Am I too much ? Asking DH to do his business in the spare toilet

[funnypost]

This is a funny one. We have 3 and a half bathrooms in our house. 3 upstairs and 1 little bathroom downstairs.

upstairs there are 2 en suites- one off the master bedroom and one off the guest room, plus a family bathroom.

I loathe walking into a bathroom and it being smelly. I just can’t deal with it. It’s gross.

at weekends, DH tends to do his business in the master en suite. But this is where all our stuff is. I hate not being able to go up there or if I really need to, having to breathe in the disgusting smell.

so I’ve asked him, why can’t you just use one of the bathrooms that’s just completely not in use ? Why do you need to use the bathroom that’s most in use by me and also near our bedroom, which also makes the idea of it gross.

I would just never dream of doing it. I try to be discreet and use one of the bathrooms that’s not got all our stuff in.

men just don’t think like this right ? My DH thinks I’m ridiculous but also finds it funny and has complied.

what does everyone think ? Do I sound like I have a stick up my bum ? I just can’t stand it. I’m really funny about it and think all traces should be covered up. DH thinks I’m ridiculous and that it’s a normal thing in life and I’m way too uptight.

What was your view on toilets, I must have missed it? 😉

The same as many on this thread. It serves a normal bodily function. Open a window, it passes in 5 minutes.

My mother uses an antique pot cabinet as her bedside table. It contains a chamber pot (unused nowadays). It's a rather nice piece.

They used to be commonplace - c1700/1800s. The hoi polloi just had a pot under the bed.

How times have moved - pun intended.

Divorced people, I should think.

I completely agree, OP.

If you only had 1 toilet you'd just have to put up with it . . . but you don't. So you don't. It's not much to ask. Why on earth would you choose to smell someone else's sh*t?

If you're divorcing over where you use the loo, you've got far bigger problems.

You could get an outside loo in the garden for all year use. He will soon learn to hurry up with his business in winter. Too cold to scroll.
Maybe even a deep drop hole type, none flush and he could use sawdust to absorb the smell, and grass and leaves to clean himself. Au naturel.

If you can't see it's not about what toilet you use, it's about respecting the other person in the marriage and considering their feelings, then you have far bigger problems. Or very low self esteem.

And some find it OTT. Complete matter of opinion, as all the answers on this thread have shown.

Maybe it's you who should move your stuff. Many people only have one loo and the whole family use it.
Are you hungry up about periods, wee, vaginas etc?

Surely though, the OP should have known about her dh habits before getting married?
He should have known about her issues around his poo smelling before hand too?

Whereas They’re whatever number of years down the line, big house and suddenly she is springing that on him. Making it he is disgusting and should have known not to do it in the first place (when as you say, opinions are quite split). And his reaction is to humour her, smile and say ‘if you want dear’. Which makes me think he is either really amiable or this is not unusual behaviour from the OP.

Im still interested to know if the OP is never using the ensuite for a poo and where she is going. Aka not the bathroom her dh is using as to not inconvenience him either right?

True. People do have different standards. If that's what floats your boat, you enjoy continuing breathing in that poop air.

We used to live in a house with multiple bathrooms, and the ensuite off our bedroom was used by me alone, my DH used a different bathroom. It's not something I see talked about very often but I grew up with a controlling bully of a father and he weaponised the bathroom. If you got in the bath, he would be hammering on the door after a couple of minutes, insisting he be allowed access (even if he'd been asked if he needed the bathroom before you got in). The choice was then to have him use the toilet in front of you, or sit shivering in your bedroom until he'd finished. He used to stay in there until the bath water was cold and then you'd be made to get back in the cold water. If you got dressed rather than get back in, he'd blow his top. If you said that the water was cold, he'd blow his top. He used to leave poo smeared on the hand towels, wipe his armpits on the face cloths and fold them up neatly on the sink, leave urine all over the seat and floor and the toilet unflushed. It was disgusting.

Having privacy and cleanliness in that space is really important to me.

Everyone has to work out how to organise their bathroom use as works best for all the people in their house, surely?

Or it's just not that deep.

Yanbu - I send OH down to do his morning poo in the downstairs loo.

If OP had posted puzzled as to how to solve this problem, and then mentioned she had 3 toilets upstairs and 1 downstairs, I'm sure plenty of people would have pointed out she was being a bit dense. That's because it's obvious what the ideal solution is. Ideal meaning DH still has a perfectly good toilet to use. A toilet inside the house. Not at the bottom of the garden. And OP doesn't have to put up disgusting smells. It's win-win. It's a sensible compromise. No one suffers. What's the problem?

Yikes that sounds absolutely awful and I completely understand why privacy is particularly important to you. But presumably you discussed and agreed the allocation of bathrooms with your H. I was referring more to the dynamic in the couple I know where the wife just decided she would have the en suite for herself and ordered the husband never to go in, not even to wash his hands! He uses the downstairs bathroom which she also uses during the day plus guests, tradesmen etc. I would be furious if my husband told me one day that he had decided there was a room in our jointly owned house that I was never allowed to go into because he decided he should have sole use of it and i couldnt have the same for myself. Hope that makes sense.

I do agree with you that it's up to individual families to find what works for them, but by mutual agreement.

Both my father when I was growing up and my DH were always very considerate and used the downstairs toilet rather than the family bathroom or en suite. I didn't have to ask. I think it is a considerate thing to do and you are not being unreasonable.

Part of the point I was trying to make is that when people have that arrangement, there may well be a reason that you are not aware of. I don't go around IRL telling people how my father behaved, and DH treated the fact that i had a 'private' bathroom as a bit of a joke and would tell people he was banished from it. He made it lighthearted. He didn't tell people why. I'm sure to other people I looked like the woman you describe.

He has every right to use his en suite for a poo. As you are so sensitive move your stuff and designate a different bathroom "yours".

Why don't you have the master and he has the en suite?

It's not like you always know when a smelly poo is coming. I don't.

Besides VIPoo, striking a match and closing the lid, you could also employ the 'courtesy flush'. Flush as soon as the poo hits the water. Yes, you might need to sit back down afterwards, it sometimes comes in parts doesn't it but yeah, flush poo as soon as it's out.

Surely the toilet is only stinky un-usable for 5, maybe 10 min a day? how long OP or her DH need to spend there (at a clashing time) that it can't accommodate them both....

I want to do a poo at Paul’s house.

Reality check Poo smells.
I can see both sides to this but as long as your partner shuts the en-suite door if you are sitting on bed having a coffee I think that’s ok. They must Shut en-suite door, open window after, clean toilet bowl, spray air freshener not sure what else they should do.
I have a friend who said her oh sits on loo with door open having a s… making noises as they strain like a German porn star and window open so potentially their neighbours can hear🤣🤣🤣

Funny you should mention sawdust toilets.....I regularly go to a farm shop with a café which has only a sawdust toilet. A sign requests that it only be used for "wee, not poo"..... But I really don't understand how they can restrict it: it's a toilet!
However, I agree with the OP. Stinky ensuites are gross, and they don't all have a window.
Personally, I am extremely sensitive to smells, but I would rather endure the natural smell of poo than certain "air fresheners" which catch at my throat and make me want to puke. (Impulse body spray has the same effect!)
I favour the "strike a match" solution, although in the winter I sometimes light a candle if DH has left a noxious niff in our shared bathroom.