Husband commented on Bride’s size and her friend overheard

[PollTravels]

As above really. Wedding on Saturday - DH’s mate. We don’t really know his now wife too well, I’d never met her and DH had met her maybe once.

Anyway - as she walked down the aisle, DH said (quietly he thought) to me that it’s a good job the aisle was wide.

I gave him a nudge as to say ‘shut it’.

DH was later confronted by one of the bride’s friends who was sat in front of us who told him she heard the comment and thought he was disgusting (words to that effect).

DH is now worried that this friend would have reported back to his mate, and wants to reach out to say sorry.

I think he should shut it and that his mate probably hasn’t been told. DH disagrees…would you agree it’s best not to say anything?

As ever, the wise @mbosnz has summed it up perfectly.

Regardless of what he said to you, it was a private conversation and absolutely nothing to do with the brides friend. What good will it do if she decides to tell the groom? If she does say anything then I would be tempted to deny and claim she misheard. Who made her the thought police.

Thanks, yes. I don’t see the point in taking the content of other peoples heads as personal. Definitely not if they don’t know me!

But you said you would have giggled at the DH's comment when he made it?

Do you not see how fucked up that is?

I think I know the answer even if indirectly, but was it actually completely your choice to lose weight, OP?

I'm sorry, but you are massively underplaying this and trying to make our the hive minds of Mumsnet is crackers. But this is not the case. Imagine the bride heard is funny little joke as she walked down the aisle. She would have been absolutely gutted. It probably would have ruined the most important day of her life. That is not funny. The fact you think people are overreacting in their responses is clearly why he felt he could make this joke to you.

Well except he wasn’t “thinking” was he, he was commenting, and clearly loud enough to be heard by people a decent distance away. So you’d lie and protect the twat who got himself in this position would you?

Is he only sorry because he was overheard though? Maybe he’ll learn the consequences of saying such things in future.

I'd stay out of it if I were you, it's not worth getting dragged into the whole debacle.

For some reason this really upset me. I can't imagine walking down the aisle, feeling amazing on the best day of my life and some spiteful arsehole making snide remarks about my appearance.

She's paid for that nasty little man to eat and be entertained for the day and his contribution is fat shaming her. She's invited people she cares about to share her big day.

I would be at a crossroads in the relationship. I couldn't stay with such a nasty piece of work.

I don’t think the friend would want to risk the bride hearing about the comment. If he reaches out to apologise then they’ll definitely know. Also don’t think this is a situation in which an apology would smooth things over. If they know then they’re rightly going to be upset about it/probably end the friendship.

Obviously it was a very rude comment and he’s an idiot, but you know that.

You’re absolutely right that he shouldn’t now bring it up with the husband or anyone else. I think it’s very unlikely the bride’s friend would say anything. If she does then he’ll have to cross that bridge, but it’s not really like there’s anything he can do other than apologise profusely.

It’s hardly fat shaming if he didn’t say the comment to the bride. He made a comment to his own wife. Someone overheard a conversation which was intended to be private. If the other woman passes on the details about the comment then that would be fat shaming because it’s more likely to get back to the person the comment was about. Like it or not people do form opinions on people’s looks and share thoughts and feelings with their partners. The only thing he did wrong was to misjudge how loudly he was speaking. That’s not fat shaming.

Oh, give over.
Normal people don’t voice those opinions loudly enough for those in adjacent seats to hear on someone’s wedding day.

It wasn't private. And he likely knew he would be overheard, such is his entitlement that he thinks people would just accept fat shaming.

the time and place were beyond stupid and inappropriate. Completely unacceptable.

That said, no one gets to police or dictate what other people joke about or find funny. Thank god we live in a country where we can just about anything, just not in front of "anyone". Time, place and audience matter.

On what planet is it a private conversation?

He said it as she was walking down the aisle surrounded by their closest family and friends.

Another one here who thinks she wouldn't have told her, so she didn't spoil her special day. I don't think your husband should say anything. Imagine if he didn't know, and your husband told him that!!! That's far worse!!! Perhaps this has taught him an important lesson! May he learn from it!

No one has tried to dictate to anyone. Do you see anyone here saying 'You must not do this'? No, you don't.

Thank god we live in a country where we can just about anything, just not in front of "anyone".

So you are the one dictating?

I have known so many men like this and I don’t get it. Why are they obsessed with the weight of women they are not even dating. This would put me off my partner so much

you are free to call anything and everything "fat shaming".

others can just laugh at what they found funny. Monica dancing in a fat suit in Friends made a lot of people laugh. Nowadays in the UK where the "average" size has gone up sensibly, the majority involved doesn't want to find it amusing.

People make fun of things, that's life.

Again, not appropriate at the wedding, in front of recording device and near the bride!

One day, perhaps fat shaming will be as unacceptable as racism and homophobia.

Can't wait for physical appearance to become a protected characteristic.

I have just scrolled past a video where a man commented on a brand new mums video telling her to put her ‘beer belly’ away.
Men hate women more than ever I think.

and they’re never Henry Cavil themselves either are they 🤣