Husband commented on Bride’s size and her friend overheard

[PollTravels]

As above really. Wedding on Saturday - DH’s mate. We don’t really know his now wife too well, I’d never met her and DH had met her maybe once.

Anyway - as she walked down the aisle, DH said (quietly he thought) to me that it’s a good job the aisle was wide.

I gave him a nudge as to say ‘shut it’.

DH was later confronted by one of the bride’s friends who was sat in front of us who told him she heard the comment and thought he was disgusting (words to that effect).

DH is now worried that this friend would have reported back to his mate, and wants to reach out to say sorry.

I think he should shut it and that his mate probably hasn’t been told. DH disagrees…would you agree it’s best not to say anything?

The thing with MN is that people are so extreme. Was this a kind thing to do? No. Is he scum of the earth, evil, psychotic and OP should LTB immediately…no. In real life this sort of stuff happens all the time. It’s not always pleasant and people shouldn’t behave like they do. But honestly the saintly standards of MN do make me wonder how people survive sometimes.

Also @dontlletmedownbruce I bet you looked lovely on your wedding day. Being a size 16 is neither here nor here; brides are radiant. I'm sure all your guests thought you were beautiful and were very happy for you.

What a horrible man you are married to

I think the reason I find this kind of thread so offensive is that there is a societal blind spot with being rude and unkind about weight.

I can’t think of any other superficial comment that people might have even come close to deeming “ funny” as a bride walked down the aisle . A racial slur “joke”? Or a comment along the lines of “thank goodness for the veil with a face like that?”

I mean no one would even think of giggling.

What is it that makes people think it’s acceptable to joke about the bride being “fat” when other nasty superficial comments aren’t?

You are making it worse by implying that a 14/16 is big although I know plenty of MN users will think it is unfortunately.

If you really think this sort of thing happens all the time, you should be more mindful of the company you keep.
It certainly doesn’t happen all the time in my world. Or even some of the time.

Urgh this is exactly why we had wedding with just close people for day and night (I was really slim so not that but just …..dickheads judgement ) we only invited close friends and family or people that cared about us. He is vile…. Her friend won’t say anything. He shouldn’t say a word. He should own it and keep quiet, yak.

why unfortunately? On no planet is a size 16 not "big" but that's completely irrelevant here.

It's a wedding, you smile and nod and are gracious. You keep any comment you might have to yourself, especially when the bride walks down the aisle. The "rude uncle" vibe popping up with inappropriate comment is completely unacceptable.

Brides are like babies. It really doesn't matter what they look like, you make compliments on the day or you shut up until you are safely back at home.

No one cares if a guest thinks a woman shouldn't wear white because (shock horror) she has a child already and she is not a virgin, or shouldn't wear white because (shock horror) she's not 18 anymore, or if a guest suddenly discovers the bride and groom are big people.

On planet I’m 5ft 10 and a size 14-16 as I guarantee if you looked at me you wouldn’t say I was big. I’m on the lower weight end for my height and people think I’m a 12 max. People aren’t great at fully understanding clothing sizes imo.

But what if she doesn’t look very beautiful? I know the answer by the way… it’s to not say anything at all.

Absolute nonsense! otherwise you are a nun and your DH is a saint. People judge people all the time. Nobody lives in a world where everyone is kind and non judgmental all the time.

I am sure you look amazingly tall and skinny and make Kate Middleton look chubby next to you. Size 16 is very small indeed. You just have to wonder what a size 8 - 5ft 9 could possibly look like.

Women carry weight differently. Having a curvy hips and bum with a small waist isn't 'fat'

My guesses - either he’s hiding a latent attraction towards the bride or he’s one of those charmers that puts down any women within eyesight of his DW/DP in the hope she’ll be so flattered she will reward him by swooning into bed.

Sounds to me as if your OH is scared of getting a pasting by the brides OH and wants to get his apology in first. Teach your OH some manners.

I'd like to think I live in a world where people don't openly mock a bride walking down the aisle though.

Or he's an insecure arsehole who puts others down to feel better about himself.

He didn’t openly mock her. He spoke to his wife and it was overheard accidentally. How unfortunate.

It’s not like he stood up in front of everyone and proclaimed his distaste for the size of the bride in front of the congregation!

I can’t think of anytime who would say that at a wedding as the bride came down the aisle.
At one - just one - wedding I have been to, a guest on our table commented on the dress after much wine had been drunk. But it was just the dress not the actual bride and his “ humour” got a fairly frosty reception. No giggling. Hardly “all the time” in my experience.

He spoke loudly enough to be overheard. I honestly can't get my head around anyone trying to defend this. I can only assume that you must have been caught out making similarly nasty comments yourself.

"In real life this sort of stuff happens all the time. "

No, it really doesn't.

If it happens all the time, you're in an emotionally toxic environment.

If it happens all the time, people aren't getting consequences for their shit talking.

I've been to plenty of weddings. I have never heard anyone shit talking the bride as they were walking down the aisle. That's a new low to me.

He said his thoughts out loud, loud enough for someone else to hear. That is an open mock.

If the felt the need to tell his poor wife what a fat fuck the bride was couldn't he have had the 'decency' to say it later that evening, you know after the wedding was over.

But he had to know that even if you whisper, when everyone is waiting for the drive to complete her walk down the aisle, you're likely to be heard.

I think he wanted to share his 'wit' with others.

In what world is 14/16 fat???

Same