Am I too much ? Asking DH to do his business in the spare toilet

[funnypost]

This is a funny one. We have 3 and a half bathrooms in our house. 3 upstairs and 1 little bathroom downstairs.

upstairs there are 2 en suites- one off the master bedroom and one off the guest room, plus a family bathroom.

I loathe walking into a bathroom and it being smelly. I just can’t deal with it. It’s gross.

at weekends, DH tends to do his business in the master en suite. But this is where all our stuff is. I hate not being able to go up there or if I really need to, having to breathe in the disgusting smell.

so I’ve asked him, why can’t you just use one of the bathrooms that’s just completely not in use ? Why do you need to use the bathroom that’s most in use by me and also near our bedroom, which also makes the idea of it gross.

I would just never dream of doing it. I try to be discreet and use one of the bathrooms that’s not got all our stuff in.

men just don’t think like this right ? My DH thinks I’m ridiculous but also finds it funny and has complied.

what does everyone think ? Do I sound like I have a stick up my bum ? I just can’t stand it. I’m really funny about it and think all traces should be covered up. DH thinks I’m ridiculous and that it’s a normal thing in life and I’m way too uptight.

If it really, really smells awful then he should go to the doctor!! Or look at his diet. Poo shouldn’t smell so bad that you can’t stand him pooing in a bathroom, surely the smell disappears quickly and isn’t that bad?!

My husband is very considerate with his toilet habits and we only have one toilet, not four to choose from. I don’t know what your drama is. You’ve asked him to use another loo and he’s complied. Does your poo smell of roses.

For goodness sake, we all have bodily functions, OP. What a lot of fuss over nothing.
Like most people in the UK, we just have one bathroom, so using a different loo is not a "luxury" I have ever thought about.
Just open a window, if you're so bothered.
Your poor husband lives in the house too - he can use whichever loo he wants!

Do you have a supermarket nearby? Can’t he go there instead?

100%. How hard is it to not use the one bathroom that your wife would prefer you not to use? Worst case scenario it involves walking a bit further and maybe using stairs, but given that most of us would benefit from a bit more exercise that could be argued to be a favour to him, not an inconvenience.

He "can use whichever loo he wants", but also he "can go a tiny bit out of his way in order to make his wife happy". Which of these sentences best reflects what a good husband will do?

We have an en suite with an archway, no door. We both use the main bathroom for poos, it's never been discussed we both just do! I think it's just good manners to not stink up the en suite. I do use it when DH is away for work though!

God you can’t even say the word? I think you need therapy OP.

We all need to poo. You need to get over it. For what it’s worth I do think it’s fine to say “DH please can you do your big shits in the upstairs / downstairs toilet as it stinks the bedroom out”

But you sound overly anxious about it which isn’t normal.

https://amzn.eu/d/79aIYOc

Spray this down toilet, shit, leave without a godawful smell accompanying you

I'm with you on this. An ensuite feels like part of the bedroom and I always use the main toilet to poo and so does DH. I've never asked him to, we just do. If we only had one bathroom it wouldn't be an issue because it wouldn't be in our bedroom.

lol. Forgot about the weird Mumsnet reverse snobbery about en-suites.

So get some good air fresheners. What would you do it this was your only lavatory? And why not keep your stuff in one of the other bathrooms? It's a bodily function. Everyone shits.

I’m glad he’s complied, but surely the smell would be gone in about 15 minutes with the en suite door shut and window open; the smell shouldn’t travel under the door? Does he shut the en suite door again once he’s finished?
If you have a tiny bathroom window (or none) and the smell comes under the door even if it’s shut, then I think it’s reasonable and considerate to use a bathroom with ventilation.

I could have written this myself, OP! We even have the same number of toilets/en-suites. YANBU at all.

I have never been able to stand the smell of poo (has been known to make me throw up) and although my DH will sometimes use the other en-suite, it’s not consistent. My current battle is getting him to shut our en-suite door and leave the fan on so I’m not subjected to unexpected whiffs when I go into our bedroom. If we ever win the lottery I’ll be insisting we move to a house with his and her en-suites.

I would have thought your set-up is 100% normal, with the possible caveat that I wouldn't be surprised if many peopel like you choose to avoid the en-suite even when in the house alone.

But it isn't! Why would anyone live their life as though their circumstances are worse than they are?

"Why are you moaning that you husband enters your home office without knocking every thirty minutes, interrupting important calls and leading to disciplinary action from your boss? After all if you lived in a tiny flat and had to work in the kictchen your husband would be perfectly in his rights to disturb you constantly right up to the point you were sacked"

We have an ensuite, with door (and window). we shower, brush teeth, and use the toilet for bodily functions....no rules, apart from no going in if someone's using the loo. (I'm OK if DH wants to brush his teeth/shave/moisturiser when I'm in the shower)

Ok nobody’s poo smells like flowers, but if you clean the toilet regularly, then it shouldn’t smell. Like I said poo does sme but not as bad as you’re saying it is, surely after a couple of flushes and a spray of air freshener if it’s needed then the smell will go, if not I’d get him to go to the doctor.

Why can't YOU use a different bathroom?

I think the key point here is consideration. If it bothers OP then DH should be considerate to that, whatever his thoughts are or what you think he is 'entitled' to. That's marriage. In this case the simplest way to be considerate is to use a different toilet - so why are so many people advocating for him not to?

If it's so smelly when he goes to the toilet that it has become a problem it seems that he isn't being very considerate in clearing the smell when he goes. As many PP have pointed out, opening a window or lighting a match doesn't take much, but that's on DH, not OP to do. If he can't manage that, then yes he needs to move.

One toilet. I've raised 2 boys to manhood (and their associated giant shits) w/o vomiting, torching the bathroom, evicting my sons or spending a fortune on air fresheners. TBH, teaching them to wee was harder than any poo issues (and yes, they do wee in the right place, or clean up if they miss - it took some shouting at times).

There's an occasional bad smell, but it soon dissipates, I'd be worried about their guts/diet and/or our plumbing if it lingered for more than a few mins.

DH has a medical condition that can make his faeces smell awful (makes my eyes water, without exaggeration.) His urine also usually smells quite strong, for the same medical reasons. I also sometimes get diarrhea as an after effect of radiotherapy to my pelvic area. We have one toilet, without a window. We are a family, we love each other, we suck it up. The smell goes away pretty quickly so it’s only a problem if timing means we have to follow each other into the toilet.

OP you are BU, you should use another toilet if you wish.

If your DH were leaving skidmark or making the toilet seat or floor dirty or not flushing that would be different but he can’t really help how his poo smells.

En suite is mine with regards to all the stuff in it and i'm the only one who uses the shower and sink - DH does use toilet now and again but mainly in the night. If he does need to use it other times I go in spray and open the window but it does gross me out when i go in the bedroom and he has took a crap and the whole room stinks. I live with 4 grown men (DH and adult sons) and they all use the main bathroom - I tend to not use it and only go in to clean.

My bedroom and en suite is the only 'me space' I have. I don't think you are being unreasonable - especially if he has to pass other toilets to get to that one

This is one of the reasons we took our ensuite out. Nobody wants their bedroom to smell of poo. Admittedly ours made the bedroom damp and too small too!

Yanbu.

It's actually polite and respectful of each other IMO, to avoid the bedroom ensuite if possible when needing to do a number 2.

Unfortunately on MN the vilest of male behaviour is defended regularly, so no surprise on this thread.

Such an easy thing to do, but some arsehole men will do it anyway.