a positive thing for society. Except that when someone like her argues for the right to identify fat people as fat, she's doing it to destigmatise the word. Some other people who argue for their right to use the word don't wish to remove the stigma at all; they mean it as a criticism and an insult and they want to be able to use it as such. The OP's husband sounds like the latter - he absolutely wasn't making a factual comment (not that it would be OK to do that about a bride walking down the aisle anyway!) but he was clearly malicious and mocking of her size.

So yeah, I'm all for the use of the word fat but only if it's used in a neutral fashion, not if it gives people licence to be cruel to others.

I am not sneering, a very very overweight teenager nicked our baby’s toys and then hid them and we called him fat bastard to each other not in earshot of anyone!

Quite a different scenario to what was implied in your earlier post about all the fun you had joking about how fat multiple people in the pool were! I don't see the need for adding fat to bastard in this new story, but either way it's not quite what you were suggesting before.

I suspect it's denial. Hardly anyone was fat in my day or my parents and grandparents day. Over the years it got normalised. The tide seems to be turning. Being fat is not healthy. But people will argue that weight has nothing to do with health...this comes from a person who was formerly obese. I feel great, I look great and most importantly I'm healthy.

I am not trying to be cruel. It's just factual that you would be better if you lost weight, you are fat.

It's unhealthy to claim because a size 14-16 is "average" it's the RIGHT size, and it's hypocritical to attack women who are a perfectly normal 6 or 8 and abuse them because they are not fat. The double standards are tiresome.

I just worry that people will rely so much on the jabs that they will think it's the easy way out for their kids do, and they won't make effort. It's much easier - and healthier - to maintain a healthy weight than to lose weight. Going for the easy road of feeding your kids crap and them giving them medication is a worry.

Would you find it equally necessary to describe the groom's big nose and the best man's sticky out ears? Or is it just weight which absolutely must be commented on?

Body postivity is a celebration of all sizes, not just plus size BTW

Where on the thread is anyone abusing slim women? This is a thread about a man mocking a bride for being fat as she walked down the aisle! Whatever anyone's thoughts about the word fat, or weight loss jabs or fat people's health, it's not ok to make a comment like that about a bride at that moment!

I didn't say it wasn't???

I have a couple of friends who have reasons for their weight gain and they do t deserve the attitude you have. Even posters here have spoken of steroid use. Does that count as a “ chip on the shoulder?”

No you did not, but you said plus size people who advocate for body positivity. It's a movement to celebrate all shapes and sizes, not just fat ones.

I think the OP was talking about you having a chip on your shoulder, due to your previous comment, so if the people you mentioned are like you then yes i would say that counts.

It was such a cruel thing to say about a woman on her wedding day. If I was the brides friend I would have been absolutely livid and your DH deserved what he got. If you want to defend him that’s fine but bear in mind that if he feels comfortable making jabs at a bride on her wedding day because of her size, you best believe if you put any of your weight back on that he’ll be judging you.

'You would be better'. Be better?!
I can't work out if this is you not bothering to hide your distain towards overweight people or a Freudian slip letting your hatred slip out.

hopefully when everybody is back to a normal healthy weight, people won't scream "fat shamer", will lose the chip on their shoulder and will stop calling people "nasty bitter people" for stating the obvious.

I think people deserve a day off on their wedding day though.

I wasn't talking about the thread specifically. Of course people get abused for not being fat - the pile on everytime someone mention finding it hard to find clothes that fit, or worst, when someone dares saying they had a salad for lunch. But back to the thread,

Nowhere have I said it was acceptable to make any comment other than positive about a bride on her wedding.

The bride being fat or not fat is completely irrelevant here, the comment was stupid, and not acceptable.

Or pointing out the benefits that if a fat person lost weight, they would have better health?

better off, healthier.. pick the word you prefer.

It is possible to have an opinion without any specific emotion, you are the one who translate every comment as "hatred". Most of us don't care enough to have any real feeling about it, let alone "hate".

When you can't find a thread without someone saying they feel too big, they need to lose weight, they are trying to lose weight, they let themselves go, they put on weight after a baby, what are the best way to lose weight, what clothes can they wear to hide the weight.. you'd think our society has some kind of excess weight problem, wouldn't you?

If the poster meant ones health would statistically be likely to be better, perhaps they could have written that? And not the moral judgement that one would just 'be better'.

Unfortunately, many people have negative opinions about larger sizes but it behooves them to keep those opinions to themselves!

Healthier would be a great choice of word, although of course it's never as simple as slim = healthy and fat = unhealthy. Healthy avoids the suggestion that thin people are just 'better' than fat people, which obviously only a judgemental arsehole would think.

I was reacting to the insane people on here! And I didn’t suggest we had so much fun, honestly it was quite the opposite, it was one of the grimmest experiences

the subject is obviously touching a nerve with you

You see hate in every comment. Again, I don't care enough. I am not going to pretend that there's ever anything remotely positive in being overweight though.
Call this being a "fat-shamer", it's on you, not me.

I was once with a guy who would say this kind of thing. He took pleasure in saying mean, cutting things about people. Sometimes I remember it and thank the universe that I ended up with someone who is kind. You don't have to accept this shit in a man.