Husband commented on Bride’s size and her friend overheard

[PollTravels]

As above really. Wedding on Saturday - DH’s mate. We don’t really know his now wife too well, I’d never met her and DH had met her maybe once.

Anyway - as she walked down the aisle, DH said (quietly he thought) to me that it’s a good job the aisle was wide.

I gave him a nudge as to say ‘shut it’.

DH was later confronted by one of the bride’s friends who was sat in front of us who told him she heard the comment and thought he was disgusting (words to that effect).

DH is now worried that this friend would have reported back to his mate, and wants to reach out to say sorry.

I think he should shut it and that his mate probably hasn’t been told. DH disagrees…would you agree it’s best not to say anything?

So if he wasn't fat shaming the bride, what was he doing?

What a dick.

What do you mean "okay" ?
Is being fat a moral issue now?

Regardless of how good or bad it is, the point is that a size 14/16 woman (and thus, bride) is hardly unusual and thus not just cruel and rude to point out but odd to take so much notice of.

I dobt understand the poster saying "of course people notice" ( when someone is a size 14/16) - they (and the DH) must be in a state of constant amazement every time they walk down the street. It's like saying "of course people notice when someone has glasses." Notice yes, noteworthy, no.

Okay? Who said I was the authority on weight? What I meant is people saying “it’s the average” doesn’t make it healthy. And like I also said yeah, it was a bad joke.

The fact that you think this is is a minor misdemeanour tells me everything I need to know about you. Good luck to you and your “DH”. Off you flounce from the thread.

A time and a place and that’s not whilst attending a friend wedding. If you’ve got nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.

You literally said just because it’s average doesn’t mean it’s okay.

hopefully the day the "average" weight in the UK goes back down and we start seeing a healthier attitude to food and weight , and healthier weights around, will be the day we won't hear about fat shaming nonsense anymore

Hopefully the new weight management jabs are the start of it.

But protected characteristics? 😂

Yes I would. Preserving a friendship and protecting someone from unnecessary hurt would be the better choice. But I suppose some people will do anything if it makes them feel a little more virtuous!

Of course, but that’s not what I was referring to, it was about averages and whether that’s okay or not.

No one should be the butt of a joke, but especially not on their wedding day.

i think people are overreacting and as a result OP has been bullied out of the thread she started due to so many people having a go at HER.

Her husband said a really mean and hurtful thing and OP acknowledges this and pulled him up on it. Well done her. People say and do stupid things all the time, but we don’t know anything else about him or their relationship. His poor behaviour does not make him a bad person. He may be genuinely contrite and may hopefully have learned an important lesson.

OP was asking advice, and the resulting pile on is excessive and unnecessary.

It wasn't a kind thing to say but come on, most of male jokes. I'm very flat chested, mu husband makes book / bee sting jokes at me.

What do you mean by okay in this context though?
Sounds very judgemental.

God, the idea of someone who can watch a bride walk down the aisle and think something cruel about her is so offputting. In that moment, when she should be feeling beautiful and happy and loved, the nasty, vicious pettiness of a person who can't appreciate being part of something so special and instead comes out with a spiteful comment, what on earth does it say about that person? I couldn't be with anyone that mean-spirited! Whether it's about her weight or any other aspect of her appearance isn't the point. It's what must be missing in his head - the most basic empathy, kindness and humanity - that this is what he's thinking. Anyone with the slightest shred of emotional maturity and a grip on what it means to be a human being just doesn't think of an unkind 'joke' about a bride walking down the aisle. What an absolute grade-A colossal dickhead he must be.

I hope the bride never hears of it, but if she does then at least that couple cam drop this prick from their lives forever; they'll be much better off if they do!

🙄

This! Yes, it’s nasty and he shouldn’t have said it when there was a risk of anyone overhearing but the commenters here can’t seriously claim to have never had a bitchy thought about someone else’s appearance. He probably said what a few others were thinking!

OP said she was a similar size once 14-16! That’s hardly obese! In fact if you’re over 5ft 9 thats a normal size!

There’s a big gap between a bitchy thought and a bitchy comment…
And she’s a 14/16. Vanishingly few people will have had a bitchy thought about a normal sized woman.

That’s why I said he should’ve had the sense not to say it or at least wait until a noisier moment to vocalise it so no one would overhear.

Well no the point is that your husband was disgusted by you when you needed your hallways to be widened so that you could pass. Wonder what he thought about sex with you. He might keep you now, but you are only good enough if your jeans are not size 14.

Maybe it wasn’t her body size but the size of her big white meringue dress that made him comment.
in which case everyone who thought his comment was about her body must really think being fat is an abomination.

Women aren't a "brigade" because they don't agree with you, @PollTravels - the fact that you're trying to reduce a huge number of women (all of whom think your husband is a nasty piece of work) to a mob is really sad.

Maybe - just maybe - the women on this thread aren't the problem. Maybe it's your spiteful dickhead of a husband who is.

I wonder why you're so desperate to defend him.

Your husband is a jerk. Personally I would have told him that it was a horrible comment rather than just saying shut it as if he was just being loud.

Sounds like the Bride has a true friend. I would imagine she called your out and dealt with it herself rather than putting a damper on the Bride's memory of walking up the aisle.

I agree with this. I’m not a sentimental person at all but there is something special about that moment when the bride is walking down the aisle. I just find it extra horrible that someone would be having such cruel thoughts about a friend or friends partner at that particular moment.

I suspect that, if that was the case, the OP wouldn't have been so worried, @Thindog.

I was a bigger bride (size 22) and I would have been devastated if one of my guests had said something like this to me.