To let DH read my Instagram messages?

[Cooktop64]

Some time ago, I used DH’s phone to log into instagram, so I could look up the work of a tattoo artist mum I met at soft play. I forgot to log out, and I’ve been away for work for a while.

DH told me tonight that he had deleted the app off his phone because he felt the intense urge to snoop (not because of any sort of suspicion, but because of curiosity, which I completely understand… if I’m being honest, I read through his texts on occasion as well. To me, it just seems like we want to know each other’s inner worlds more intimately, and I love that.)

I responded “I appreciate that. I’m not sure you would have found very much interesting, other than my conversation with [school team mate and early casual sex partner] and an attempt to start a conversation with [school crush who family-zoned me, whom I kept having dreams about, for some reason, and I was trying to figure out why].”

He replied that it probably goes back pretty far, and who knows what I was up to, and that he kind of wanted to re-download the app. I told him we could read through it together when I got home, and he said “It’s probably a lot of reading, but maybe we could do that.”

I honestly don’t remember everything that’s on there. I have no way of logging in to look, as I have settings on my phone to help me manage my social media addiction that prevents me from doing so. I’m a little bit worried I may have said something negative about him to a friend or family member, or said something that might invite suspicion if I can’t provide adequate context or the correct timeline for lack of memory…

On the other hand? I think it might bring us closer, for him to see all that and know me more deeply, and it might be nice to clear out any skeletons in my closet. Maybe I revisit some not-so-nice memories from my past, with his care and support, and it would be healing for me. Maybe we find dumb things to laugh about together. And if we don’t read through it together, will he succumb to temptation and read it without any context at all, and not be able to talk to me in order to assuage negative feelings about it without admitting to snooping?

Is it dumb to go through with this? Should I rescind the offer to read through it with him, or say “fuck it” and full send it anyway?

YABU - don’t let him read it
YANBU - read it with him

I wasn’t intending to elaborate?

Why are you insistent that he’s controlling?

Obviously. You have no reason to believe he’s controlling and you can’t defend your position. That’s fine.

Answer our questions and we’ll answer yours. Tell us how old he is.

Right, so you have nothing to back up what you’re saying.

‘defend their position’

🤣🤣🤣

Right, so you won’t tell us his age.

No, I will not. And I will continue to assume you have no logical reason to believe he is controlling; that’s all just MN mouth-froth

Listen, you’re the one who has to live with the old geezer. The one who wants to read your private Instagram messages. I was just whiling away some time on MN. I don’t have a ‘position’, just an opinion based on your posts on this thread. I don’t have to defend anything.

And we will continue to believe that he’s controlling and that you’re not telling us his age because:

• He’s old and started dating you when you were a teenager (and arrested your development - as your emotional intelligence and maturity level is that of a 19 year old).
• People asking his age means you are getting the attention you so clearly crave (as that’s the only reason you’re still on a thread where everyone is laughing at you and/or thinks you’re nuts).

(Because you can’t)

I agree with you. He's probably not controlling.

How controlling can a 112 year old be anyway?

Do you have hobbies that make you happy, or do you spend all your time trying to shittalk people on the interwebs?

Do you? Has the old man had an early night?

I’m traveling currently and have nothing else to do. But yes, I have quite a few hobbies, and they’re much more fulfilling than frothing at the mouth over some stranger’s assumed age gap.

It’s 11pm and I’m breastfeeding. I have absolutely nothing else on at the moment and I’m chill about that. My hobbies are not nocturnal. 🤣

You, on the other hand, have spent ALL DAY - literally since the crack of dawn - on this thread. Do you have hobbies that make you happy? Or do you just tend to your elderly controlling partner and beg for attention online?

‘Frothing at the mouth’ implies we actually care about your relationship. I can’t speak for everyone on this thread, but I have no real interest at all. As I said, I’m just whiling away some time on MN and have formed an opinion based on the things you have written. That’s how public forums work, I guess.

I heard the milk tastes worse if you’re pissed off because the person you’re trying to convince that they’re unhappy isn’t listening to you. Maybe you should try again later, for baby’s sake.

You’re literally just writing anything at this point. It’s quite amusing.

Are you the poster with an older dh who has an open relationship?
It’s not really relevant and I have no good advice, just your tone/style of writing is remarkably similar.

She’s not pissed off, she’s laughing at you. You sound like a child.

This is such a depressing thread. OP, you have made me depressed.

I’m not the one who feels the need to put others down and insist that they’re unhappy. Maybe you could use a little… introspection

I think it’s all a bit over dramatic to read through your Insta messages together. But also if I had the ability to have a quick look at my boyfriend’s messages wild horses wouldn’t be able to stop my curiosity, so well done to him for that.

But really, don’t read through them together. Nothing good can come of it.

My social media is an open book - though I don’t actually have insta. Couldn’t care less who read any of it. But I think I have better things to do with my partner.

You are clearly unhappy. And childish. You even comment like a child. “I know you are, but what am I?” is where you’ve got to, at this point.

You are not coming out on top in any of these exchanges. Just go to bed.